Jilliane Hoffman

Pretty Little Things


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LainBrain says: hi

      Deep breath. Stay calm. ‘OK, M. I did it.’

      The computer blurped again.

ElCapitan says: just got home. practice ended late. Coach still pissed over last weeks game.

      ‘What? What’d he say?’ Molly whined. ‘Tell me!’

      ‘Nothing. He said he just got home from football practice. Maybe you’re right. Maybe he didn’t get it?’ She paused for a second. ‘Or maybe he got it and he hates it! M!’

ElCapitan says: Got ur mess

      Lainey held her breath.

      ‘What’d he say? Lainey!’

ElCapitan says: Nice pic☺

      Lainey let the air out all at once, as if someone had popped her screaming lungs with a pin. ‘He said nice pic, M! You think that’s good?’ Even asking the question, she couldn’t help but grin.

      ‘You’re a moron. I told you you looked hot. You better not let your mom see that picture. She’ll freakin’ flip. Speaking of flipping moms, mine’s downstairs having a breakdown. I gotta go eat. Say hi to Bradley Brat for me.’ She laughed. ‘Not.’

      ‘I’ll call you later.’ Lainey hung up the phone and stared at the words on the screen. She’d never felt this good before in her whole entire life. She wanted to scream. Then, another sentence appeared with a blurp.

ElCapitan says: even better than I pictured, and I have a great imagination …
ElCapitan says: want 2 c even more of u

      Lainey felt her cheeks light up as she looked around the bedroom. There was, of course, no one there but her, but she still felt strangely embarrassed. What should she say to that? What would Liza say? Did he mean that the way she thought he meant that?

      The door to the garage opened with a loud creak. ‘Brad? Elaine? Hello? Where is everyone? Why is this video game on?’ The sound of her mom’s irritated voice echoed through the house, along with the click-clacking of her high heels on the ceramic tiles. She heard Bradley run down the hall and into his room. Coward. Lainey mouthed the next words out of her mother’s mouth.

      ‘Elaine!’

      ‘I’m in my room!’

      ‘Get off that computer. Did you even start dinner?’

      And it was back from the ball once again. Back to reality.

LainBrain says: GTG. P911.

      IM quick-speak for ‘Got to go – a parent is coming.’

ElCapitan says: who?
LainBrain says: mom
ElCapitan says: Damn! And we were just about 2 get on my favorite subject …

      The funny, uncomfortable feeling was back, and she pushed it aside. Why was she always such a baby? She had to get over that.

ElCapitan says: thought she worked late mondays
ElCapitan says: or is that fridays?
LainBrain says: fridays and every other monday. sorry about coach

      ‘Elaine! Did you hear me? Off that friggin’ computer now!’

LainBrain says: ☺LTL. she’s pissed.

      LTL meant ‘let’s talk later’. Lainey opened up her Social Studies book to make it look like she’d been studying and crumpled a few pieces of notebook paper for effect, just in case her mom headed this way. Now it was time to boil hot dogs and listen to twenty minutes of shit as to why it was irresponsible of her to allow the aspiring psycho in residence to gun down cops and steal cars for two hours on the video game that his own dad had given him for Christmas. ‘Practice for the real world,’ Lainey wanted to say when the interrogation finally got started. ‘Let’s face it, Mom, Brad’s career options are gonna be limited.’ But that remark would probably get her smacked.

      Just as she opened the door, the computer blurped again. She ran back over to the desk and stared at the words on the screen.

ElCapitan says: FYI. Pinks definitely your color ☺

       2

      ‘I don’t know if all of you have Halloween on the brain, but these test grades were not what I wanted to see,’ Mrs McKenzie said, her voice withered with both age and perpetual disappointment, as she walked down the aisles of the classroom handing out papers. When she got to Lainey’s desk, she paused. Not a good sign. ‘Ms Emerson, I expected more from you,’ she sniped without even attempting to lower her voice. Then she dropped the paper as if it was covered in dog poop and she couldn’t stand to touch it any more. A big red D+ landed face-up on the desk.

      Another D. Damn … Lainey could feel her cheeks flame up. She couldn’t remember any of the As she used to get ever being so large. Or so red. She quickly shoved the test into her book bag, avoiding eye contact with any of the twenty-three gawking, smirking strangers around her.

      ‘Report cards are going out next week, people,’ Mrs McKenzie warned with a shake of her poofy, margarine-colored head as the bell rang and a mass of bodies rushed past her into the hall. ‘I know there are a couple of you who aren’t going to be happy to see the mailman!’

      It was a safe bet that she was one of those people, Lainey thought, feeling the acid churn like cement in her stomach as she slowly made her way through the noisy crowd to the lunchroom. And her mom was sure to birth a cow when she opened that envelope – Algebra probably wasn’t the only class she was getting a D in. Serves her right, Lainey thought, bitterly; she’d never wanted to switch schools anyway. All her friends were still at Ramblewood Middle, while she was completely lost here at stupid Sawgrass with absolutely no one. No one. Zero. Zilch. No one to study with. No one to walk home with. No one to eat lunch with, she thought miserably as she made her way past