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Dishonour
Helen Black
To Dad. We miss you.
Table of Contents
In Conversation with Helen Black
I watch Yasmeen sleep, her breath shallow, her mouth slightly parted.
She is so beautiful.
Wherever she goes people stare at those eyes, heavy-lidded, flecked with amber.
At mosque, when she takes her usual place, her hijab secured tightly under her chin, I can see her lips move. They are garnet red as she murmurs her prayers.
Here, on the bed, I am dazzled by her all over again and I nearly change my mind. There’s still time. I could call an ambulance and they would inject her with drugs, attach her to machines.
I pull out my phone and my finger hovers over the number nine.
But no. I have made up my mind.
There was a time when I would have done anything for this girl and she would have done the same for me. In this cruel world we stood shoulder to shoulder against those who would torment us. When I lost hope she held my face in her hands.
‘God will provide.’
I wonder then why she has chosen to wreck everything. To bring this family to its knees. To crush me like a can.
Her chest rattles and I picture myself sitting here in Yasmeen’s bedroom, watching this girl I have loved so well. Watching her die.
Do I still love her?
With all my heart.
Yet I am immobile as her life creeps away.
She lets out a tiny gasp and a pink bubble forms on her lips.
When it bursts I know it is over and through my tears I whisper the words she cannot say for herself.
‘I bear witness that there is no God but Allah.’
May 2009
‘Un-bloody-believable.’
Lilly Valentine leaned against the wall and sighed. ‘I paid for all this to be up and running last week and I still can’t make outgoing calls.’
The telephone engineer was lying on the floor, unscrewing a socket. ‘There must be a glitch in your system,’ he said.
‘A glitch?’
‘That’s right. There are often problems with the fibre optics.’
‘Listen, mate, I’m trying to run a law firm, not sit for a degree in telecommunications.’ Lilly heaved her backside into a chair. ‘Can you fix it?’
‘I’ll need a new circuit board,’ said the engineer. ‘Can I come back tomorrow?’
Lilly shook her head in despair.
‘Try not to worry,’ the man laughed. ‘Teething troubles are routine.’
Lilly smoothed her hand over her pregnant belly and looked around at the new offices of Valentine & Co. Unopened post was spewed across the doormat, files littered every seat, the espresso machine still in its box and the potted plant had already died.
‘Trust me,’ she said. ‘Nothing in my life is ever routine.’
As the engineer stood to leave Lilly leaned over and opened a box of headed notepaper. The smell of fresh ink escaped.
The engineer looked over Lilly’s shoulder. ‘“Valerian and Co,”’ he read. ‘Ain’t that a type of sleeping pill?’
Lilly closed her eyes tight and hoped this was all a bad dream. When she opened them everything was exactly the same.
‘Un-bloody-believable.’
The heat of the smoke makes Ryan’s lungs sting but he holds it in and counts to five.
Only girls can’t take their weed. And batty boys.
Lailla wags her finger. ‘You gonna get caught with that.’
Ryan laughs in a cloud of grey. ‘You worried about me?’
‘I think you a big enough boy to be looking after yourself, Ryan Sanders,’ she winks.
Naz and some of the other boys whistle but Ryan knows Lailla is only messing. She flirts with all the boys at school but everyone knows she’s going with Sonny. He’s eighteen and picks Lailla up in a black Merc. Personalised reg plate and everything.