looked at her daughter, at the hazel eyes that were so similar to Blake’s. Those eyes were full of accusations.
“I did.”
“Why?”
Jana couldn’t look away from her child. She also couldn’t avoid the answer that would make her look like the most selfish person in the world. But hopefully someday Lindsey would see her mother as someone who’d made a mistake and then tried to make things right.
For now she would tell Lindsey the basics, not the whole story, a story that included not realizing how depressed she was during those dark days before she left Dawson and for months afterward.
“I was lost, Lindsey. I loved your dad, but I didn’t know how to be the wife of a Cooper. I didn’t know how to live so far away from London. I thought if I tried to leave him, he would take you away from me. I know that what I did was wrong, but at the time I wasn’t thinking clearly.”
“You knew he was looking for me. That’s why we moved so often.”
“Yes.” The word cut deep, to the very depths of her soul. Jana reached to brush dark hair back from Lindsey’s face. “I am sorry. I’m going to make it up to you.”
“I’ll never leave with you again. You can’t make me.”
“I won’t try. We’ll stay here so you can be near your dad.”
“I want to live where he lives.”
“Okay.” Jana choked on the word, because she knew that her daughter meant living with Blake and not with her.
“Where is he?” Lindsey looked around the room. “Is he gone?”
“No, he’s being tested to see if he can be your donor.”
Lindsey reached for the cup on the table. Jana picked it up, held it to her lips. Lindsey took a long drink and then pulled away.
“Do I have other family here?”
Jana nodded. “Yes.”
“Tell me about them.”
“You have grandparents. Tim and Angie. I think Tim’s mother, Granny Myrna, is still alive. And then there are about a dozen kids, your dad’s brothers and sisters.”
“A dozen?” Lindsey’s eyes widened.
“Yes. The Coopers had several children, then adopted more. It’s a very big family. They have a large ranch with horses and cattle.”
Lindsey closed her eyes, a faint smile appearing on her lips. “I always thought I remembered my dad and the horse.”
Lindsey opened her eyes again and her smile faded. “I’m mad that you kept me away from them.”
“I know.”
“Mothers make mistakes, sometimes.” The woman’s voice at the door startled Jana. She turned to face the visitors and then she stood as Angie Cooper entered the room. “You brought her back to us, Jana. That took courage.”
Jana didn’t know what to say. Behind Angie, Tim Cooper filled the doorway. Older, but every bit the man she remembered. He entered the room, frowning and then looked past her, his gaze locking on the face of his granddaughter, and he smiled.
“Lindsey, these are your grandparents.” Jana stepped back out of the way. “Tim and Angie Cooper.”
“You can just call us Nan and Granddad.” Angie leaned over her granddaughter. “You are just as beautiful as I remember.”
“I was little.” Lindsey bit down on her bottom lip, staring up at the grandparents she’d been denied. Regret, Jana had so much of it.
“I’ll be in the hall.” Jana smiled at her daughter. “I won’t go far.”
Angie reached for Jana’s hand as she started to walk away.
“Thank you for bringing her back.”
Jana nodded and walked out the door. Her heart ached as she headed down the hall. She was fighting to save her daughter’s life, but now she worried she would have to fight to keep her daughter’s love, too. The Coopers were powerful, and even though they were kind, she knew they would band together to keep Lindsey close. And she knew, even though they would forgive, that they wouldn’t welcome her back into their lives.
The doors of the hospital chapel were open. She stepped inside the quiet room with the wood pews and soft lighting, and for a few minutes she found peace. She kneeled at the altar, soaking up the presence of God, because she knew that only with His help would she get through the coming days.
She prayed for Lindsey. She prayed for healing. She prayed for forgiveness. Then she left the quiet sanctuary, not sure where to go but knowing she needed time alone, and Lindsey needed her grandparents.
“Mrs. Cooper, your husband is on the second floor if you want to join him,” a nurse told Jana.
“I’m...” Jana paused, not knowing how to tell the nurse that Blake wasn’t her husband. “Thank you.”
She walked to the elevator. She hadn’t planned on going to the second floor, but she did. After stepping off the elevator, she headed down a brightly lit hall. She saw Blake buttoning up his shirt as he walked out a double door. He was on the phone, telling someone he would see them soon and he would make it up to them. She didn’t want to think about who he was talking to, but she couldn’t help but imagine. It was a woman, someone he was involved with. Of course he had moved on. It had been ten years. She hadn’t expected him to be alone forever.
He looked up, frowning when he saw her, then ended the conversation.
“How’s it going?” she asked him.
“I’m finished with paperwork and officially checked in to the hospital, I think. They’re going to run tests on my kidneys, heart and lungs.” He shrugged. “They’ve already taken blood.”
“Blake, I’m so sorry that you have to go through this. I’m sorry that we’re pulling you away from your life this way.”
“Why would you say that? Jana, I’d move heaven and earth to make sure Lindsey gets the help she needs.”
She knew he would. He had probably moved heaven and earth trying to find them. Everything inside her ached when she thought about Blake’s no doubt frantic search for his daughter. Not for his wife, though. He’d probably be happy if she dropped off the face of the earth.
Eventually she would have to tell him about the darkness, the depression, that had swept over her during those last months of their marriage. She would have to tell him how long it had taken her to climb out of that pit, and what it had taken to get her life back. But not now. He wasn’t ready to hear that now.
“I know you would do anything for her, Blake. Thank you, for coming with me today.”
“Stop thanking me. It makes me feel like a stranger who happened into your life. I’m not a stranger. I’m her dad.” He pushed the button on the elevator. “I need a cup of coffee. Want to join me?”
“A cup of coffee would be nice.”
As they rode the elevator down to the first floor, neither of them spoke. They were strangers, really. Jana didn’t know about his life. He didn’t know much about hers. They shared a daughter. That was it.
No, that was wrong. They weren’t strangers. They’d been married. He’d wooed her, and she’d fallen in love. She hadn’t exactly fallen out of love. She’d left him because she’d been young. She’d missed her home, people who sounded the way she sounded. She’d gotten homesick. Desperately homesick. And she’d grown terribly sad and hadn’t been able to overcome it.
Now, almost eleven years later, they were back to being strangers. She didn’t know the man he’d become. He didn’t know her. She wondered if they’d