know where to look. ‘Both of my boys are having early mid-life crises and then I nearly set the house on fire.’
‘Come on, Mum, it’s not that bad.’ Dan put a hand on her arm. I noticed he didn’t try to deny the crisis part. She covered her face with her hands and began sobbing into them. Half of me wanted to put my arms around her too and join the group hug, as I’d do if she was my mum, but I had no idea how that might go down. Instead I watched as Rob and Dan enveloped her and the three stood there for a few seconds, hugging. I wondered whether to grab my coat and disappear, but I’d promised Rob I’d stay at his tonight; besides, I was wearing new underwear. Instead I comforted myself with a realisation: Maybe my own family is not so dysfunctional after all.
‘How bad would you say it was on a scale of one to ten?’ I asked Rob, when we finally made it into bed at his place that evening. We were cuddled up in our usual position, legs entwined, my face pressed into his chest.
‘I’d give it a seven,’ he said eventually.
‘Seven?’ I gasped, lifting my head to look at his. ‘What the hell would a two evening be like?’
‘There’s been worse,’ he whispered nonchalantly, not even opening his eyes. ‘Mum means well, and she does like you, I promise. Now can we go to sleep?’
I lay there for a few minutes, my head too full for sleep. Finally, I rolled over and lifted my phone from the bedside table. I texted Vicky:
Met Rob’s mum – she hates me.
In the morning there was a response from Vicky:
How could anyone hate you? Anyway, is he going to New York?
By that evening, I had filled her in on the whole situation. To say she was excited about the move was an understatement. She did a lap of her garden, singing, ‘Rule Britannia!’, at the top of her voice, while I was still on the phone. She didn’t even seem to mind that I would have to move her stuff out of our flat. The fact we were to be a mere six-hour plane ride away from one another made up for everything. It was just the enthusiasm I needed to make the whole thing feel real. We spent the next thirty minutes discussing all the things we could do together when she came to visit, which included a weekend in the Hamptons, jogging in Central Park, and munching our way through stacks of blueberry pancakes.
I was worried about work, though. Joseph had been strangely elusive almost all day on Monday, holed up in meetings with Jeff, and I was getting increasingly paranoid they were talking about my future at Selfridges.
Eventually, at five o’clock, he returned with a face like thunder saying we needed to ‘up our game’ and that the summer window theme hadn’t exactly ‘set the big wigs on fire’.
‘Not original enough,’ he said. ‘Apparently, we “must try harder”.’ He drew more quote marks in the air with his fingers. ‘What do they want? Windows that chat you up as you walk past?’
‘Actually, there could be an idea in that,’ I muttered, unhelpfully.
As I was leaving work that evening, he pulled me aside. ‘As you can tell it was a heavy day, wasn’t the right time to ask about your sabbatical. I’ll try later in the week, when, hopefully, we’re flavour of the month again. Okay, babe?’
‘Okay, thank you, I really appreciate it.’
‘What are you two gossiping about?’ Shauna asked, bounding over to stick her nosy beak in.
‘Shop windows, what do you think?’ I shot back.
‘Come with ideas tomorrow,’ Joseph added, before giving me a wink.
‘So I think the wink was an indication that it’s basically going to be fine,’ I reported to Rob when he arrived at mine later that evening. We were staying over with each other almost every night at the moment and it was great. I’m having regular sex! I’m eating something other than hummus and pitta bread for dinner most nights! I’m watching the news with someone to explain the repercussions of Brexit!
‘But what will you do if it’s not?’ he asked, confronting the big question that so far I’d been refusing to acknowledge. And he had a point; it could very well go out of my favour if Jeff remained in a foul mood all week.
‘I guess I’ll quit,’ I replied after a beat.
Rob sucked his cheeks in and sighed heavily. ‘Blimey, that’s pressure,’ he said.
‘Yes, it is, but I’m sure I’d get another job when we got back.’
‘That’s a lot of pressure on me, I mean – I make you lose your job just to come with me to New York for three months.’
‘Yes, but I’m not your sheep, Rob, I’ve made the decision too. It’s me that’s taking the risk. Or are you trying to say something else? Are you sure you want me to come to New York with you?’
The words hung in the air between us for a second too long.
‘Rob?’
‘Of course I do, we’ve been through this before – I’d love nothing more. I just want you to be certain too.’
‘I am! I’d give up my job tomorrow if I had to – opportunities like this don’t come along often and I know I’ll regret it for the rest of my life if I don’t come with you. I want to spend as much time with you as I can. Why, are you having second thoughts?’
He took my head into his hands and looked at me, telling me with his eyes that I should shut up.
‘I love you Amber,’ he said finally, ‘risk taker, adventurer and woman I can’t wait to get to know even more in New York.’
My heart leapt.
Oh. My. God. He said it. He said he loves me. And the way he said it made me feel like I was the only person in the world.
‘I’m pretty sure I love you too,’ I whispered.
The corners of his mouth turned up and the movement continued until there was a huge grin spread right across his face, lighting up his whole being.
‘Pretty sure?’ he said, ‘Have I still got some convincing to do?’
I blushed.
‘Well, I’m pretty sure I know how to start,’ he continued.
We melted into one another, lips on lips, hands all over one another, his strong body guiding me to the bedroom. Just a few short words, a few seconds in time, and we were on the next level. We are a couple in love.
This time when we made love it felt different, it was more intense than ever before. I couldn’t help it but afterwards, tears streamed down my cheeks. I don’t think he noticed in the darkness, because he rolled over and was soon lightly snoring, one warm arm flopped over my body. I cried because in that instant it was like I was letting go of all those years as a singleton, all the times I weathered whatever life threw at me on my own, getting on with things, relying on no one but myself. Don’t get me wrong, I was fine with it during that time – but it wasn’t always easy, doing everything alone. Now I had a reason to give myself completely to somebody else, to this gorgeous man, because he loved me and wanted us to be a team.
I must have been radiating something the next morning, because the man in Pret à Manger gave me a free latte and no sooner had I arrived at work than Joseph pulled me aside to say he’d been in early to chat with Jeff, and Jeff had approved my sabbatical.
‘Told him if we didn’t let you go, we’d lose you anyway. You’re lucky, Amber. And with some of that luck I hope you’ll befriend Tom Ford while you’re out there and set him up with me,’ he said, smiling. ‘Just promise you’ll come back, or that will be the end of sabbaticals, forever. I’m not joking.’
I