Matt Haig

The Last Family in England


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      Matt Haig is the number one bestselling author of Reasons to Stay Alive and six highly acclaimed novels for adults, including How to Stop Time, The Humans and The Radleys. As a writer for children and young adults he has won the Blue Peter Book Award, the Smarties Book Prize and been nominated three times for the Carnegie Medal. His work has been published in over forty languages. @matthaig1 matthaig.com

      Also By Matt Haig

       The Dead Fathers Club

       The Possession of Mr Cave

       The Radleys

       The Humans

       Humans: An A–Z

       Reasons to Stay Alive

       How to Stop Time

      For Children

       The Runaway Troll

       Shadow Forest

       To Be A Cat

       Echo Boy

       A Boy Called Christmas

       The Girl Who Saved Christmas

       Father Christmas and Me

title

      Published in Great Britain in 2018 by Canongate Books Ltd, 14 High Street, Edinburgh EH1 1TE

      canongate.co.uk

      Copyright © Matt Haig 2004

      First published in Great Britain in 2004 by Jonathan Cape

      This digital edition first published in 2017 by Canongate Books

      The moral right of the author has been asserted

      British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data A catalogue record for this book is available on request from the British Library

      ISBN 978 1 78689 322 2

       eISBN 978 1 78689 323 9

      To Andrea

      The first role of a father and husband is to keep his family safe

       David Beckham

      Wisdom cries out in the streets and no man regards it

       William Shakespeare

       Contents

       talk

       normal

       pleasure

       The Labrador Pact: Duty Over All

       garden

       retrieval

       powder

       mess

       everywhere

       The Labrador Pact: Prepare for changes in human behaviour

       happy

       power

       mirror-girl

       voice

       meal

       phone

       gravity

       trouble

       dream

       sound

       whimper

       The Labrador Pact: Learn from your elders

       good

       principles

       cleaning

       sign

       resistance

       pattern

       africa

       shoes

       The Labrador Pact: Prediction equals protection

       saliva

       The Labrador Pact: Resist the Springers

       sigh

       smell-heap

       horlicks

       rescuers

       missy

       chop

       hard

       sniff