CONTENTS OF A SCHOOLBOY’S PENCIL CASE
Published by YENBOOKS
editorial offices at
Bunkyo-ku, Tokyo 112, Japan
© 1993 YENBOOKS
All rights reserved
LCC Card No. 93-61013
ISBN 0-8048-1948-3; ISBN 978-1-4629-1832-4 (ebook)
First edition, 1993
Printed in Japan
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Creating a book has been a lot more work than I thought, so it’s a good idea to thank the people who helped to make it work.
First, thanks go to Bert: he put up with a lot of flak, mostly from me. Then, to Mark and Jude (stunning design, Jude) for their SUBSTANTIAL amounts of assistance. Thanks as well to my folks, who supported me even though they didn’t know I was doing this. Thanks Ron (and Heather) for the Dominican inspiration. Thanks also Murph, for being the best sounding board I know, and Bill Ducey, for the good humor.
—Paul Nowak
CONTENTS
CULTURE
Japanese History
Tea Ceremony
Haiku
Origami
Communication
Palm Reading
Politics
Apologies
SOCIAL ACTIVITIES
The Enkai
Vacations and Company Trips
Picture Taking
Golf
Tough Guys
Karaoke
English Teaching
SIGHTS
Walking Guide To Tokyo
SERVICES
Supermarkets
New Drinks
Restaurants
Coffee Shops
Gas Stations
Technology
Classifieds
Sponsor List
CONTENTS OF A SCHOOLGIRL’S PENCIL CASE
JAPANESE HISTORY
Japan has a long and complex history spanning ten thousand years, culminating during the last century with a period of modernization during which it was transformed from an isolated feudalistic society to what is now the most literate, technologically advanced, and arguably the cutest society in the whole wide world.
To understand the scope and complexity of Japanese history, one must understand the characteristics of each period, the nature of political conflict, and drink something with a lot of caffeine in it.
RECENTLY DISCOVERED VIEWS OF MT. FUJI, CIRCA 1605
According to myth, the founder of Japan was descended from the sun, and is depicted as a man running around with his shorts on fire, leaping into a lake. From this supernatural origin, the shogun, whom we will henceforth refer to for purposes of historical and linguistic accuracy as shogun, took this as a mandate for their rule. The shogun were beautifully dressed men who abused all men under their jurisdiction in the cruellest way possible until rewarding their devotion by sending them to be filleted by other abused men wielding exquisitely crafted swords. The dialectic of history in feudal Japan is best summarized by a section of a dialogue recorded by a member of the court of Yuho Kitazawa (1203-1986), which reads, “Ouch ooch eech!”
MORE RECENTLY DISCOVERED VIEWS OF MT. FUJI, CIRCA 1605
The most omnipresent figure portrayed throughout Japanese history, however, is a mountain. Mt. Fuji evokes the spirit of nature and purity, as well as boasting a lot of eating and drinking spots, and is to the Japanese what the Statue of Liberty or a crumpled Budweiser can is to Americans.
AND THEN SOME
TEA CEREMONY
The tea ceremony, an ancient ritual used to demonstrate boundless respect for an honored guest, is the pinnacle of beauty and refinement. The tea ceremony traces its origin to the samurai class (specifically the Sissy clan of Kagoshima) who, in between alternately terrorizing merchants and farmers, created this elaborate rite celebrating beauty, form, and a tea set to die for.
The ceremony begins by assuming the seezhur position, which is best described as the way you would sit if you were slowly collapsing under the weight of a walrus. The tea master then begins the 363 (or up to 600, depending on his or her level of senility) steps of lifting, wiping, pouring, replacing, and drooling over the tea set. The guest must carefully receive the season-themed drinking bowl, admire it from all sides, express admiration, and not suddenly doze off. After tea, sweets (meaning the tasteless shells of Twinkies stuffed with spackle) are served. Sudden, unexpected movements are taboo, but vomiting is expected and even encouraged. You will leave the ceremony with a new appreciation for ceremony and technique, and an even greater appreciation for ancient rites involving chairs.
THE GREAT TEA-CEREMONY MASTER
HAIKU
Haiku rouse great admiration among Westerners because, in only three lines, they deliver the same impact requiring hundreds of lines in Western poems. In haiku, as in Japanese painting, the power of the message derives as much from the space as from the objects. Haiku communicate a sense of nature, human experience, and the passage of time. One of the most famous, by Kenzo Goldstein (1066-6601):
Night’s silent pool sleeps
Moonbeams fall, shimmer
Pull over quick, I’m going to throw up.
Some haiku bring the exquisite details of nature, often overlooked by Westerners, into the foreground:
Song of the cricket
Winter’s wind once weeped
I scraped it off but I still smell it.
Or:
As I belch, contemplating Fuji
Once more, in silence,
I taste those pickles.
ANCIENT KANJI SCROLLS TRANSLATED