~ghost, usually the protector of a house but may become resentful.
And so, Christopher slips through the crack and into my mother’s house.
I hear a key turning.
and a.
~cl – unk.
as the barrel revolves.
The chain and padlock come undone.
I hear the chain clunk.
~cl – unk.
~cl – unk.
to the floor.
And then it is gone.
I cannot explain where it has gone; only that it no longer keeps those in, those out.
I walk into my mother’s house, dragging my suitcase over debris. My eyes begin to adjust. I see through the dust and the rubble and the rubbish. The smell hits me, decaying, riddled.
I stop. I begin to hold my breath, to count, in Maltese.
I close my eyes.
Wie
~one, two, three, four, five.
I open my eyes.
My eyes transform the tumbled ceilings, the broken banisters and within moments I am standing in my mother’s hallway. A grand sweeping staircase is on my right. A wooden coat stand, garnished with elaborate carvings, is to my left. I take off my shawl. I drape it onto the stand, next to my mother’s lace shawl. I release the grip of my suitcase, resting it near to the wall.
I shiver. It is cold in Malta. I feel cold in my bones, shiver shiver, shiver shiver.
And then, my mother walks in from the kitchen.
She is ahead of me, rubbing her hands over her hair, shaping her black backcombed locks into a ball. She looks young, fresh, alive. She looks my age, mid thirties, I see my shape in her curved figure. Her lips are covered in red lipstick; she is wearing her house clothes, covered with an apron. She has been cooking, I smell, I am hungry.
‘Nina, qalbi!
~Nina, my heart! You came back home for me.
She holds out her arms, wide, and as I move towards her I become enveloped in her scent.
‘Jien qieg
~I am home.
The embrace is broken.
‘Christopher, where is he?’ I ask.
My eyes search, I panic.
‘He will be with Geordie, Aunt Elena’s Englishman, don’t worry. Ikunu qed jaqsmu l-birra ma’
~they will be sharing beer with Jesus.
My mother is smiling.
‘Cic
‘He does, you’ll meet him.’
My mother says.
‘Why are there so many dead people here?’ I ask.
‘All troubled souls come to Malta, qalbi.’
~my heart.
‘But why, Mama?’ I ask.
‘You don’t remember, qalbi? To heal, the good come here to heal.’
My mother says.
We are in the kitchen.
My mother stands near to her cooker; two plates, a bowl, two forks and a large silver spoon are laid out, ready. I lean my bottom onto one of the wooden chairs; there are six surrounding the kitchen table. In the centre of the table, a glistening crystal bowl contains one single orange.
‘Cic
She says, spooning out aran
~baked rice balls filled with cheese, meat sauce, peas, rice. The outside is covered in breadcrumbs.
I watch my mother.
I look as the perfect rice balls are transferred from bowl, to spoon, to plate, with ease. It was my favourite dish as a child, my mother has remembered, she has cooked them to welcome, without words. Her rice balls are filled with mozzarella, the taste used to linger, melt. The taste was unique to my mother’s recipe, different, special.
I smile.
I cross my arms over my chest, my hands rubbing to warm the tops of my arms. My mouth is filled with anticipation, juices.
‘Are you cold, qalbi?’
~my heart.
‘I am cold in my bones,’ I say.
‘You will find warmth, come, eat.’
She hands me a plate and a fork, the aran
I think to how Christopher and I would attempt to replicate, to make aran