Joyce Carol Oates

My Life as a Rat


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       Copyright

      4th Estate

      An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers

      1 London Bridge Street

      London SE1 9GF

       www.4thEstate.co.uk

      This eBook first published in Great Britain by 4th Estate in 2019

      Copyright © The Ontario Review, Inc. 2019

      Cover design by Heike Schüssler.

      Cover photograph © plainpicture/Jasmin Sander

      Joyce Carol Oates asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

      A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

      Information on previously published material appears here.

      All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins

      Source ISBN: 978-0-00-833964-7

      Ebook Edition © April 2019 ISBN: 978-0-00-833966-1

      Version: 2020-04-01

       Dedication

       To my friend Elaine Showalter,

       and to my husband and first reader, Charlie Gross

      Contents

       Cover

       Title page

       Dedication

       The Secret I

       The Secret II

       Final Confession

       “Dear Christ What Did Violet Do Now”

       The Revelation

       The Bat

       Safe House

       Runaway

       II

       “Praying for Violet”

       Exile

       Sleepwalker

       The Iceberg

       Turnip Face

       Sisters

       “Mr. Sandman Bring Me a Dream”

       “Dirty Girl”

       The Stalker: 1997

       “You Are Not Wanted”

       Dirty Girl

       “Violet,