Articles of Faith Russell Brand Table of Contents
1 This year I’ll ride the snake like a soccer shaman
2 A pitch-perfect ending to a sadly familiar song
3 A pledge is not enough to make England shine
4 Dark lore of Dyer and the Hammers’ hex
5 Never mind Israel, I’ve been beaten by Bohemia
6 Repent, for the kingdom of Steve is at hand
7 Chelsea too small for these two randy stags
8 His Grace Arsène, the shaman of our football
9 Whatever next? Joe Cole on stilts?
Interview between Russell Brand and David Baddiel
10 My cathode carnival with Sir Alex turning green
11 Who’s to blame for my impotent rage?
12 First rule for life in the lounge: no swearing
13 East will always be east for lovers of freedom
14 My view from afar of Fergie’s flirtatious feuding
15 I need a new way to feed my England habit
16 This crimson blot will take three years to fade
17 José makes my day…in another dimension
18 Barwick must atone for the sins of his fathers
19 Capello’s trunks more titillating than his titles
Interview between Russell Brand and James Corden
20 Inner sanctums reveal soul of Hammers family
21 Watching Arsenal, thinking of Sting and Trudie
22 Don’t let Harry head north for shooting practice
23 If Keegan’s a messiah I want the Cockney Moses
24 Is Morrissey talking the language of West Ham?
25 Well done stern Fabio for defying our emotions
26 Let’s revolt against Lucre-more’s ludicracy
27 Potassium-rich fruit has no place in football
Interview between Russell Brand and Noel Gallagher
28 A lament for Gazza, whose gift became his curse
29 Congratulations to Spurs for their lowly bauble
30 Is this the right fertiliser for Grays’ grassroots?
31 What’s the point in replaying a humiliation?
32 Hurrah for super, special, Sunday soccer-day
33 Capello’s words minced by sinister Nosferatu
34 My adventures with Beckham in wonderland
35 No replacing the man with a wiggle in his walk
36 From Bridge to Boleyn with Littlejohn on a limo-bike
37 Girls may turn my head but my heart is lost
38 Enthralled by a giddy mist of climactic hysteria
39 United to win – the Gods’ll never work this one out
40 One little slip and happiness goes out the window
I am writing this intro so that you feel validated in purchasing this compilation of columns. If I don’t write it you might feel aggrieved that you’ve coughed up money (yuk! Who’d do that? You could only cough it up if you’d eaten it. I hate those people that eat coins and light bulbs and clock parts. Why don’t they get a proper job? Like me for instance, I write a lovely column – and intros to column compilations – you won’t catch me scoffing down
