Flashman Papers 3-Book Collection 2: Flashman and the Mountain of Light, Flash For Freedom!, Flashman and the Redskins
beastliness in the world, suttee is inspired by religion, which means there’s no sense or reason to it – I’ve yet to meet an Indian who could tell me why it’s done, even, except that it’s a hallowed ritual, like posting a sentry to mind the Duke of Wellington’s horse fifty years after the old fellow had kicked the bucket. That, at least, was honest incompetence; if you want my opinion of widow-burning, the main reason for it is that it provides the sort of show the mob revels in, especially if the victims are young and personable, as they were in Jawaheer’s case. I wouldn’t have missed it myself, for it’s a fascinating horror – and I noticed, in my years in India, that the breast-beating Christians who denounced it were always first at the ringside.
No, my objection to it is on practical, not moral grounds; it’s a shameful waste of good womanhood, and all the worse because the stupid bitches are all for it. They’ve been brought up to believe it’s meet and right to be broiled along with the head of the house, you see – why, Alick Gardner told me of one funeral in Lahore where some poor little lass of nine was excused burning as being too young, and the silly chit threw herself off a high building. They burned her corpse anyway. That’s what comes of religion and keeping women in ignorance. The most educated (and devout) Indian female I ever knew, Rani Lakshmibai, thought suttee beneath contempt; when I asked her why, as a widow, she hadn’t hopped on the old man’s pyre herself, she looked at me in disbelief and asked: “Do you think I’m a fool?”
She wasn’t, but her Punjabi sisters knew no better.
Jawaheer’s body was brought, in several pieces, to the city on the day after his death, and the procession to the ground of cremation took place under a red evening sky, before an enormous throng, with little Dalip and Jeendan and most of the nobility prostrating themselves before the suttees – two wives, stately handsome girls, and three Kashmiri slaves, the prettiest wenches ever you saw, all in their best finery with jewelled studs in their ears and noses and gold embroidery on their silk trousers. I ain’t a soft man, but it would have broken your heart to see those five little beauties, who were made for fun and love and laughter, walking to the pyre like guardsmen, heads up and not a blink of fear, serenely scattering money to the crowd, according to custom – and you wouldn’t credit it, those unutterable bastards of Sikh soldiers who were meant to be guarding ’em, absolutely tore the money from their hands, and yelled taunts and insults at them when they tried to protest. Even when they got to the pyre, those swine were tearing their jewels and ornaments from them, and when the fire was lit one villain reached through the smoke and tore the gold fringe from one of the slaves’ trousers – and these, according to their religion, were meant to be sacred women.
There were groans from the crowd, but no one dared do anything against the all-powerful military – and then an astounding thing happened. One of the wives stood up among the flames, and began to curse them. I can see her still, a tall lovely girl all in white and gold, blood on her face where her nose-stud had been ripped away, one hand gripping her head-veil beneath her chin, the other raised as she damned ’em root and branch, foretelling that the race of Sikhs would be overthrown within the year, their women widowed, and their land conquered and laid waste – and suttees, you know, are supposed to have the gift of prophecy. One of the spoilers jumped on the pyre and swung his musket butt at her, and she fell back into the fire where the four others were sitting calmly as the flames rose and crackled about them. None of them made a sound.25
I saw all this from the wall, the black smoke billowing up to mingle with the low clouds under the crimson dusk, and came away in such a boiling rage as I never felt on behalf of anyone except myself. Aye, thinks I, let there be a war (but keep me out of it) so that we can stamp these foul woman-butchers flat, and put an end to their abominations. I guess I’m like Alick Gardner: I can’t abide wanton cruelty to good-looking women. Not by other folk, anyway.
That brave lass’s malediction filled the crowd with superstitious awe, but it had an even more important effect – it put the fear of God into the Khalsa, and that shaped their fate at a critical time. For after Jawaheer’s death they were in a great state of uncertainty and division, with the hotheads clamouring for an immediate war against us, and the more loyal element, who’d been dismayed by Jeendan’s harangue at Maian Mir, insisting that nothing could be done until they’d made their peace with her, the regent of their lawful king. The trouble was, making peace meant surrendering those who’d plotted the murder of Jawaheer, and they were a powerful clique. So the debate raged among them, and meanwhile Jeendan played her hand to admiration, refusing even to acknowledge the Khalsa’s existence, going daily to weep at Jawaheer’s tomb, heavily veiled and bowed with grief, and winning the admiration of all for her piety; the rumour ran that she’d even sworn off drink and fornication – a portent that reduced the Khalsa to a state of stricken wonder by all accounts.
In the end they gave in, and in response to their appeals for audience she summoned them not to durbar but to the yard under the Summum Boorj, receiving them in cold silence while she sat veiled and swathed in her mourning weeds, and Dinanath announced her terms. These sounded impressively severe – total submission to her will, and instant delivery of the murderers – but were in fact part of an elaborate farce stage-managed by Mangla. She and Lal Singh and a few other courtiers had been taken prisoner by the Khalsa at the time of the murder, but released soon after, since when they’d been politicking furiously with Dinanath and the panches, arranging a compromise.
It amounted to this: the Khalsa grovelled to Jeendan, gave up a few token prisoners, and promised to deliver Pirthee Singh and the other leading plotters (who had already decamped to the hills, by previous arrangement) as soon as they were caught. In the meantime, would she please forgive her loyal Khalsa, since they were showing willing, and consider making war on the damned British in the near future? For their part, they swore undying loyalty to her as Queen Regent and Mother of All Sikhs. To this she replied through Dinanath that while it was hardly good enough, she was graciously pleased to accept their submission, and hand back the token prisoners as a liberal gesture. (Sensation and loyal cheers.) They must now give her a little time to complete her mourning and recover from the grievous shock of her brother’s death; thereafter she would receive them in full durbar to discuss such questions as making war and appointing a new Wazir.
It was the kind of face-saving settlement that’s arranged daily at Westminster and in parish councils, and no one’s fooled except the public – and not all of them, either.
You may ask, where was Flashy during all these stirring events? To which the answer is that, having mastered an impulse to steal a horse and ride like hell for the Sutlej, I was well in the background, doing what I’d ostensibly come to Lahore for – namely, negotiate about the Soochet legacy. This entailed sitting in a pleasant, airy chamber for several hours a day, listening to interminable submissions from venerable government officials who cited precedents from Punjabi and British law, the Bible, the Koran, The Times, and the Bombay Gazette. They were the most tireless old bores you ever struck, red herring worshippers to a man, asking nothing from me beyond an occasional nod and an instruction to my babu to make a note of that point. That kept ’em happy, and was good for another hour’s prose – none of which advanced the cause one iota, but since the Punjabi taxpayers were stumping up their salaries, and I was content to sit under the punkah sipping brandy and soda, all was for the best in the best of all possible civil services. We could have been there yet – my God, they probably are.
I was busy enough in my spare time, though, chiefly writing cypher reports for Broadfoot and committing them to Second Thessalonians, from which they vanished with mysterious speed. I still couldn’t figure who the postman (or postmistress) was, but it was a most efficient service to Simla and back; within a week of my writing off about Jassa a note turned up in my Bible saying, among other things: “Number 2 A2”, which meant that, notwithstanding his colourful past, my orderly was trustworthy to the second degree, which meant only a step below Broadfoot and his Assistants, including myself. I didn’t tell Jassa this, but contrived a quick word with Gardner to give him the glad tidings. He grunted: “Broadfoot must be sicker than I thought,” and passed on, the surly brute.
For the rest, Broadfoot’s communication amounted to little more than “Carry on, Flash”. The official news from British India,