She feared that this baby would be born into a world where its mother was useless and wouldn’t have a clue. Callie could already imagine its pain and upset.
Because she knew what it was like to have a mother like that.
Callie waited until the sonographer had led someone else into the scanning room and then she stopped Lucas abruptly. ‘Hold this,’ she said, passing him her handbag. ‘I need to use the loo.’ Her bladder was killing her! Sophie had pressed down hard, no matter what she’d said about being gentle.
In the bathroom, she washed her hands and then realised how thirsty she was and that she wanted a coffee. Her watch said that they had twenty minutes before they were due to start their shift, so when she went back outside she tried to ignore the anxious look on Lucas’s face and suggested they head to the café.
‘You okay with coffee?’ Lucas asked with concern.
‘I think so.’ She’d been off coffee for weeks. But now she could feel an intense craving for one and ordered a latte from the assistant. ‘This is so strange,’ she said as she gathered little sachets of sugar and a wooden stirrer.
Lucas looked about them, glancing at the café interior. ‘What is?’
‘This.’
‘Having coffee?’ He smiled.
She gave him a look. ‘You know what I mean! This. The situation. Me and you—having a baby. I mean …’ She swallowed hard, then asked him the question that had been on her mind ever since Maggie had walked away. The question that had been keeping her awake at night. The question that she wasn’t even sure she wanted answered. If he said he wanted her to be the mother … ‘How’s it going to work?’
She could tell her question had him stumped.
He was trying to decide how to answer her. After all, it wasn’t an easy situation. After Maggie’s big revelation they’d both been knocked for six—especially when Maggie had kept her word and disappeared out of their lives altogether. No one had heard a peep from her—not even the hospital where she’d worked. She’d really dropped them in it as they’d lost a midwife without notice!
For a while Callie had believed that at some point Maggie would call and it would all sort itself out again. That she and Lucas had simply had one giant misunderstanding and it would all be sorted easily. Because then it would be easier for her. Callie. And wasn’t that how Lucas operated? Before Maggie there’d been other girlfriends. There’d certainly been no shortage of them during the time she’d known him. Which seemed like forever. He’d always been splitting up with them and then getting back together again.
But Maggie hadn’t called. The situation hadn’t changed.
Callie was pregnant with Lucas’s child. But they hadn’t slept together and they weren’t a couple.
Lucas wanted a baby and Callie never had.
Yet here she was. Pregnant. And though she’d thought she’d be safe getting pregnant, because she wouldn’t be in any danger of having to keep the baby, she was now in the predicament that she might have to. Or at least have more to do with it than she’d hoped.
It.
‘Honestly, Callie …? I don’t know how it’s going to work. But I know that it will. In time. We’ll sort something out.’ He stood opposite her and shook some sugar into his own drink, replaced the lid.
‘But how do you know that?’ She pressed him for more information. He was her best friend in the whole wide world and always had been—for as long as she could remember. There’d once been a moment—a brief, ever so tempting moment—when she’d considered what it would be like to go out with him, but she’d not allowed herself to do it. His friendship with her had been much too valuable and the one stable element in her wretched childhood.
Callie didn’t do relationships. Not long-term ones anyway. She’d had dates, and gone out with someone for a couple of months, but once he’d started making mutterings about commitment she’d backed off.
Then one day Lucas had asked her out. On a date. In a boyfriend/girlfriend kind of way. He’d looked so nervous when he’d asked her. And though they’d been great friends, and she’d known she loved him a lot, she just hadn’t been about to ruin their friendship by going out on a date with him.
Lucas had been her one stable choice through her childhood and she couldn’t risk losing him if things went wrong between them. Besides, they’d both been about to go off to university—it would never have worked, would it? It had been a sensible decision to make.
She could still recall the absolute shock on his face when she’d turned him down. But then he’d left her that night and gone out and met Maggie and the whole thing had been moot, after all.
‘I don’t know it. But you’re sensible—so am I. We’re good friends. Best friends. I don’t see why we won’t be able to come to some arrangement.’
She watched him sip and then wince at his coffee. ‘I wish I could be as sure as you,’ she said. Because Callie wasn’t used to certainties. All her life she’d felt as if she lived in limbo—nothing stable, nothing rooted, her mother going through bottles of alcohol as fast as she went through various men, all of them the latest, greatest love of Maria’s life.
He put his coffee down and reached out to take her hand, knowing she didn’t feel comfortable with personal touch but doing it anyway to make his point. His thumb stroked the back of her knuckles, gently caressing the skin. ‘We’ll be fine.’
Then he let go and went back to his coffee.
She was relieved he’d let go—relieved to get back control of her hand. Relieved the sizzling reaction to his touch—where had that come from?—had gone. Her hand had lit up with excited nerves as his fingers had wrapped around hers and her stomach had tumbled all over like an acrobat when he’d squeezed them tight before letting go.
She gave a little laugh to break the tension. ‘Too big a subject when we’re due to start work in ten minutes!’ She grinned, but inside her mind was racing. She’d never reacted like that to Lucas before. Why? What was happening? Hormones? Possibly …
No, it had to be. No ‘possibly’ about it.
He smiled back, laughing too. ‘Way too big.’
Callie laughed nervously. There’d been something reassuring and caring about his touch, and though she disliked physical contact something had changed since she’d got pregnant. It was as if she needed it now but didn’t know how to ask for it, having gone for so long without it.
And how threatening was Lucas’s touch anyhow? He was her best friend. It didn’t mean anything. Not like that. And he knew it.
But I’d like you to protect me, Lucas. Promise me I’ll be safe.
Lucas sat in his office, twiddling with a pen without really seeing it. There was plenty of work he knew he ought to be getting on with, but his mind was caught up in a whirl of thoughts and emotions. As it had been for many weeks now.
Maggie was gone. But if he was honest with himself that wasn’t what was bothering him. Not at all. What bothered him was what Maggie had said on that final night before she’d walked out.
‘I tried with you, Lucas, I really tried! But it was all pointless, wasn’t it? You’ve never truly loved me. Not the way you should have.’
‘Of course I love you—’
She’d half laughed, half cried.
‘But it wasn’t real, Lucas! You thought it was, and that was the problem. You lost your heart to Callie long ago and you can’t see it!’
‘Callie? No, you’re wrong. She’s my friend … that’s all—’
‘She’s