ADVANCE PRAISE
“Dusk is now settling around my house and I’m just emerging from the spell of Zoe Zolbrod’s transfixing memoir: I sat down, as you will, to read ten pages and ended up devouring the entire thing in one breathless gulp. Though ostensibly a tale of heartbreaking childhood molestation, The Telling is much, much more: A complicated, layered commentary on coming of age in America, on the limits of gender, and on what it means to be a young girl, a young woman, a mother, a daughter, at this moment in history. Spiked with Zolbrod’s humor and her novelist’s eye for detail, this layered, ingeniously constructed story reminded me of so many favorite memoirs of recent years, from Alice Sebold’s Lucky to Claire Dederer’s Poser, but Zolbrod’s spiky, uncompromising style is utterly her own.”
—JOANNA RAKOFF, author of My Salinger Year and A Fortunate Age
“Zoe Zolbrod’s memoir about coming to terms with her childhood sexual abuse is evocative, fiercely intelligent, and beautifully constructed. It also manages to be compulsively readable, a rare quality in a book dealing with such difficult subject matter. In telling her story, Zolbrod becomes a time traveler, making elegant leaps from early childhood to her unconventional coming of age to the embattled but deep satisfactions of her own motherhood. The result is a book that ponders the way the past informs the present—and the mysterious manner in which resilience works. The Telling is a necessary memoir in every way. With remarkable restraint and grace, Zolbrod shows what telling the truth costs us, and what essential essence in the teller it sets free.”
—CLAIRE DEDERER, author of Poser: My Life in 23 Poses
“The Telling is a necessary book; hard at times, yes, often breathtakingly beautiful, and most importantly, I think, profoundly accessible. Childhood sexual abuse is a subject we hide from—it’s too awful, too taboo—but here, Zolbrod gives us nuance and complexity, truth that pushes past the single story of victim and into this beautiful mess of a life. At times, I wanted to set the walls on fire. At times, I wanted to put down the book and hug my small son. At times, I was swept away in the narrative, an expertly woven structure of what a young girl lived and a grown woman understood. And always, the questions: when and how and who do you tell? Zolbrod is telling us. Let’s listen.”
—MEGAN STIELSTRA, author of Once I Was Cool
“A gripping read. The Telling is brutally honest, relentlessly passionate, and ferociously intelligent. Zolbrod has written a page turner—one unlike any you’ve ever experienced before.”
—ROB ROBERGE, author of Liar and The Cost of Living
“One of the most stunning memoirs I’ve ever read. In this perfectly-crafted story, Zolbrod exercises her impeccable command of language to explore a dark subject with beauty, humility, and fierce grace. This book burns bright on the list of those that will stay with me for years to come.”
—CLAIRE BIDWELL SMITH, author of The Rules of Inheritance and After This
“The job of the memoirist is to draw our gaze to the things that most scare us, and to hold it. In this way, they show us that it is possible to hold our whole truths. To do this well, they must enact such looking at the most intimate level. Only the most brave and honest writers can withstand this, the ones with a certain fortitude of self. Zoe Zolbrod is one such writer. She withholds nothing in The Telling, invites us into the deep examination of her own most changing experiences and she does so with skill, equanimity, and grace.”
—MELISSA FEBOS, author of Whip Smart
“This remarkable memoir shines a light into the most shadowy corners of the soul and demonstrates the transcendent power of truth. Both authentic and likable, Zolbrod weaves a masterful and compelling narrative and examines tough issues with remarkable nuance and sensitivity. I will not soon forget this beautiful book.”
—JILLIAN LAUREN, NY Times bestselling author of Everything You Ever Wanted, Some Girls: My Life in a Harem, and Pretty
CURBSIDE SPLENDOR PUBLISHING
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except in the case of short passages quoted in reviews.
AUTHOR’S NOTE:
This is a work of nonfiction based on recollections going back to an early age. Where possible, I’ve corroborated my memories with journal entries. Dialogue is approximate and appears in quotation marks for the ease of the reader. Aside from all names and some identifying details, which have been changed to protect people’s privacy, this book is true to my experience as I recorded and recall it.
Published by Curbside Splendor Publishing, Inc., Chicago, Illinois in 2016.
First Edition
Copyright © 2016 by Zoe Zolbrod
Library of Congress Control Number: 2015948130
ISBN 9781940430799
Edited by Naomi Huffman
Cover image by Mark DeBernardi
Author photo by Elizabeth McQuern
Designed by Alban Fischer
LETTER TO A JOHN
Words and Music by Ani DiFranco
Copyright (c) 1994 Righteous Babe Music
All Rights Administered by BMG Rights Management (US) LLC
All Rights Reserved Used by Permission
Reprinted by Permission of Hal Leonard Corporation
TO MY CHILDREN
AND THE OTHER CHILDREN
AND EVERYONE WHO HAS BEEN A CHILD
CONTENTS
Prologue
PART ONE: YOUTH
The First Time
Over the Oceans and Through the Woods
The Whole Hot Summer
Bounce Babe
Mama Bear
Girl on the Road
Research Shows: Not Just Girls
The Visitor’s Spot
The Second Time
The Chauffeur
Research Shows: One out of Five
Forbearing the Muck
Negotiation
The End of the Continent
PART TWO: ADULTHOOD
Double-Edged Sword
Thick Walls
Frayed by Tears
The Third Time
Research Shows: Why It’s Hard to Tell
The Crooked Little House
Indecision
The Envy of Others
Telling my Parents
PART THREE: FAMILY
Butterfly