What will you recover? Besides a sexually healthy life, expect
•a more intimate connection to God
•full contact with reality by breaking through any remaining denial about your addiction
•clarity about God's plan for your life
•clarity about how to handle the struggles inherent in recovery
•clarity about what you can manage and, more important, what you cannot manage on your own
•new skills to help you deal with the challenges of recovery
•integrity gained through confession and making amends to those you have wronged
•compassion for others who struggle with sexual addiction
Shadows of the Cross is a Christian companion to Dr. Patrick Carnes's book Facing the Shadow. Dr. Carnes has developed a thirty-task model for recovery that includes specific tasks to complete. Each task includes activities called "performables." Facing the Shadow highlights the first seven tasks of recovery from sexual addiction (see Appendix A) and helps you understand your addiction and develop a recovery plan. For many of you, this may raise the question of whether recovery from sexual addiction is primarily psychological or spiritual. We believe it is both. God has inspired researchers, therapists, and scholars to develop and refine the skills that support recovery and help people live lives of sexual and spiritual integrity according to God's will.
The spiritual life of people in recovery is an important part of Carnes's task model. Some people who are not religious may focus on the psychological aspects of recovery first. Since you are a Christian, your spiritual life is so foundational to who you are, it is important to incorporate your faith into the early tasks of recovery. Shadows of the Cross will give you a Christian perspective on what it means to be sexually addicted and will help you use your faith, beliefs, and spiritual practices to support you in your recovery.
Going Deep—One Task at a Time
Beyond this, Shadows of the Cross is intended to give you an experience of your relationship with God as the ultimate supporter of your recovery. As such, there are many experiential activities and tasks to complete throughout the book. Some of you may be inclined to move through this book quickly to "hurry up" the recovery process. Encountering God, however, involves slowing down enough to hear the "still small voice" (I Kings 19:12). Similarly, the psalmist tells us that "Deep calls to deep" (Psalm 42:7).
The call to recover from sexual addiction also is a call to deeper, fuller, and more authentic living in communion with God, something that you already know in the depths of your being. So, deep calls to deep. We encourage you to work slowly and carefully through the materials in this book. Some experiences may speak to you more than others, and there may be activities that you want to do more than once. Take your time. God is unfolding a recovery plan for you that will continue for the rest of your life.
Ask for Help
We all need help during the early stages of recovery. This may come in the form of a spiritually sensitive and competent therapist. Support may also come from others in a recovery group, a sponsor, or a non-shaming clergyperson. Regardless of what help you need, finding a compassionate person to support you through this journey will be vital to your continued growth and success.
To get the most out of your recovery experience, read the first three chapters of this book before beginning your work in Facing the Shadow. Chapters 1–7 in Facing the Shadow parallel the work in chapters 4–10 of this book.
You will notice four icons throughout the book. These guide you on how to sequence your work using both books. You'll be prompted to:
Use the Activity Checklist in Appendix E. This is a map of the ways you interact with the material. Return to it once each week and check off the activities in each chapter that you've done. In the process, you will give yourself the gift of regularly celebrating your recovery. You will also create a visible record of your progress.
In short, this is a book to read and do. Take your time—and take the gentle path—by moving through the text one section and one activity at a time. The final chapter of this book in particular will help you explore long-term recovery within a Christian framework.
We recommend simultaneously working through the tasks in Facing the Shadow and the material in this book. In that way, you will address both the spiritual and psychological aspects of your addiction. This combination will best support your recovery.
Walking the Path with Support and Guidance
Each of us authors has been affected by addiction. We have also each experienced the power of recovery and the importance of our spirituality in the recovery process. We believe the relationship between our spiritual lives and recovery is a two-way street. That is, our spiritual lives, including our faith in a loving God and our spiritual practices, greatly enhance the recovery process. At the same time, the process of recovery deepens our spiritual communion with a loving God.
We also believe that you may need support and guidance throughout this process. One of the hallmarks of addiction is an inner voice that whispers, "I can handle this by myself." This voice is not the voice of Truth.
The spiritual component of recovery for Christians is captured aptly in Step Eleven of the Twelve Steps, which states, in part, that we should pray "only for knowledge of [God's] will for us and the power to carry that out." Broadly speaking, we already know God's will for us:
He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.
MICAH 6:8
In the end, our prayer is that Shadows of the Cross will offer you the structure you need to act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with God. How amazing to know that as you walk through this process of recovery, you do not walk alone.
Craig
Pennie
Pat
Chapter One
Understanding Sex Addiction
Blessings to the seekers of healing in the name of God the Most Merciful and the Most Compassionate! As you begin this adventure, we pray that you find a path leading toward freedom, a journey filled with peace and serenity. We know from experience, however, that it will also include pain, tears, and grief. Prepare yourself as if you were taking a trip into an unknown territory. Keep your heart open and your eyes looking up to the heavens. Know, without doubt, that you do not travel this journey alone. God is with you and you will find love, forgiveness, acceptance, and guidance on your recovery journey. Within yourself you will find joy for the spirit and health for the body. Renew connection with your soul and rest from the difficulties.
Why should I seek? I am the same as he.
His essence speaks through me.
I have been looking for myself!
RUMI
May you find the peace for which your soul is searching.
Each chapter in this book offers a series of meditations, reflections, teachings, and spiritual practices designed to help you reflect on your life as a recovering sex addict and Christian. We encourage you