Tom Stoppard

The Real Thing


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       Praise for The Real Thing

      “In The Real Thing … [Stoppard] turns his attention to private passion—and he does so without mortgaging an intellect that has few equals in the contemporary theater.”

      —New York Times

      “Tom Stoppard is justly renowned for his erudition and wit, but in his 1980s drama The Real Thing he also found a (philandering) heartbeat.”

       —Entertainment Weekly

      “Fidelity, love, fiction, passion, authenticity—these are just a few of the juicy issues running around Tom Stoppard’s masterful 1982 marital drama … The Real Thing is exceedingly well made, a keen and touching study of fidelity, fiction and marital love … Stoppard’s brainy love story melts our hearts.”

      —Time Out New York

      “A play that is at once tightly structured and expansive.”

       —San Francisco Chronicle

      “This play[’s] … intellectual pyrotechnics are matched by its heart.”

       —Hollywood Reporter

      “[An] entertaining and engaging award-winning play.”

      —BroadwayWorld.com

      “[The Real Thing] is about both love and art, and it is wise, witty, and astonishing through and through … Enthralling.”

      —Financial Times (UK)

      “When it comes to putting erotic love in its place, no contemporary English playwright has done so with such illuminating rigour or eloquence as Tom Stoppard.”

      —Evening Standard (UK)

      “A heart-wrenching play … [and] poignant postmodern comedy.”

      —Guardian (UK)

      THE REAL THING

      Also by Tom Stoppard

      PLAYS

      The Hard Problem

      Enter a Free Man

      The Real Inspector Hound

      After Magritte

      Jumpers

      Travesties

      Dirty Linen and New-Found-Land

      Every Good Boy Deserves Favour

      Night and Day

      Dogg’s Hamlet, Cahoot’s Macbeth

      Undiscovered Country

      (adapted from Arthur Schnitzler’s Das weite Land) On the Razzle (adapted from Johann Nestroy’s Einen Jux will er sich machen) Arcadia Rough Crossing (adapted from Ferenc Molnár’s Play at the Castle) Dalliance (adapted from Arthur Schnitzler’s Liebelei) Hapgood Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead Indian Ink (an adaptation of In the Native State) The Invention of Love Voyage: The Coast of Utopia Part I Shipwreck: The Coast of Utopia Part II Salvage: The Coast of Utopia Part III Rock ‘n’ Roll The Coast of Utopia: A Trilogy

      TELEVISION SCRIPTS

      A Separate Peace

      Teeth

      Another Moon Called Earth

      Neutral Ground

      Professional Foul

      Squaring the Circle

      Parade’s End

      FICTION

      Lord Malquist & Mr. Moon

      TOM STOPPARD

      THE REAL THING

      Grove Press

      New York

      Copyright © 1982, 1983, 1984 by Tom Stoppard

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review. Scanning, uploading, and electronic distribution of this book or the facilitation of such without the permission of the publisher is prohibited. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions, and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials. Your support of the author’s rights is appreciated. Any member of educational institutions wishing to photocopy part or all of the work for classroom use, or anthology, should send inquiries to Grove Atlantic, 154 West 14th Street, New York, NY 10011 or [email protected].

      CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that The Real Thing is subject to a royalty. It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States, Canada, United Kingdom, and all British Commonwealth countries, and all countries covered by the International Copyright Union, the Pan-American Copyright Convention, and the Universal Copyright Convention. All rights, including professional, amateur, motion picture, recitation, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video or sound taping, all other forms of mechanical or electronic reproduction, such as information storage and retrieval systems and photocopying, and rights of translation into foreign languages, are strictly reserved.

      First-class professional, stock, and amateur applications for permission to perform it, and those other rights stated above, must be made in advance to Samuel French, Inc., 235 Park Avenue South, New York, NY 10003, and for professional rights, to United Agents LLP, 12–26 Lexington Street, London, W1F 0LE.

       Printed in the United States of America

      Originally published in 1982 by Faber and Faber Ltd., Great Britain First published in 1984 in the United States by Faber and Faber, Inc.

      First Grove Press paperback edition: October 2017

      Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data available for this title.

      ISBN 978-0-8021-2744-0

      eISBN 978-0-8021-8887-8

      Grove Press

      an imprint of Grove Atlantic

      154 West 14th Street

      New York, NY 10011

      Distributed by Publishers Group West

       groveatlantic.com

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       For Miriam

      Contents

       PRODUCTION CREDITS

       CHARACTERS

       ACT ONE

       ACT TWO

      PRODUCTION CREDITS

      The Real Thing was originally produced in London on 16 November 1982 at the Strand Theatre, directed by Peter Wood.

      The cast was as follows:

Max Charlotte Henry Annie Billy Debbie Brodie Jeremy Clyde