out before me, a myriad lights sparkling in eclectic symmetry. A manmade universe where the stars could be commanded by the flick of a switch.
‘Well, you won’t mind if I indulge, will you?’ she said, nodding to a waiter who immediately picked up a bottle and began to pour. ‘Alex? Can I tempt you?’
‘Like you wouldn’t believe.’ He grinned.
I grimaced.
It had seemed such a good idea to bring Alex along on my life-changing journey. We were a partnership and it had been a long time since I had taken on any kind of new project on my own. When Alex had arrived at Bannister’s, I had wanted to resent him for getting the job I thought I deserved but he had been genuinely surprised when he realized how experienced I was and wanted to involve me as much as he could. I liked the idea that he recognized my abilities even if Mr Bannister had not and, when our unofficial union extended beyond the confines of the office, it became the perfect arrangement. I could continue with the day job as office manager and also be involved in marketing without the pressure or the responsibility. When things went well, and they usually did, I could revel in my boyfriend’s successes as if they were my own.
That had been my starting position as I headed for New York but the flight over had given me some thinking time and the reception from Alsop and Clover had given me a much needed confidence boost. Unlike me, they remembered my successes not my failures and it was clear from the moment the limo picked us up from the airport that they believed in me far more than I believed in myself. As I started to see myself through their eyes, I could look back at my time at Bannister’s with a new perspective. I could stake my claim on Alex’s successes; the best ideas had been mine, he had in many ways simply been the frontman. He had no marketing experience, not even a natural ability for the job. His only qualifications had been his family connections and his winning charm. But as I watched him try to work his magic on Kate, I could see through him as never before and so could Kate. Had it really been my idea to bring him along or had I simply been in his enthral, eager to please?
‘So, Alex, you must be really proud of Emma,’ Kate was saying as she watched him raise his champagne flute towards the waiter, awaiting a refill.
‘I certainly am. It may have only been a small setup at Bannister’s but Emma was a key part of our successes. I know she achieved so much when she worked for you and I just want you to know that she has continued to develop under my wing too,’ he said and then had the temerity to drop his head a little in false modesty.
‘I think I will have that drink,’ I said, catching the waiter’s eye.
‘It must have been a big decision for you to follow Emma over here. I understand you’ve given up your job too.’ Kate was relentless in her efforts to get something out of Alex.
Alex raised his glass to eye-level, taking a moment before answering. He appeared mesmerized as the bubbles rose to the surface and burst into oblivion. ‘We’re a partnership. Wherever she goes I go,’ he said, taking another pause before delivering the killer blow. ‘And vice versa.’
Kate looked at me, there was a glint in her eye. Only those who had seen her at work in the boardroom would know to take cover. ‘How much do you love her?’ she asked.
The question took Alex by surprise, as it did me, not least because I didn’t know how he would answer. We had been together for less than a year and whenever we had discussed any long-term plans it had been separately, not as a couple who intended to spend the rest of their lives together. I’d had my own ideas of moving to London and we had both presumed that it would mark the end of our relationship, a move that would be sad but not heartbreakingly so for either of us. I didn’t think for a moment that his determination to join me on my adventure to the bright lights of New York had anything to do with love.
Alex was let off the hook as Kate continued without pause and without taking her eyes off me. ‘You see, I have great ambitions for Emma. I was sorry to lose her when I did and although her replacement was good, she wasn’t good enough. We are both being given a second chance and she would be a fool to refuse this opportunity. But she knows me well. I expect complete focus and absolute commitment to the job. Emma will be required to travel the world, flitting from one assignment to the next and she can only do that if there is no-one standing in her way. She knows that it takes sacrifice to succeed; she knows it because she is following in my footsteps.’ Kate finally broke eye contact and looked back at Alex. ‘So, if you came here expecting a similar job offer then you are going to be sorely disappointed. And if you think Emma is about to turn her back on her dream job for the second time and for a man who still hasn’t had the strength of feeling to interrupt me and tell me how much he loves her, then you’re the fool, not she.’
I had to stop myself from standing up and applauding her. When I looked at Alex, his jaw had dropped and his champagne flute was tipping sideways, threatening to spill. I suspected it was the look on my face that knocked him back to his senses. ‘Emma?’ he asked.
‘I’m no fool,’ I confirmed.
Emma’s hands trembled over the keyboard but it wasn’t only because of the emotion pumping through her body. She was also very, very cold. She was sitting out on the balcony and, even though she was wrapped up in layers of clothing and blankets, her fingers had to remain uncovered so that she could type and they were starting to go numb. She tried to ignore the cold as she read back what she had just written. It was as if she was reading her words for the first time and she was shocked to see her innermost thoughts revealed. They were laced with regrets, resentments and a long-forgotten recognition of her own abilities. There was something in the written word that Emma knew she should take to heart and not leave to fade on the printed page.
Shivering uncontrollably, Emma rubbed her hands together then tried to warm them on the sides of her mug, but the coffee was as cold as she was. December had whipped away not only the warmth but the colour from the world with its harsh winds. The steel balcony was painted black and frozen raindrops gave the handrails a pebble-dashed effect. Below her, the river looked murky, the buildings in the distance fading to shades of grey, the furthest blending seamlessly with the lifeless sky, which had already erased the hills and mountains that Emma was so often drawn to.
Reluctantly, Emma picked up her laptop and, dragging her blankets behind her, slipped back into the apartment, which was deathly silent. It was Saturday but her mum was still working hard to catch up on the time she had lost while she was at the hospital with Emma. Emma didn’t object; in fact, she was happy to be left to her own devices.
Her writing was going well and it was helping to put her in the right frame of mind for her date with Alex. Their relationship had been put to the test in recent weeks and the results were far from promising. She had discovered a newfound confidence in herself and she hoped it wouldn’t be eroded by the time evening came.
Emma retreated to her bedroom, where the yellow walls were only marginally better than the grey world outside. The only splash of colour in the room came from a series of framed photos, an eclectic mix of family snaps frozen in time. One was a four-year-old Emma holding a precious new sister in her arms, another was of the two girls with their arms wrapped around each other with matching cheesy grins. Although none held images of her father, there were one or two where Emma imagined him there, on the other side of the lens. She thought of him as little as she could but as her relationship with Alex stumbled on, she couldn’t help but wonder if he was the root cause to her distinctly low expectations in men. Her parents’ marriage had survived through her childhood but her father’s presence even then had been debateable. Home had been a place he went to when there was nowhere better to be. He had walked out of the family home once Louise had reached sixteen and then completely out of their lives two years later without a backward glance, not even when his firstborn was fighting for her life.
Emma took a deep breath as she tried to dispel the ghosts of the past. She had a feeling her heart would remain frozen, which