To be a father … it’s real … it’s happening …
A laugh of relief escaped him and he reached out without thinking and grabbed Callie’s hands in his, not noticing her flinch, forgetting that she wasn’t good with physical contact. His prior fears were forgotten in the moment of joy.
‘Can you believe it, Callie?’
She shook her head, not speaking, and he saw the welling of tears in her own eyes and was glad. He wouldn’t normally be glad to see anyone well up with tears or cry, but this was different. They were in a difficult situation, the pair of them, thrown together into having a baby when they weren’t even a couple. Now Maggie had gone they had to find a way through this situation themselves …
After Maggie had left them both in the lurch they’d initially struggled even to be in the same room as each other. It had been so hard to know what to do or say in their situation. And so wrong that they had to feel that way! They were best friends and always had been.
Maggie had been quick to see a solicitor and apply for a divorce. She’d said it was best for both of them. She’d been quick to sever all ties.
As the days had passed the atmosphere between him and Callie had got a little less awkward—though it still wasn’t what it once had been. He knew Callie had as much adjustment to make to this situation as he had—if not more. It was a tough test of their friendship … one that neither of them could ever have imagined they would have to face. They were both testing the water like anxious ducklings, not knowing if they were going to sink or swim.
Each day that they worked together brought new challenges for both of them. He could sense her awkwardness each time she worked with him. Often he found himself craving the relaxed atmosphere they’d used to have with each other. The ability to laugh at the same things, to predict what the other was thinking.
Only last week he’d helped her out on a particularly difficult shoulder dystocia and, though they’d worked together efficiently for their patient, the old rapport had not been the same and he’d felt the tension between them return the second the baby had been delivered safely. When he’d left the patient’s room he’d banged his fist against the wall with frustration at the whole situation.
But he was thrilled that seeing the baby meant something to Callie too. After all, he knew she’d never wanted to have a baby of her own. Not after the way she’d been treated by her own mother. Callie’s childhood had been bloody awful compared to his. To see that she was just as affected as he was at seeing the baby onscreen was priceless.
‘It’s a baby,’ she said.
Sophie laughed at them both. ‘Of course it is!’ She began to take measurements. She measured the head-to-rump length and then zoomed in on the nuchal fold, which was one of the measurements they took at the three-month scan to check the risk factors for Down syndrome. ‘This all looks fine. Well within parameters.’
‘That’s good,’ Lucas said, relieved.
‘I had no idea you two were together. You kept that quiet,’ Sophie said.
Callie glanced at him, a question in her eyes. Should they correct her?
‘Actually … er … we’re not …’ He stumbled over the explanation, his words fading away as he recalled Maggie’s impression of their relationship. ‘You love Callie, Lucas! Always have! I could never live up to her, so now I’m giving you the chance to be together!’
‘We’re not together,’ Callie said. ‘Just having a baby.’
Lucas gave a polite smile.
Sophie raised her eyebrows. ‘There’s no “just” about it—you two should know that. Having a baby is hard work.’
‘You give all your patients this pep talk?’ Lucas didn’t want her attacking their decision, and he certainly didn’t want Callie getting upset. She’d been through enough already, what with all the morning sickness and everything.
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—’
Lucas shook his head, appalled that he’d been snappy with her. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be sharp with you/It’s just been a tough few months already.’ What was he doing? He wasn’t normally this prickly.
But Sophie was obviously used to the up-down moods of her patients and she smiled. ‘That’s all right. Here—take these.’ She passed over a long strip of black-and-white scan photos.
Callie took the opportunity to pull free of his cradling hand and took the pictures first. She held them out before her, admiring each one, and then turned them so that Lucas could see. ‘Look, Lucas.’
His heart expanded as he looked at each one. He could physically feel his love growing for this little bean-shaped creature he didn’t yet know, but had helped create. All right, maybe not in the most ideal of circumstances, but they’d find a way to make it work. They had to. Even though he knew he and Callie would never be together like that.
‘You okay?’ He looked into her eyes and saw the tears had run down her cheeks now. He hoped they were happy tears. She seemed happy, considering …
‘I’m good,’ she said, nodding. ‘You’d better take these.’ She offered the pictures to him, but he sat back, shaking his head.
‘Not all of them. I’ll take half. You’ll need some too.’
She looked puzzled, and he didn’t like the look on her face. It made him feel uncomfortable to think that maybe she still didn’t feel that the baby was part hers.
‘It’s your baby, too,’ he insisted.
The smile left her face and Callie avoided his gaze, looking down and then wiping the gel from her belly using the paper towel.
He helped her sit up and turned away so she could stand and fasten her trousers. Then, when he judged enough time had passed, he turned back and smiled at her. ‘Ready for work?’
‘As I’ll ever be.’
He thanked Sophie for her time and followed Callie, blinking in the brightness of the waiting room. He tried to avoid looking at all the couples holding hands. Couples in love, having a baby. The way he ought to be having a child with a partner.
Yet look at how I’m doing it.
He didn’t want to think about how appalled his parents must be. He’d avoided talking to them about it, knowing they’d be sad that his marriage had failed. He was upset to have let them down, having wanted his marriage to succeed for a long time—like theirs had.
‘Youngsters these days just give up on a relationship at the first sign of trouble!’ his mother was fond of saying.
But I’d not given up. I thought everything was fine … We were going ahead with the surrogacy. It all looked good as far as I was concerned. And then … Maggie said it was over. That she’d found true love elsewhere because she’d had to!
Now he and Callie, his best friend in the whole wide world, were in this awkward situation.
We have to make this work.
I have to.
Callie had not expected to have such a strong emotional reaction to seeing the baby on screen. Why would she have suspected it? Having a baby had never been one of her dreams, had it? Not really. She’d always been happy to let other people have the babies. She just helped them along in their journey from being a woman to a mother. Others could have the babies—others could make the mistakes. Others could be utter let-downs to their children and be hated by them in the long run. Because that was what happened. In real life.
What did people say about not being able to choose your family?
So even though she’d known she was pregnant, logically, had known she was carrying a child,