meant it. And she hoped Rhea could sense that. It was at times like these that Callie’s job meant the world to her. It was at times like these when she felt she could really help someone—and this young girl clearly needed help for something.
If only she’d let me in. If only she’d let me help her so that another baby doesn’t grow up feeling like I did as a child. Unwanted and unloved.
‘Don’t you need to take my blood pressure or something?’
Rhea broke the silence and Callie nodded, glad that Rhea was offering her something.
‘Of course. I need to take blood, too.’
‘I brought this.’ Rhea reached into her bag and took out a small jar with a urine sample in it. ‘I washed it out before I used it.’
‘That’s great—thanks.’ She would need another sample if this one was more than two hours old. It was hospital policy. However, she wasn’t going to say that. Rhea had offered her a little something. That would have to do for now.
Rhea’s blood pressure was fine, as was her urine sample. Nothing out of the ordinary and all well within parameters. Physically, she seemed fine. It was just emotionally that something was off.
‘You know, I’m really looking forward to getting to know you better throughout this, Rhea.’
‘Yeah, well, don’t go thinking you’ll get me to change my mind.’
‘That’s not my place.’
‘No, it isn’t. No one has the right to judge me for giving this thing away.’
‘No, they haven’t.’ I was going to give a baby away myself. ‘But please don’t call the baby a “thing”. Call it what it is.’
Rhea stood up to go and slung her bag over her shoulder. ‘It’s a thing. It will always be a thing. It’ll never be anything else.’ And she stormed from the clinic.
Callie watched her go, bewildered and amazed. In some ways Rhea seemed so strong, but in others she was just a tiny young girl, terrified and afraid.
And what am I afraid of?
Callie’s hand went to her own stomach, as yet still unchanged in size. She didn’t even know she was doing it until her phone beeped a text message alert and she was brought back into the present. As she rummaged in her bag for her phone thoughts echoed through her mind.
Don’t go getting attached.
You have no idea if you’re keeping it either.
THE NEXT DAY Callie was scheduled to work on a twin delivery. She could see that Lucas was on duty that day too, along with the senior consultant Dev Patel, though she hadn’t seen him yet. They had four women in labour, most in early stages, and Callie had been assigned to a woman in her late forties, having her first babies. Callie hadn’t been expecting to work with Lucas, but he was already in the room.
‘There’s been some decelerations,’ he said, after saying hello and seeing her look of surprise.
Olivia Hogarth was on her knees, leaning over the back of the bed, panicking and almost out of control, showing real signs of not dealing with her labour at all. Every time a contraction came along a terrified look came into Olivia’s eyes and she began to huff and puff on the Entonox as if for dear life. Her husband, James, stood helpless beside her. He was at a complete loss as to what to do, but kept rubbing her back for dear life as she held on to the support of the bed.
‘Hi, Olivia, I’m Callie, and I’m going to be your midwife today.’ Callie leant round the back of the bed so Olivia could see her face and not just hear a random voice.
‘Hurgh!’ Olivia’s teeth gripped the mouthpiece and her frightened gaze practically begged Callie to do something. ‘Help me!’
‘Okay … slow, deep breaths … that’s it. Slow your breathing.’ Callie showed Olivia how to breathe in slowly through her nose for five seconds and then out through her mouth for five more seconds.
‘I’m all tingly!’ Olivia protested when the contraction was over. ‘Pins and needles.’
‘It’s because you’re not exhaling properly. Come on—practise with me whilst there’s no contraction.’
As Olivia practised Callie took a moment to glance at Olivia’s trace. There were some decelerations in the babies’ heartbeats. Not by much, but they were definitely there. Each time Olivia’s babies got squeezed by a contraction the heart-rate dipped, which meant they weren’t liking labour very much.
Callie wasn’t happy with the trace and glanced up at Lucas as he came to stand by her and judge it for himself.
Sometimes decelerations could be caused by there being a short cord, or a knot in the cord, or by the cord being tightly wrapped around the baby’s body. It didn’t mean that there was something wrong with the baby physically. But Callie knew it was never worth taking any chances. It was always best to call for help if you were working alone. If you weren’t sure you got someone else. Fortunately she already had Lucas there.
He stood beside her, dressed all in black, in tailored shirt and trousers, and she could smell his aftershave. Since she’d got pregnant smells and aromas had seemed particularly pronounced, and his was delicious today.
Callie glanced at him sideways as he concentrated on the trace. Her heart skipped a beat—palpitations? She’d never had those before—it had to be the pregnancy. She supposed she couldn’t help it, she thought wryly. He was a very attractive man after all. Hadn’t she watched a multitude of women fawn over him?
He was tall, broad and handsome. It was hard to think that the little boy she’d once known—the one with the spindly legs and constantly scuffed knees—had turned into this strong, mature, devastatingly handsome man. It never mattered what was going on in her own life—her mother letting her down yet again, her mother lying to her, someone treating her badly—she always brightened when she saw Lucas. He was her pillar. Her rock. Her safe place in stormy seas. He’d always been there for her and she hoped he always would be. Especially now. Now they were having a baby together—even if it wasn’t in the traditional way.
He looked really good today. Fresher and brighter-looking than she’d seen him look these last few weeks. Maggie leaving the way she had, and admitting to an affair, had shaken them both. But even though Lucas had been shocked by the end of his marriage, he’d thankfully not been devastated. He’d coped with the change in his life amazingly well, and she couldn’t help but admire him for his courage and resilience—as everyone did.
She could only assume that seeing the scan yesterday had perked him up. Either that or he’d managed a great night’s sleep! His eyes were bright and blue, like cornflowers in a summer meadow, and there was colour to his cheeks. He’d even shaved! These last few weeks he’d been beginning to look like a mountain man.
She liked the fact that he looked bigger and stronger. It made her feel safe and protected, and she knew he’d move heaven and earth to do anything to help her at the moment.
Callie couldn’t help but wonder what this pregnancy was doing to her? Her emotions and responses seemed hyper-aware, with all these hormones floating about, and she knew she needed to be careful that she didn’t let them carry her away. He cared for her because they were good friends. Nothing more.
He’s just my friend. Yes, he’s the baby’s father, but it’s not like we slept together, is it? It was all done in a petri dish in a clinic—nothing romantic.
But just thinking about sleeping with Lucas made her cheeks flush with heat.
She knew she needed to focus on her patient and deliberately stepped away from him. Thoughts