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Theft: A Play In Four Acts


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when he was courting you, mother.

      Mrs. Starkweather

      (A trifle grimly.) I'm not so sure about that.

      Connie

      (Imitating a grave, business-like enunciation.) Father probably conferred first with his associates, then turned the affair over for consideration by his corporation lawyers, and, when they reported no flaws, checked the first spare half hour in his notebook to ask mother if she would have him.

      (They laugh.) And looked at his watch at least twice while he was proposing.

      Mrs. Starkweather

      Anthony was not so busy then as all that.

      Hubbard

      He hadn't yet taken up the job of running the United States.

      Mrs. Starkweather

      I'm sure I don't know what he is running, but he is a very busy man – business, politics, and madness; madness, politics, and business.

      (She stops breathlessly and glances at tea-table.) Tea. I should like a cup of tea. Connie, I shall stay for a cup of tea, and then, if your father hasn't come, we'll go home. (To Chalmers.) Where is Tommy?

      Chalmers

      Out in the car with Madge.

      (Glances at tea-table and consults watch.) She should be back now.

      Connie

      Mother, you mustn't stay long. I have to dress.

      Chalmers

      Oh, yes, that dinner.

      (Yawns.) I wish I could loaf to-night.

      Connie

      (Explaining to Hubbard.) The Turkish Charge d'Affaires – I never can remember his name. But he's great fun – a positive joy. He's giving the dinner to the British Ambassador.

      Mrs. Starkweather

      (Starting forward in her chair and listening intently.) There's Tommy, now.

      (Voices of Margaret Chalmers and of Tommy heard from without. Hers is laughingly protesting, while Tommy's is gleefully insistent.) (Margaret and Tommy appear and pause just outside door, holding each other's hands, facing each other, too immersed in each other to be aware of the presence of those inside the room. Margaret and Tommy are in street costume.)

      Tommy

      (Laughing.)

      But mama.

      Margaret

      (Herself laughing, but shaking her head.) No. Tommy First —

      Margaret

      No; you must run along to Linda, now, mother's boy. And we'll talk about that some other time.

      (Tommy notices for the first time that there are persons in the room. He peeps in around the door and espies Mrs. Starkweather. At the same moment, impulsively, he withdraws his hands and runs in to Mrs. Starkweather.)

      Tommy

      (Who is evidently fond of his grandmother.) Grandma!

      (They embrace and make much of each other.)

      (Margaret enters, appropriately greeting the others – a kiss (maybe) to Connie, and a slightly cold handshake to Hubbard.)

      Margaret

      (To Chalmers.) Now that you're here, Tom, you mustn't run away.

      (Greets Mrs. Starkweather.)

      Mrs. Starkweather

      (Turning Tommy's face to the light and looking at it anxiously.) A trifle thin, Margaret.

      Margaret

      On the contrary, mother —

      Mrs. Starkweather

      (To Chalmers.) Don't you think so, Tom?

      Connie

      (Aside to Hubbard.) Mother continually worries about his health.

      Hubbard

      A sturdy youngster, I should say.

      Tommy

      (To Chalmers.) I'm an Indian, aren't I, daddy?

      Chalmers

      (Nodding his head emphatically.) And the stoutest-hearted in the tribe.

      (Linda appears in doorway, evidently looking for Tommy, and Chalmers notices her.) There's Linda looking for you, young stout heart.

      Margaret

      Take Tommy, Linda. Run along, mother's boy.

      Tommy

      Come along, grandma. I want to show you something.

      (He catches Mrs. Starkweather by the hand. Protesting, but highly pleased, she allows him to lead her to the door, where he extends his other hand to Linda. Thus, pausing in doorway, leading a woman by either hand, he looks back at Margaret.) (Roguishly.) Remember, mama, we're going to scout in a little while.

      Margaret

      (Going to Tommy, and bending down with her arms around him.) No, Tommy. Mama has to go to that horrid dinner to-night. But to-morrow we'll play.

      (Tommy is cast down and looks as if he might pout.) Where is my little Indian now?

      Hubbard

      Be an Indian, Tommy.

      Tommy

      (Brightening up.)

      All right, mama. To-morrow. – if you can't find time to-day.

      (Margaret kisses him.) (Exit Tommy, Mrs. Starkweather, and Linda, Tommy leading them by a hand in each of theirs.)

      Chalmers

      (Nodding to Hubbard, in low voice to Hubbard and starting to make exit to right.) That high-ball.

      (Hubbard disengages himself from proximity of Connie, and starts to follow.)

      Connie

      (Reproachfully.) If you run away, I won't stop for tea.

      Margaret

      Do stop, Tom. Father will be here in a few minutes.

      Connie

      A regular family party.

      Chalmers

      All right. We'll be back. We're just going to have a little talk.

      (Chalmers and Hubbard make exit to right.) (Margaret puts her arm impulsively around Connie – a sheerly spontaneous act of affection – kisses her, and at same time evinces preparation to leave.)

      Margaret

      I've got to get my things off. Won't you wait here, dear, in case anybody comes? It's nearly time.

      (Starts toward exit to rear, but is stopped by Connie.) Madge.

      (Margaret immediately pauses and waits expectantly, smiling, while Connie is hesitant.)

      I want to speak to you about something, Madge. You don't mind?

      (Margaret, still smiling, shakes her head.) Just a warning. Not that anybody could believe for a moment, there is anything wrong, but —

      Margaret

      (Dispelling a shadow of irritation that has crossed