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This is a work of fiction. The authors have invented the characters. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
If you have purchased this book with a ‘dull’ or missing cover—-You have possibly purchased an unauthorized or stolen book. Please immediately contact the publisher advising where, when and how you purchased this book.
Compilation and Introduction copyright © 2004 by
Triple Crown Publications
2959 Stelzer Rd., Suite C
Columbus, Ohio 43219
www.TripleCrownPublications.com
Library of Congress Control Number: 2004102058
ISBN# 0-9747895-2-6
Cover Design/Graphics: www.ApolloPixel.com Author: Keisha Ervin Editor: Kathleen Jackson Production: Kevin J. Calloway Consulting: Vickie M. Stringer
Copyright © 2004 by Triple Crown Publications. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher, except by reviewer who may quote brief passages to be printed in a newspaper or magazine.
First Trade Paperback Edition Printing May 2004
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2
Printed in the United States of America
DEDICATIONS
Dear Kyrese,
My son, Kyrese Demetriese Ervin, I dedicate this book and my life to you. You will never truly know how much “I Love U”. You have taught me the true meaning of what life is. Everyday, you teach me something different and new. I now appreciate life more because of you. You are my little homey and partna' in crime. You are the best thing in life that I have, and will ever receive. Thank you for inspiring me to follow my dreams.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Dear Lord,
Thank you Lord for the blessings that you have bestowed upon me. You've been shaping and molding me for the past twenty-two years of my life for this moment. I always knew that you had something in store for me, I just never knew what that task in life was. I know that my life hasn't been any harder than the next person. But I have felt my fair share of disappointment, pain, and hurt. The reason I went through these things is, because you wanted me to relay my experience to others. In those times of depression, loneliness, and despair, you were always by my side. I wouldn't change anything that has happened in my life for anything in the world. All of those trials and tribulations have led me to this point in my life. I realize now just what type of person I can be. I still have a lot of growing to do, but with you by my side, anything is possible.
Dear Patricia Poe,
Hey momma, I've finally made it. I know at times, I seemed like a lost cause, but remember, I told you that I had a plan. Thank you momma for reading to me every night before I went to bed. You introduced to me to my love of reading. We may argue and fight, but you are the best mom a girl could ask for.
Dear Carl Ervin,
Daddy, you are my road dog. We've both hurt and disappointed each other, but know that I will forever be your “Fat Momma”.
Dear Keon Poe,
Whaz up big bro? I'm so happy that we have become closer these past of couple of years. I Love U!!!
Dear Pauline Ervin,
Granny, you are my only living grandparent and I Love You. I am so happy that you are here to share this with me.
Dear Ervin Family,
It is too many of ya'll to name, so don't be mad. I swear that I have the funniest family around. I love each and every one of ya'll.
Dear Poe Family,
Ya'll are some crazy folks, but I guess that makes me crazy too. Pat is watching over us all, know that.
Dear Tavia Ervin,
You are more than just my cousin; you are one of my closet friends. You've supported my dreams when most didn't. Thanks for your ear when it was needed.
Dear Alocia Robertson,
Girl, we have stayed friends throughout all of the drama. I hope that I continue to have you in my life.
Dear Miesha Ervin,
You hook my hair up once a week, and solve my problems, at the same time. You are the big sister that I have wished for. You have gone beyond the call of duty as a friend.
Dear TCP Family,
Thank you for all of your support and help with my book. You all have made feel so welcome.
Dear Shannon Holmes,
Thank you for your late night call. You schooled me on the book game that night. Thank you.
Dear Joylynn Jossel,
Thank you for answering my emails. You didn't have to, but you helped me with all of my questions and concerns. Much success to you and all of your endeavors.
Dear Vickie Stringer,
No words in the dictionary can tell you how much you helped me. My dreams of a better life for me and son are coming true because of you. Thank you for believing in “ME & My Boyfriend”. I am eternally indebted to you.
R.I.P.
Pat, Granddad, Daddy Cole, Daryl, Uncle Chester, and
Aunt Sheryl, I know that you are in heaven at peace. I love you
all and wish that were here with us. But I know that every time
the sun shines, you're smiling down on us.
To any and all people that I have wronged, pained or hurt,
forgive me. Blame it on my head and not my heart. And to all
the negative thinking haters, disbelievers, and dream slayers
PICTURE ME ROLLING!!!
KEISHA R. ERVIN
You Don't Know My Name
It was hot, hotter than usual, being it was only June in St. Louis. Ninety-five degrees and sunny, said the weatherman. Meesa sat in disbelief as the weatherman reported the daily weather. How could things be more fucked up? It was ninety-five degrees outside, as well as inside her apartment. It was just her luck that her air conditioner went out a week before. So, she sat at her bedroom window, trying to let any cool breeze come through.
Kids were outside getting wet from the fire hydrant. If she wasn't so old, she would be out there too, she thought. Everybody was outside cause it was too hot to do anything else.
Old women were outside gossiping, while fanning themselves with church fans they had gotten that morning from church. Niggas were outside conducting business with the local fiends, all the while, trying to dodge the po po.
St. Louis was always popping in the summertime. And Meesa soaked up every minute of it. Her and her girls were always kickin' it, doing something. If they weren't in the mall, they were at the salon, or at the nail shop, or at one of the hot spots in St. Louis. Meesa loved the smell of St. Louis air on a cool summer's night. It seemed to energize her and give her a sense of purpose. And the dudes in St. Louis were some of the finest men on the planet Earth. They had a mystique about them, something that made them special.
There was always a nigga coming down her block in a big body truck rolling on dubs, flossing, and looking fine. That shit always made Meesa hyped as hell. She knew she had to get out that night. Q 95.5 FM was having a two-year anniversary party at The Spotlight. Meesa went to the phone and dialed her girl, Destiny's