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Harper
An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd
The News Building
1 London Bridge Street
London SE1 9GF
First published in Great Britain by Harper 2016
Copyright © Alexandra Brown 2016
Cover design by Alexandra Allden © HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2016
Cover images © StockIllustrations.com / Alamy (cottage); The Natural History Museum / Alamy (two dogs); Ikon Images / Alamy (brown dog); Shutterstock.com (all other images).
Alexandra Brown asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
A catalogue copy of this book is available from the British Library.
This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.
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Source ISBN: 9780008110437
Ebook Edition © October 2016 ISBN: 9780008110437
Version 2016-09-14
For Monty and Dusty… run free wee souls.
‘I love my dog as much as I love you.’
Cat Stevens
Table of Contents
Army base, Market Briar, 2013
Hello, beautiful,
I don’t know why I’m writing this letter because I hope it never gets to you, but if you are reading it then I guess my number came up and I’m sorry things didn’t turn out the way I planned. Please try not to be sad, babe, because I died knowing that you loved me so much and doing something I had to do. You know it was always my dream to be a soldier, drive tanks around the desert and dispose of the bombs we found, and I thank you with all my heart for standing by me and putting up with it all. I wanted to make a difference and you gave me that chance, I would never have got to play the hero if it wasn’t for your selfless courage.
You made me so happy, my reason for living, the beat of my heart, the breath in my body, and the best day of my life was when I met you. The next best day was when we got married and then two years later seeing our baby girl growing inside you. I’ll never forget her little heart beating away on the monitor when we went for the scan, I thought my own heart was gonna burst with pride and love, and do you remember her little hand waving at us? Our tiny Teddie bear. Please tell her every day that I love her, that I’m proud of her and will always be there to watch over her. I didn’t get to meet her for real but I’m so happy that a part of me will live on with you and I know she’ll be gorgeous and funny and kind and brave, just like her mummy.
I love you, sweetheart, you’re my wife, my rock and my best friend. You’re my whole world and I want you to know that I love you with all my heart. I’m sorry I had to go and didn’t have more time to show you just how much I really did love you.
I hope you have a wonderful and fulfilling life and meet a decent bloke that will love you as much as I do. I want you to have loads more kids and get married again.
I’m gonna go now and look forward to us meeting up again when you’re a little old granny with a hunchback and a face covered in wrinkles, I’ll still fancy you, though.