as it was appropriate. Doc tried his best, but all his words were played.
– I want to tell my story, – Natalie raised her hand and stared at the doctors. She was drunk, but neat.
– Yes, of course, please, – the doctor was delighted.
– I am Natalie, six months ago began to drink, drink and by this day, and all because of a feeling of guilt. This wine doesn’t give me rest, it just kills me.
Natalie winced, she pulled out of handbag bottle of whiskey, took a couple of sips and returned it to a place.
– My psychologist made me to go to you, and here I am. Now life for me, like a dream, it’s all a bloody nightmare.
There was a silence, Natalie thought for a minute.
– Thank you, Natalie, do you want to add anything else? The doctor asked graciously.
– No, I did not! – Natalie leaned back the back of the chair and closed her eyes, as if playing poker.
– Maybe then you, Yegor, you do you came the first time too? – the doctor turned to the guy sitting next to Natalie.
– I’m Yegor, drank from sixteen years, and I never wanted to stop drinking. You know, religious cults of all nations assume worship of a higher being, usually called God. A if you become its opposite, it can only mean one thing – you have learned the truth of another being. And yes, the alcohol helped. How shamans immerse themselves in trance under the influence of dope and see the truth, so did I. I was an intelligent child and everything was easy for me, so I got bored with life, there was pain from awareness and understanding what is what. People are very cruel, even for relation to imagine what there is to talk about the rest… I flew in its delirium… Flying like a bird in heaven, soar and shit on all of you! That’s how I am living.
Yegor looked at the audience and smiled sadly:
– Of course, all this is a fraud, but it’s my deceit, it heats me and gives me the meaning of life. To revel in your nonentity, like a deity, – this is a mistake… But I did it. Of course, this is not the whole truth, probably I just ran away from reality, but she is very harsh, even to good people and neither in than innocent children.
The public looked at Yegor with incomprehensible eyes.
– Well, here’s a story for you, – Taking a deep breath, he began his narrative. – Once upon a time I had the opportunity to see such a picture. We drank at apartment of some local alcoholic. there was a middle-aged man, he pierced himself with iron swords, as if for him it was a game. With all this oozing blood, he did not stop and continued the performance.
Sword after sword, he thrust into his body, on his face was visible pain, but this pain is not from swords, he had some mysterious pain, which he wanted to muffle his cuts. It was written in his eyes. The people were drunk and admired his performance. And me, too. And yet it was scary. People put money in his hat, which lay by his side. This man earned his living this way. Probably, he worked in the circus.
Doc cleared his throat, but only Yegor noticed, the others heard only Yegor’s voice.
– After the performance, he poured whiskey on his wounds. He lit a cigarette and stared at me with his frightening eyes. As I now remember this moment and his words. “Come, youngster,” – this guy turned to me. I approached, and from fear trembling feet. “You are weak, your fear does not give you rest. I conquered my fear, and can you defeat yours? “He handed me his bloody sword:" Can you defeat him? " – and put a weapon in my palm. I took this sword and put it to my throat. The tip of cold steel froze beside my Adam’s apple. It was some kind of madness, I was ready to stick it in my throat! “Stop the guy!” – The voice that called me belonged to a man I did not know. “Your fear in your head, “continued the voice, “that’s what’s stopping you, and this nonsense will not help you, like this fool.” In these words, the owner of the voice tore the sword from my hands. He was about my age – at that time I was 25 years old, and I was already drunk.
Yegor stopped for a second, assessing the effect produced on the listeners. Everyone listened to him in the same spellbound way.
– So that’s it! I stood numb and not I understood what is happening. The intervening guy no longer paid any attention to me, he looked at the man, directly into his eyes. he had a penetrating sight. And then the man burst into tears, like a child! Not looking away from the guy, he was crying! By God, he cried like a child. “You’re right, “said the peasant, got up and left, wiping away his tears. From all that was happening and the alcohol drunk, I fell out and fell on the sofa that stood next to me. I woke up only in the morning, I don’tknow where they went, but the apartment was no longer there. And no one knew where the two had gone. A year later, I happened to meet this guy, well, one with a penetrating gaze – Yegor began to tell more animatedly – and he just beat me, for no reason. I was attacked like a beast and beat me until I started to suffocate. Then he called me to the bar, as if nothing had happened, as if I were his old friend. And I went with him. I always was not against drinking for free. We sit in a bar, he ordered a bottle of expensive whiskey. “My name is Arthur, we’ve already met.” “They call me Yegor, yes, I remember you.” A I’m straining myself even more, thinking what he wants from me. “You know that you are not him? Not that man with swords, who shocked you. You’re just a drunk, you don’tneed to do anything supernatural, just help people, that’s all. " “Yes, how, I need this!” – I laughed and continued to suppress whiskey. “You’ve said everything right, I’m a drunk” – I lifted a glass of whiskey, as if he had said a good toast. “I did not beat you for fun. Have everything has its own purpose, “Art says in a calm voice. “Well, thank you!” – I said ironically, my sides were still aching. “Soon you will know everything yourself…” My eyes began to blur out before my eyes, and I lost consciousness. I woke up already on the track. That evening fell out of memory. I was thrown to the house by a peasant on a red truck. And here already half a year as I don’tdrink. AND not pulls to drink, I now have my own profitable business. I understand that Arthur owes everything, but I can’t explain why. And the other day they slipped me a note: “Come to a gathering of anonymous alcoholics and tell your story.” Signature – Art… Well, everything, Art, you can leave, and we all will pat, – clowning, called Yegor. “You were right, I don’tknow how, but you changed my life.”
Yegor looked around for the door, from which Arthur would come out.
Natalie has long been sitting in confusion. Gathering her strength, she looked straight into Yegor’s eyes.
– He will not come out, he’s dead.
SLEEP 4
“So the worlds of his imagination, the hundreds of thousands of names, places, religions, things and aspects of being clashed. How can you name all this? Where is the face of the existence of the worlds? Are these different worlds? Or is it hundreds of thousands of worlds woven into one? Knowing all this, it’s hard to be in a sober mind and to perceive everything as an ordinary phenomenon. Not everyone will be able not to succumb to hysteria, to save themselves.”
HAVE BEEN LEADED TO ALL?
He lay charred and looked straight into her soul his with charred eyes… On her cheek a tear rolled down, she fell to her knees and cried out:
– Forgive me, dear! I will love you forever!
Gathered, Natalie continued:
– Burned people don’t have eyes, but you look at me with your darkness, emptiness. You are a monster.
A minute later she got up, brushed a tear, lit a cigarette and walked along the highway…
What could have made her do this? Life, pain, love. Or an unborn child who is already in her