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ENDINGS
A Novel
by
Barbara Bergin
book design by Vicki Ahl
© 2007 by Barbara Bergin. All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Bergin, Barbara, 1954-
Endings : a novel / by Barbara Bergin.
p. cm.
ISBN 978-0-86534-519-5 (alk. paper)
1. Loss (Psychology)–Fiction. 2. Women surgeons-Fiction.
3. Ranch life–Texas–Fiction. I. Title.
PS3602.E7549E53 2007
813’.6–dc22
2007006431
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SUNSTONE PRESS/ POST OFFICE BOX 2321 / SANTA FE, NM 87504-2321 /USA
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To Matt—
We got to keep you.
Contents
1
Left hand tightly grasping the steering wheel, the thumb hyperextended, like a hitchhiker. The right hand more relaxed, but placed firmly in the two o’clock position. It’s one of the only things she does the same every time, especially now. Now that she tries to do nothing like before.
But her hands are driven to rest in the familiar pose and it triggers unwanted memories. She looks in the rear view mirror, imagines the reflection of matching car seats. Keeping her left hand on the steering wheel, her right hand became an experienced proboscis which could retrieve fallen pacifiers or bottles. When they were little the objects fell accidentally. When they were twelve months old, they dropped them to get attention.
“Mommy! Tell him to get off my side!”
But there was nothing in the mirror. Only spidery black etchings of water streamed down the back window. Black on black. The road from Brownwood dropped imperceptibly away.
Stop now. Pinching her cheeks to the point of pain. Do something to force the images out of her mind. She focused on the raindrops which moved to the beat