y Family Book
How to stay happy in marriage
Irina Bjørnø
Proofreader Francoise Page
Photograph Irina Bjørnø
© Irina Bjørnø, 2019
© Irina Bjørnø, photos, 2019
ISBN 978-5-4496-2131-3
Created with Ridero smart publishing system
Preface
This practical book was written for You because you have decided to share your life with the person you have chosen AND to enjoy being together for many years (till death do us part).
In many fairytales the ending is magic: they marry and live happily ever after… the fairytale is over but the story is only beginning… How do they manage to be happy ever after? What is their secret?
In fairytales, couples often come from two different countries or places. This means that both the Prince and his Princess have two different cultures but they do live happily ever after… Dream or may be lie?
In this book I will describe a situation similar, but true, that of two people from two different parts of the world. They fall in love and marry. They want to be happy and be a family – a happy family. However, they don’t know HOW. This book is to help you to understand the way to happiness for two people in a permanent relationship. This book concerns itself with the science and the art of happy family life and intimate relationships. Science means an exact knowledge. Art means feelings and inspirations. You need both parts to form a happy family. It is about learning and practicing. It unlocks hidden secrets which you can use for a successful future.
Does this book also concern couples with the same nationality? Yes, it does, because some aspects of family life are so fundamental that the partners could be coming from next door but at the same time they could be so different as if they were from two different planets.
Why was this book written?
It was written because there is an urgent need to help people looking for a permanent relationship. Every third marriage ends up in separation or divorce after a few years. Russian wisdom says, that you are supposed to eat together one “pud” (an old fashioned Russian measure for 16 kilos) of salt before you can say that you know your partner in marriage well. People eat an average of 5 grams of salt a day. Two people eat 10 grams. It takes at least 4 years to eat together 16 kilos of salt. Statistics show the peak divorce rate between the 3rd and the 5th year of marriage. Conclusion: you do not know the person you married. Is it not a good idea to know how to build a long-lasting relationship? I think it is wise to spend your time to learn and to become an expert in this subject.
I live in beautiful Denmark and have been happily married to a Dane for 17 years (I am Russian born). I am the exception. I have a happy and wonderful life.
However in my profession (I run a well established clinic where I treat family problems daily for people from different backgrounds) I observe the same patterns repeating themselves: my patients make the same mistakes and fall into the same traps.
I have decided to write this book based upon my personal experience and as a result of many sessions of family therapy (I am professional counsellor, hypnotherapist, writer, and yoga teacher).
It is impossible to remain fully healthy if your private life is unsatisfactory. If you do not feel comfortable in your private relationship, it will affect your health. It is better to be happy and healthy than unhappy with health problems. This book is about the good healthy family.
Allow some time to read this book as it is interactive: I need YOUR participation in the process of creating Your Happy Family. Get started. Take a deep breath. Use the exercises in the book, as a way to better understand yourself and your partner.
Also, use this book as a material for discussion. At the end of each day after reading, ask yourself:
– What did I learn from these pages?
– How can I use it for self – improvement as a partner and family member?
– What did I enjoy most?
Learn – Use – Enjoy – This is the book’s philosophy.
It is my personal belief that in the future the topic: “Forming a Family” will be included in the school curriculum all over the world. Education is the only way to develop yourself because it gives you KNOW HOW and bases your knowledge upon the experience of the past generations (the science part!). We teach our children mathematics, computer science, biology, but not how to be a good husband, wife, mother, or father. And then they create THE FAMILY, hoping it will last all their life and later they wonder why problems start to accumulate.
Do I have such a problem in my family life? Yes, I do, but I know how to deal with it and STAY HAPPY. And I would like to share my secrets with you, my dear friend who, I expect, is in a similar situation, married, engaged or may be taking steps to find a loved one, and who would like to achieve a happy life.
We start from scratch. We start with the question: why do we marry a particular person? How do we find our dream partner? How do we create a happy Family?
Here is the interaction plan. You can choose to go directly to the chapter you need to solve your problems or you may choose to follow my plan. Each chapter has a practical part, usually situated at the end of the chapter and which can be used directly.
Here is the sequence of topics which we will study:
– Science: How to choose the right partner
– Marriage: tradition or biological need?
– Love and family. Myth and reality.
– Family patterns: what should I follow in a mixed (two nationalities) marriage?
– Needs of the woman in the couple relationship
– Needs of the man in the couple relationship
– Sex and intimacy in family life
– Everyday routines in family life: The Golden Rules.
– Conflicts and ways to solve them with dignity.
– Children: for or against – the future of the family
– Family traditions and Science of growing together
– Be happy and live longer by staying in a permanent relationship
Excited? Now let’s get started…
1. Science: How to choose the right partner?
Do you remember how and why you chose your partner? What criteria did you use to make your dream come true? Was it love at first sight? Was it real or did you regret it later? How many mistakes did you make before you managed to choose the right person?
When you go to the grocery shop to buy carrots you know the type of carrot you want to buy (organic, with tops, small, big, colour, from a special area, local produce, etc…). If you make a mistake it is easy to correct and not too expensive.
When you buy new furniture, you look through catalogues, do some research in different shops, try to borrow some to see how it will fits in your room – it is more complicated and takes more time – you try to be professional and to learn as much as possible on the subject. Mistakes cost more time and money.
What happens when you choose your “dream partner”? “I met this girl/boy last week and fell in love… Why? I don’t know but I FEEL