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Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc., New York
LIVING SOBER
Copyright © 1975; 2012 by
Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.
475 Riverside Drive, New York, NY 10115
Mail address:
Box 459, Grand Central Station, New York, NY 10163
All rights reserved. No portion of this publication may be reproduced
in any manner without the written permission of the publisher.
Revised 2012
First Printing, 1975
Forty-sixth Printing, 2013
This is A.A. General Service
Conference-approved literature
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS and A.A.
are registered trademarks® of A.A. World Services, Inc.
Library of Congress Catalog Card No. 75-328-153
ISBN 978-0-916856-04-5
eISBN 978-1-940889-12-2
About that title...
Even the words “stay sober”—let alone live sober—offended many of us when we first heard such advice. Although we had done a lot of drinking, many of us never felt drunk, and were sure we almost never appeared or sounded drunk. Many of us never staggered, fell, or got thick tongues; many others were never disorderly, never missed a day at work, never had automobile accidents, and certainly were never hospitalized nor jailed for drunkenness.
We knew lots of people who drank more than we did, and people who could not handle their drinks at all. We were not like that. So the suggestion that maybe we should “stay sober” was almost insulting.
Besides, it seemed unnecessarily drastic. How could we live that way? Surely, there was nothing wrong with a cocktail or two at a business lunch or before dinner. Wasn’t everyone entitled to relax with a few drinks, or have a couple of beers before going to bed?
However, after we learned some of the facts about the illness called alcoholism, our opinions shifted. Our eyes have been opened to the fact that apparently millions of people have the disease of alcoholism. Medical science does not explain its “cause,” but medical experts on alcoholism assure us that any drinking at all leads to trouble for the alcoholic, or problem, drinker. Our experience overwhelmingly confirms this.
So not drinking at all—that is, staying sober—becomes the basis of recovery from alcoholism. And let it be emphasized: Living sober turns out to be not at all grim, boring, and uncomfortable, as we had feared, but rather something we begin to enjoy and find much more exciting than our drinking days. We’ll show you how.
Why ‘not drinking’?
We members of Alcoholics Anonymous see the answer to that question when we look honestly at our own past lives. Our experience clearly proves that any drinking at all leads to serious trouble for the alcoholic, or problem drinker. In the words of the American Medical Association:
Alcohol, aside from its addictive qualities, also has a psychological effect that modifies thinking and reasoning. One drink can change the thinking of an alcoholic so that he feels he can tolerate another, and then another, and another. . . .
The alcoholic can learn to completely control his disease, but the affliction cannot be cured so that he can return to alcohol without adverse consequences.*
And we repeat: Somewhat to our surprise, staying sober turns out not to be the grim, wet-blanket experience we had expected! While we were drinking, a life without alcohol seemed like no life at all. But for most members of A.A., living sober is really living—a joyous experience. We much prefer it to the troubles we had with drinking.
One more note: anyone can get sober. We have all done it lots of times. The trick is to stay and to live sober. That is what this booklet is about.
* From an official statement issued July 31, 1964
1 Using this booklet
This booklet does not offer a plan for recovery from alcoholism. The Alcoholics Anonymous Steps that summarize its program of recovery are set forth in detail in the books Alcoholics Anonymous and Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. Those Steps are not interpreted here, nor are the processes they cover discussed in this booklet.
Here, we tell only some methods we have used for living without drinking. You are welcome to all of them, whether you are interested in Alcoholics Anonymous or not.
Our drinking was connected with many habits—big and little. Some of them were thinking habits, or things we felt inside ourselves. Others were doing habits—things we did, actions we took.
In getting used to not drinking, we have found that we needed new habits to take the place of those old ones.
(For example, instead of taking that next drink—the one in your hand or the one you’ve been planning on—can you just postpone it until you read to the end of Chapter 3? Sip some soda or fruit juice, instead of an alcoholic beverage, while you read. A little later, we’ll explain more fully what’s behind this change in habits.)
After we spent a few months practicing these new, sober habits or ways of acting and thinking, they became almost second nature to most of us, as drinking used to be. Not drinking has become natural and easy, not a long, dreary struggle.
These practical, hour-by-hour methods can easily be used at home, at work, or in social gatherings. Also included here are several things we have learned not to do, or to avoid. These were things that, we now see, once tempted us to drink or otherwise endangered our recovery.
We think you’ll find many or even all of the suggestions discussed here valuable in living sober, with comfort and ease. There is nothing significant about the order in which the booklet presents them. They can be rearranged in any way you like that works. Nor is this a complete listing. Practically every A.A. member you meet can give you at least one more good idea not mentioned here. And you will probably come up with brand-new ones that work for you. We hope you pass them on to others who can also profit by them.
A.A. as a fellowship does not formally endorse nor recommend for all alcoholics every line of action included here. But each practice mentioned has proved useful to some members, and may be helpful to you.
This booklet is planned as a handy manual for consulting from time to time, not something to be read straight through just once, then forgotten.
Here are two cautions which have proved helpful:
A. Keep an open mind. Perhaps some of the suggestions offered here will not appeal to you. If that is the case, we have found that, instead of rejecting them forever, it’s a better idea to just set them aside for the time being. If we don’t close our minds to them permanently, we can always go back later on and try out ideas we didn’t like before—if we want to.
For instance, some of us found that, in our initial nondrinking days, the suggestions and comradeship offered by an A.A. sponsor helped us greatly to stay sober. Others of us waited until we had visited many groups and met many A.A.’s before we finally called on a sponsor’s help.
Some of us found formal prayer a strong aid in not drinking, while others fled from anything that suggested religion. But all of us are free to change our minds on these ideas later if we choose.
Many of us found that the sooner we started work on the Twelve Steps offered as a