you are serious about walking on that road yourself, read this book—and use it.”
—ROBERT PERRY, founder of the Circle of Atonement and author of Path of Light and Signs: A New Approach to Coincidence, Synchronicity, Guidance, Life Purpose, and God's Plan
“I opened this book and could not stop reading it! If you want to give up guilt, suffering, or painful distance from loved ones who have disappointed or hurt you, definitely get yourself a copy of The Forgiveness Solution. This is the most practical book you can buy on forgiveness. It can help you restore your own peace and happiness and make a rapid 180° turn in healing the most important relationships in your life!”
—DIANA KIRSCHNER, PH.D., author of Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love
First published in 2009 by
Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC
With offices at:
500 Third Street, Suite 230
San Francisco, CA 94107
Copyright © 2009 by Philip Friedman
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC. Reviewers may quote brief passages.
ISBN: 978-1-57324-462-6
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.
Cover design by Maija Tollefson
Text design by Maxine Ressler
Typeset in Adobe Garamond Pro and Avenir
Photographs by Raymond W. Holman, Jr.
Printed in the United States of America
VG
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
The paper used in this publication meets the minimum requirements of the American National Standard for Information Sciences—Permanence of Paper for Printed Library Materials Z39.48-1992 (R1997).
Dedicated to my wife Teresa Molinaro-Friedman, my son Mathew A. Friedman, and to the late Martha Crampton, a close friend and colleague.
Contents
Who Will Benefit from This Book?
Do You Work Better Alone or with Someone Else
What Are Some of the Major Benefits of Forgiving?
“But What If I Have Blocks or Resistances?”
CHAPTER 1. Where Are You Now? Some Basic Self-Assessments
Diagram 1. Summary of Relationship between Forgiveness, Beliefs, and Emotions and Well-Being
Subjective Happiness Scale (SHS)
Satisfaction with Life Scale (SWLS)
The Gratitude Questionnaire (GQ6)
The Heartland Forgiveness Scale (HFS)
Heartland Forgiveness Scale Self-Scoring and Interpretation
Summary of Scores: Initial Assessment Scoring
CHAPTER 2. Identifying Who You Feel Has Harmed You
Exercise: Who Did Something within the Past Year That Hurt or Harmed You?
Journaling Experience 1: Last Year
Journaling Experience 2: Earlier in Life
Journaling Experience 3: Yourself
Exercise: Affirmations 1 and 2
Exercise: Journaling Positive Benefits of Experiences 1–3
One Core Problem, One Core Solution
Exercise: Identifying Your Grievances and Attack Thoughts