her attention to Kate, Lillian quickly took in her harassed appearance and tell-tale lack of engagement ring. She stole a glance at Vivian, who pursed her lips ever so slightly in disappointment. It was just as they’d feared.
‘So how was the party? Did you have a nice time? We’d like to hear all about it. Come and sit down,’ Vivian said tactfully, patting the spare seat they’d purposely prepared for Kate’s arrival.
Looking into the kindly eyes of her two best friends and charges at the care home, Kate felt her façade crumble even before she’d sat herself in the comfortable chair they’d set out especially for her. ‘Oh, Viv, Lil – I feel so stupid…’
Hiccupping through tears, for the first time in twenty-four hours Kate could finally open up about her feelings on the matter.
Vivian and Lillian sat quietly as they listened in silent compassion to young Kate’s dilemma. Neither commented or tutted in the usual way they would behave towards the other residents, because for both of them Kate was like the daughter they’d never had. And both of them could feel the disappointment and pain in each word.
Only when Kate finished spluttering through her tears about her confusion on the whole matter did Lillian finally pipe up.
‘Let me tell you a story, darling, about my second husband Bobbi….’
It was then that Kate grinned. She’d heard the story countless times. Bobbi was the second of five husbands that Lillian had worked her way through. She happened to also know that Bobbi was the only one who had failed to propose to Lillian for a whole year before Lillian took matters into her own hands.
She had a feeling it was time to pay more attention…
Sinking back against the cream leather sofa cushions, Kate’s eyes swept around the small living room of the house she shared with Alf. Its soft pastel-green walls had once seemed so welcoming and relaxing, yet now the paint was marked and scuffed in places. The ash wood furniture no longer looked fitting – it appeared bulky and dated. Even the imitation flowers that when new had often been mistaken for being real, had faded with age. She sat up straighter, noticing that the laminated flooring was uneven and bubbled in places – most likely through water damage at some point. She looked down at Sam as he whimpered loudly, readjusting himself in the nook of Kate’s arm.
‘It’s okay, sweetie, I’m not going anywhere.’
Sam gently closed his eyes again and Kate relaxed back into place. The house was in silence, save for the ticking of the wall clock. It was a rarity that she could just sit in complete stillness; her day had been long and demanding, not to mention emotionally exhausting. For once she was grateful that Alf was working late. She’d even decided that she didn’t have the energy to prepare dinner and would be suggesting a takeaway as soon as he arrived home.
Yet the room decoration unsettled her. How long had they been living in ignorance? It seemed astonishing to her that she hadn’t noticed the grubbiness and lack of warmth in the room previously. Granted, they hadn’t decorated properly in four years, but it was still a shock to her to realise that things had become so neglected.
Is that what had happened to their relationship too? She couldn’t get away from the overbearing thoughts that had been playing on her mind since the party. It had helped a little to chat with Vivian and Lil, but on reflection, they’d not really provided any answers; they’d only listened to her. She knew that she should have opened up to Alf yesterday; he’d been concerned by her lack of talkativeness and expressed it on more than one occasion, but they’d both been enthralled with the puppy and she’d feigned a hangover every time he looked at her questioningly.
She didn’t have the energy for the discussion that they needed to have. There were so many things floating around in her head, but she needed first to access her true feelings. She’d been so fixated on the proposal that she’d failed to pay attention to the niggling doubts that had been creeping into her emotions of late. She knew deep inside that all these months of focusing on an engagement was simply a way of getting some sort of commitment from Alf. A commitment that he hadn’t given her in another respect; that of discussing trying for another baby together at some point. She’d been convincing herself that if he was ready to marry her, then a baby was sure to follow…
She hadn’t been ready to acknowledge her subconscious need for a family before now, but things had come to a head inside of her since the party. She’d been deluding herself for so long; she desperately wanted a child. Yet, what if by the time they began trying, she couldn’t have any more children? She was thirty-two… the clock was already beginning to tick fast….
There was no doubt that she loved Alf more than anything, but everything about their situation was an indicator of them not being as on top of things as they could have been. Their relationship was dulled and in desperate need of repair. Why hadn’t either of them noticed it sooner? Addressed it sooner?
Sam’s eyes flew open and his small head lifted instantaneously as Alf’s footsteps could be heard on the gravel outside the street door. His body tensed and he whimpered softly, looking at Kate for reassurance.
With a start, she glanced at the clock, wondering why Alf was home earlier than he’d said – then realised with dismay that she’d spent almost an hour lost in her thoughts.
The street door closed gently and Kate heard a thud as something heavy hit the wooden laminate flooring in the hallway.
‘Hi babe, I’m in here.’ Remaining on the sofa, she made no move to get up.
Alf pushed the half-glass door open and smiled at Kate as he took off his black suit jacket. ‘Hey, darling. You look relaxed.’ He walked over to kiss her, loosening his pink tie as he bent down and placed a peck on her forehead. ‘Why’s the place in silence?’ He ruffled Sam’s fur. ‘Hello, mate. Hope you’re behaving for your mum.’
‘Yes, he’s been good,’ Kate replied with a yawn as Alf flopped down in the armchair opposite, kicking off his shoes as he did so. She watched as he picked up the TV remote and pressed the standby button. The room was flooded with sound, making her wince.
‘It’s weird coming home and seeing you sat in here. Usually you’re off doing a thousand things,’ he joked, lowering the volume of the TV a little. ‘Did you have a good day? Hangover wore off?’
Kate nodded and stood up, placing Sam on the floor. ‘I just had a demanding day with Hilda.’ She noticed Alf’s attention had been caught by something on the TV. ‘I was thinking we could get a Chinese takeaway? I don’t fancy cooking.’
Alf shrugged. ‘Sure, whatever you fancy. I’m easily pleased.’ He didn’t look away from the screen.
‘Okay, I’ll go and ring them. I’ll just order the usual.’ She walked into the hallway to pick up the handset, immediately noticing the large sports holdall at the foot of the stairs.
‘Er, Alf, what’s this bag?’
Alf’s head appeared around the doorway and she noticed by the dark circles under his eyes that he looked as tired as she felt. ‘Oh – I forgot about that. It’s Marcus’. He suddenly looked sheepish. ‘I had a call from him out of the blue this morning. He’s split up with his missus and moved back down from Leeds.’
Kate rubbed her face in confusion and sighed. ‘Marcus? Is he the one that you grew up with?’ What was Alf doing with his bag?
‘Yes, he’s stuck for a place to stay, you see. So I told him he could crash here for a few days.’
‘Are you serious? You’re only just telling me this now?’ Kate replied, her voice rising and suddenly irate. She shook her head in disbelief.
‘Calm down. He’s not a bad fella – you’ll really like him. I didn’t know what else