David Walliams

The Midnight Gang


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31: The World’s Oldest Child

       Chapter 32: Balloon Burglars

       Chapter 33: Flying Old Lady

       Chapter 34: Bottom on Fire

       Chapter 35: Nee-Naw! Nee-Naw!

       Chapter 36: The Unwelcoming Committee

       Chapter 37: Not a Laughing Matter

       Chapter 38: Deep, Deep Trouble

       Chapter 39: The Saddest Story

       Chapter 40: Chocolate for Breakfast

       Chapter 41: One Last Adventure?

       Chapter 42: The Escape

       Chapter 43: A Wall of Black

       Chapter 44: Home

       Chapter 45: A One-Winged Pigeon

       Chapter 46: Prince Charming

       Chapter 47: Nothing is Impossible

       Chapter 48: An Awfully Big Adventure

       Chapter 49: Two Left Feet

       Chapter 50: Poppadoms

       Chapter 51: Suspicion

       Chapter 52: A Pain in the Bum

       Chapter 53: Bong!

       Chapter 54: Together

       Chapter 55: Nestled in the Pillows

       Chapter 56: None Shall Sleep

       Chapter 57: Make her Smile

       Chapter 58: Tonight is Forever

       Chapter 59: “My Bottom Hurts!”

       Chapter 60: Long-Forgotten Choc Ice

       Chapter 61: A Tender Kiss

       Epilogue

       More from the World of David Walliams

       Also by David Walliams

       About the Publisher

       Welcome to the world of the Midnight Gang.

      This is LORD FUNT HOSPITAL, in London, England. It was built many years ago and should have been demolished many years ago. The hospital was named in honour of its founder, the late Lord Funt.

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      Have a look inside LORD FUNT HOSPITAL.

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      Meet the patients in the children’s ward, high up on the forty-fourth floor of the hospital.

      This is Tom. He is twelve and goes to a posh boarding school. He has hurt his head.

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      Amber is twelve. She has broken both of her arms and both of her legs, so has been in a wheelchair for some time.

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      Robin is also twelve. He is recovering from an operation to save his eyesight, and for now can’t see a thing.

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      George is eleven and from the East End of London, which makes him a cockney. He is recovering from having his tonsils taken out in an operation.

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      Sally is just ten and the youngest of the group. Because she is so ill, Sally spends most of her time sleeping.

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      Downstairs in one of the grown-ups’ wards is the oldest patient in the hospital – ninety-nine-year-old Nelly.

      Hundreds of people work at LORD FUNT HOSPITAL. Among them are:

      Porter. A lonely figure, whose real name is a mystery. His job is to move people and things around the hospital, which he never seems to leave.

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      Matron. Despite running the children’s ward, she doesn’t like children at all.

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      Doctor Luppers has just become a doctor, and is rather easy to fool.

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      Tootsie is the hospital’s dinner lady. She brings meals round on a trolley to all the patients.

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      Nurse Meese is the tired-looking nurse, who never ever seems to get a night off work.

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      Dilly is one of the hospital’s cleaners. You can always tell where she has cleaned as there will be a long trail of fag ash.

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      Mr Cod is the old chemist. He has a hearing aid and thick glasses. Mr Cod runs