Lee Wilkinson

The Secret Mother


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didn’t ask what had become of him.’ Watching the colour drain out of her face, leaving it ashen, he added, ‘I wonder why?’

      Her voice sounding hollow, echoing inside her own head, she said, ‘I didn’t consider it was any of my business.’

      ‘I’ll tell you all the same. It’s three years today since he was killed in an accident. That’s why I’m in such a black mood...’

      As she stared at him transfixed, unable to move or speak, like someone mortally wounded, he added, ‘So perhaps you’ll forgive me?’

      It seemed an age before she was able to say through bloodless lips, ‘Of course...I’m sorry.’

      He reached to refill the glasses. ‘I take it you’ve had no worries over Caitlin while I’ve been away?’

      Gathering herself, Caroline said, ‘No, she’s been fine. She’s missed you, of course, and asked about you every day.’

      ‘She calls me Daddy?’

      ‘Yes.’

      ‘I haven’t discouraged her, as I’m hoping to legally adopt her.’ Then with no change of tone, he asked, ‘Have you made any special plans for tomorrow?’

      ‘Special plans?’

      ‘It’s Caitlin’s birthday.’

      He watched Caroline catch her breath while she absorbed the shock.

      ‘I—I didn’t realise... No one mentioned it...’ Seeing his face harden with unaccountable anger, she stammered, ‘W-was that what you wanted to talk to me about?’

      ‘Amongst other things. But we’ll deal with that first.’

      Her stunned mind trying to cope with the possibilities, Caroline suggested, ‘When I take her to playschool tomorrow morning, I’ll talk to the mothers of her special friends and see if I can fix an afternoon party, with a cake and—’

      ‘That won’t be necessary. Before I went away I arranged a party at McDonalds which includes a cake and a magician and all the trimmings. About a dozen of Caitlin’s friends will be there.’

      Feeling as though she’d been slapped, Caroline swallowed hard. ‘I’m sorry you didn’t think to mention it sooner... I haven’t even got a birthday present for her.’

      ‘There’s really no need for you to give her anything.’

      ‘I’d like to.’

      ‘Very well. If you want to choose something, have tomorrow morning off. I’ll be home all day.’

      ‘Thank you,’ she said stiffly. Then, trying to sound as if it didn’t matter, ‘Will you be taking her to the party?’

      ‘Yes, I’d planned to take her. Why? Do you want the whole day off?’

      ‘No. I—I just wondered.’

      Getting to her feet, doing her best to hide her disappointment, Caroline cleared away the first course and, when he shook his head at the chocolate tart, reached for the pot of coffee.

      As she filled both their cups he asked idly, ‘Have you any plans for the festive season?’

      ‘No.’

      ‘Good. I’m intending to spend Christmas away from home...’

      Though she knew it was unwise, to say the least, Caroline had hoped to see at least something of Matthew over the holiday. Now, despite the pleasure being with the child would bring, disappointment made her voice a little flat as she said, ‘So you want me to stay here with Caitlin?’

      ‘No, I want you both to come upstate with me. I own a country club and health spa on Clear Lake.’

      Caroline went icy cold with shock, as though every drop of warm blood had drained from her body.

      ‘Have you ever been to a health spa?’

      ‘No... I—I know nothing about such places.’

      ‘Then it’s high time you did. Can you swim?’

      Panic-stricken, she lied, ‘No.’

      ‘Then this will be an ideal opportunity to have some expert tuition.’

      But the idea of going back to Clear Lake, where she’d once been so rapturously happy, filled her with a bleak anguish.

      He picked it up instantly. ‘You don’t seem to like the idea?’

      She voiced the only protest she could think of. ‘But you’re paying me to look after Caitlin, not learn how to swim.’

      ‘By next year Caitlin should be swimming well herself, and it will be useful if you’re already experienced and can accompany her.’

      He was talking about next year as if he expected her to still be here. Caroline warmed herself with the thought, before objecting, ‘But someone would have to look after her while I—’

      “‘Someone” will. The spa is family orientated. As well as a highly trained staff we have a number of experienced nursemaids and a babysitting service. Last year we started to run a special nursery and a toddler’s activity centre. It keeps the younger children engaged and happy and allows parents to give their nannies a holiday—’ he gave her a mocking glance ‘—white they do their own thing.

      ‘The scheme was my suggestion, and I’d like to try it out first-hand.’ Smoothly sarcastic, he added, ‘That is, unless you have any objections?’

      The very last thing she wanted to do was accompany Matthew to Clear Lake, but he employed her, and she could hardly refuse to go.

      After watching the changing expressions flit across her face, he queried, ‘Well?’

      She shook her head. ‘No, I haven’t any objections.’

      ‘Good, then that’s settled. Can you be ready to go straight after the party tomorrow? Caitlin is at an age where sitting in a car can be boring, but if we travel up during the evening, she’ll probably sleep most of the way.’

      

      When, late afternoon the following day, they left New York City, fresh snow had been falling for almost an hour. White and clean and crisp, it covered the sidewalks, clung to lampposts and buildings, and formed pointed caps on each set of red and green traffic lights.

      But the main routes upstate were clear, and their journey, north through the snowy evening in the big four-wheel drive that Matthew had taken in place of his usual Jaguar was trouble-free and comfortable.

      As he had foreseen, Caitlin, who had been bathed and changed and tucked into a cosy sleeping-bag, slept soundly, and for the first few miles only the shush of the tyres and the swish of the wiper blades broke the silence.

      Caroline watched the swirling flakes without really seeing them, her thoughts on that afternoon’s birthday party.

      She had dressed Caitlin in the special party frock and matching ribbons she herself had bought that morning, and when Matthew, who had come through to collect the child, had said merely, ‘My, don’t you look pretty,’ she had experienced a surge of relief.

      ‘Can Caro come with us?’ Caitlin asked.

      His head came up and, sounding annoyed, he asked, ‘Why does she call you Caro?’

      ‘I suggested it,’ Caroline admitted.

      ‘Wouldn’t Nanny have been more appropriate?’

      Caroline swallowed. ‘I thought she might have called her grandmother that...some children do...’

      ‘Can she come, Daddy?’ Caitlin persisted.

      ‘Would you like her to?’

      The child nodded vigorously.

      His green gaze on Caroline’s