Half of a Yellow Sun, Americanah, Purple Hibiscus: Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie Three-Book Collection
dislike for someone she loved. ‘Nobody dropped you into anything,’ she said.
He made to hold her but she shrugged him off and asked him to leave. Later, in the bathroom, she stood in front of the mirror and savagely squeezed her belly with both hands. The pain reminded her of how useless she was; reminded her that a child nestled now in a stranger’s body instead of in hers.
Edna knocked for so long that Olanna had to get up and unlock the door.
‘What’s wrong?’ Edna asked.
‘My grandfather used to say that other people just farted but his own fart always released shit,’ Olanna said. She had wanted to sound funny, but her voice was too hoarse, too tear-lined.
‘What’s wrong?’
‘The girl he slept with is pregnant.’
‘What the hell is wrong with you?’
Olanna squinted; what was wrong with her?
‘Get ahold of yourself!’ Edna said. ‘You think he’s spending his day crying like you are? When that bastard left me in Montgomery, I tried to kill myself and you know what he was doing? He had gone off and was playing in a band in Louisiana!’ Edna patted her hair irritably. ‘Look at you. You’re the kindest person I know. Look how beautiful you are. Why do you need so much outside of yourself? Why isn’t what you are enough? You’re so damned weak!’
Olanna moved back; the tumultuous crowding of pain and thoughts and anger that shot through her made the words flow out of her mouth with quiet precision. ‘It is not my fault that your man deserted you, Edna.’
Edna first looked surprised, then disgusted, before she turned and walked out of the flat. Olanna watched her go, sorry to have said what she said. But she would not apologize yet. She would give Edna a day or two. She felt suddenly hungry, bitingly hungry; her insides had been emptied out by her tears. She did not let her leftover jollof rice warm properly but ate it all from the pot, drank two cold bottles of beer, and still did not feel sated. She ate the biscuits in the cupboard and some oranges from the fridge, and then decided to go to Eastern Shop for some wine. She would drink. She would drink as much wine as she could.
The two women standing at the shop entrance, the Indian in the Faculty of Science and the Calabar woman who taught anthropology, smiled and said good afternoon, and she wondered if their covert glances shielded their pity, if they thought she was falling apart and weak.
She was examining wine bottles when Richard came up to her.
‘I thought it was you,’ he said.
‘Hello, Richard.’ She glanced at his basket. ‘I didn’t know you did your own shopping.’
‘Harrison has gone to his hometown for a few days,’ he said. ‘How are you? Are you all right?’
She disliked the pity in his eyes. ‘I’m very well. I can’t decide which of these two to buy.’ She gestured to the wine bottles. ‘Why don’t I buy both and if you’ll share them with me, we can decide which is better. Can you spare an hour? Or do you have to run back to your writing?’
Richard looked taken aback by her cheer. ‘I would hate to impose, really.’
‘Of course you wouldn’t be imposing. Besides, you’ve never visited me’ – she paused – ‘in my flat.’
She would be her normal, gracious self and they would drink wine and talk about his book and her new zinnias and Igbo-Ukwu art and the Western Region elections fiasco. And he would go back and tell Odenigbo that she was fine. She was fine.
When they got to her flat, Richard sat upright on the sofa, and she wished he would sit in that relaxed, semi-sprawling way he did in Odenigbo’s house; even the way he held his wine glass was stiff. She sat on the carpeted floor. They toasted Kenya’s independence.
‘You really must write about the horrible things the British did in Kenya,’ Olanna said. ‘Didn’t they cut off testicles?’
Richard murmured something and looked away, as if the word testicles had made him shy. Olanna smiled and watched him. ‘Didn’t they?’
‘Yes.’
‘You should write about it then.’ She drank her second glass slowly, raising her head to enjoy the cold liquid flowing down her throat. ‘Do you have a title for the book?’
‘“The Basket of Hands.”’
‘“The Basket of Hands.”’ Olanna tilted her glass and finished her drink. ‘It sounds macabre.’
‘It’s about labour. The good things that were achieved – the railways, for example – but also how labour was exploited and the lengths the colonial enterprise went to.’
‘Oh.’ Olanna got up and uncorked the second bottle. She bent down to fill her glass first. She felt light, as if it were much easier to carry her own weight, but she was clear-headed; she knew what she wanted to do and what she was doing. Richard’s almost-damp smell filled her nose when she stood before him with the bottle.
‘My glass isn’t quite empty,’ he said.
‘No, it’s not.’ She placed the wine bottle on the floor and sat next to him and touched the hair that lay on his skin and thought how fair and soft it was, not assertively brittle like Odenigbo’s, nothing like Odenigbo at all. He looked at her and she wondered if his eyes had really turned grey or if she was imagining it. She touched his face, left her hand resting on his cheek.
‘Come, sit on the floor with me,’ she said finally.
They sat side by side, their backs resting on the sofa seat. Richard said, in a mumble, ‘I should leave,’ or something that sounded like it. But she knew he would not leave and that when she stretched out on the bristly carpet he would lie next to her. She kissed his lips. He pulled her forcefully close, and then, just as quickly, he let go and moved his face away. She could hear his rapid breathing. She unbuckled his trousers and moved back to pull them down and laughed because they got stuck at his shoes. She took her dress off. He was on top of her and the carpet pricked her naked back and she felt his mouth limply enclose her nipple. It was nothing like Odenigbo’s bites and sucks, nothing like those shocks of pleasure. Richard did not run his tongue over her in that flicking way that made her forget everything; rather, when he kissed her belly, she was aware that he was kissing her belly.
Everything changed when he was inside her. She raised her hips, moving with him, matching his thrusts, and it was as if she was throwing shackles off her wrists, extracting pins from her skin, freeing herself with the loud, loud cries that burst out of her mouth. Afterwards, she felt filled with a sense of well-being, with something close to grace.
Richard was almost relieved to learn of Sir Winston Churchill’s death. It gave him an opportunity to avoid going to Port Harcourt for the weekend. He could not face Kainene yet.
‘You’ll have to lay your awful Churchill joke to rest now, won’t you?’ Kainene said on the phone, when he told her that he would be going to Lagos for the memorial at the British High Commission. He laughed and then thought of what it would be like if she found out and left him and he never heard that sardonic voice over the phone.
It was only days ago, but even the memory of Olanna’s flat was hazy: he had fallen asleep afterwards, on her living-room floor, and woken up with a dry headache and a keenly uncomfortable sense of his own nudity. She was sitting on the sofa, dressed and silent. He felt awkward, not sure whether they were supposed to talk about what had happened. Finally, he turned to leave without saying a word because he did not want what he imagined to be regret on her face to turn into dislike. He had not been chosen; it could have been any man. He had sensed this even while holding her naked, but it had not marred the pleasure he found in her curvy body, her