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ALSO BY KENT NERBURN
Calm Surrender
Chief Joseph and the Flight of the Nez Perce
The Girl Who Sang to the Buffalo
A Haunting Reverence
Make Me an Instrument of Your Peace
Neither Wolf nor Dog
Ordinary Sacred
Road Angels
Simple Truths
Small Graces
The Wolf at Twilight
EDITED BY KENT NERBURN
Native American Wisdom
The Soul of an Indian
The Wisdom of the Great Chiefs
Copyright © 1994, 1999, 2014 by Kent Nerburn
All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means — electronic, mechanical, or other — without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.
Text design by Tona Pearce Myers
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.
First printing of 20th anniversary edition, May 2014
ISBN 978-1-60868-280-5
Printed in Canada on 100% postconsumer-waste recycled paper
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New World Library is proud to be a Gold Certified Environmentally Responsible Publisher. Publisher certification awarded by Green Press Initiative. www.greenpressinitiative.org |
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For Nik, of course,and every father’s son
“We are born male.We must learn to be men.”
CONTENTS
Preface to the Twentieth Anniversary Edition
Foreword by Richard Carlson
Introduction
Prologue: A Father’s Wish
1. The Shadow of the Father
2. Man and Male
3. Strength
4. Rainaldi’s Lesson
5. Education and Learning
6. Work
7. Possessions
8. The Miracle of Giving
9. Money and Wealth
10. Drugs and Alcohol
11. Tragedy and Suffering
12. Fighting
13. War
14. The Spiritual Journey
15. Loneliness and Solitude
16. Sports and Competition
17. Travel
18. The Blue Moment
19. Leaving
20. Craig’s Lesson
21. The Power of Art
22. On Loving Another Man
23. Women and Men
24. Falling in Love
25. The Mystery of Sex
26. Making Love
27. The Haunted Heart
28. Partners and Marriage
29. Staying Faithful
30. Fatherhood
31. The Burden of Age
32. The Gift of Age
33. Death
34. Embracing the Light
Epilogue: A Father’s Reflection
About the Author
PREFACE TO THE TWENTIETH ANNIVERSARY EDITION
An author’s books are like children. We give them birth, send them forth into the world, and watch anxiously as they struggle to find their place amid the confusion and cacophony of life.
Letters to My Son was my literary firstborn. As all parents know, each child claims a special place in your heart. Letters to My Son has a clarity and earnest wonder that I would never achieve again. I love it dearly.
It also set me on a course that has shaped all my subsequent writing. Though it has a purity and a style all its own, it showed me that I could and should — indeed, I must — write from my best self, eschewing cynicism, irony, and literary cleverness. It told me I was a writer of the heart.
Now, twenty years and more than a dozen books later, Letters to My Son still watches over its literary siblings, demanding that they speak with empathy and caring, no matter what their voice or what their purpose.
It also has found its rightful place in the world.
It has become a trusted friend to single mothers who wish to pass a father’s words on to their sons, a guide to fathers looking to offer their sons a voice of clarity about life’s most important issues, and a companion for young men who want a thoughtful and caring helpmate on their journey toward a worthy manhood.
Several of its chapters have taken wing on the internet and been embraced by people across the globe. The chapter on “Travel” has become a staple on the blogs of young people everywhere. “Partners and Marriage” and “Falling in Love” have been used in wedding ceremonies around the world. And “The Spiritual Journey” has become an anthem for spiritual seekers, both within and outside traditional religious denominations and faiths. British prime minister David Cameron even quoted from Letters to My Son in his 2011 Father’s Day address to the nation on the first anniversary of his father’s passing. Truly, this literary child has made its way in the world.
In this twentieth anniversary edition I have not wanted to violate