Kimberley Chambers

The Schemer


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do with her, son, and I ain’t having no Paki kid calling me grandad,’ Smasher had screamed on learning the news.

      Pecking his mother politely on the cheek, Barry picked up his fags, lighter and door key. He wasn’t due to meet Stephanie for another hour but, as always, his mother was doing his head in and he couldn’t wait to get away from her.

      Due to enduring a mild bout of gastroenteritis, Pam and Cathy had both been off work for the past two days.

      ‘How you feeling, girl? I’m on the mend, I think,’ Cathy shouted, as she let herself into Pam’s house.

      ‘I’ve still got the shits, but I feel a lot better than I did,’ Pam replied.

      ‘Ere, wanna hear the latest?’ Cathy asked.

      ‘Yeah.’

      ‘Lairy Mary popped round yesterday. She reckons that the old slapper’s daughter is pregnant by some Indian fella who’s inside for possessing heroin. He comes out next week, so Mary reckons.’

      Pam put her hand over her mouth in shock. ‘What a scumbag family they are! That young boy we saw moving his stuff in last week is the old slapper’s son, apparently. Edna next-door-but-one reckons he’s started at Priory. I hope they don’t put him in either of my girls’ classes. He looks more Steph’s age than my Angie’s.’

      ‘Yous two talking about us?’ Angela shouted as she galloped down the stairs, followed by her sister.

      For the second time in minutes, Pam stood with her jaw wide open. Both her daughters had lipstick and mascara on and Angela had gone one step further by plastering her eyelids with bright green eyeshadow.

      ‘Where’re yous two off to, all done up to the nines?’

      ‘Just out,’ Angela replied, stroppily.

      ‘Out where? Yous pair got boyfriends or something?’ Pam replied, knowingly.

      ‘No! We’re just meeting some friends over the park,’ Stephanie lied.

      Knowing that turning the tables was always the best way out of a difficult situation, Angela immediately turned them. ‘Me and Steph wanna know why you were talking about us? What we done wrong now?’ she asked, accusingly.

      ‘We weren’t saying anything detrimental against you girls, were we, Cath?’

      ‘No. We was talking about the old slapper’s son across the road. He’s started your school by all accounts, and your mother said she hoped he weren’t in any of your classes.’

      Unable to stop herself, Angie started to giggle.

      ‘Come on, let’s go,’ Stephanie said, grabbing her sister roughly by the arm.

      ‘I weren’t born yesterday, you know. In your opinion I might be past me sell-by date, but I ain’t bleedin’ simple. I know you’ve got boyfriends and I shall find out who they are,’ Pam shouted angrily as the front door slammed.

      Cathy raised her eyebrows. ‘Girls, eh! Who’d have ’em?’

      Bill Jackman was quite pleased that his grandson was stuffing a bit of fluff, but his wife had her concerns about the situation and had insisted on hanging around to meet the girl.

      Wayne agreed to the introduction. As long as his grandparents didn’t cramp his style, he didn’t care what they did. He knew he was lucky to be allowed to have the house to himself to bed a girl, none of his friends were, and he couldn’t wait to have sex with Angela again. He had seen her every evening this week, but she’d flatly refused to let him have his wicked way with her over the park, even though he’d begged her. When the doorbell rang, Wayne bolted into the hallway. ‘All right, babe? Come and say hello to me nan and grandad,’ he said, dragging Angela into the lounge.

      ‘Hello,’ Angela said, awkwardly staring at her feet. If they sussed her real age, she was dead meat.

      ‘Nice to meet you, love. Our Wayne says you live with your mum and dad near the Heathway. Is that right?’ Doris probed, nosily.

      ‘Yeah,’ Angela replied.

      ‘What’s your mum and dad’s names? I’m always up that Heathway.’

      ‘Pam and David Marshall,’ Angela lied.

      ‘Come on, Doll. Let’s leave the kids to play records and stuff,’ Bill urged, gently shoving his wife out of the room.

      ‘Well? Pretty little thing, wasn’t she?’ Bill asked as he shut the front door.

      ‘Horrible little cunt! Couldn’t even look me in the eye – and if she’s fifteen like our Wayne says she is, then I’m fucking Doris Day.’

      Barry and Stephanie took the District Line train to Bow Road Station and then had a ten-minute walk to get to the market. ‘Have you been up ’ere before?’ Barry asked.

      ‘Yeah. My mum comes from Bow and my grandad still lives here. We ain’t been to visit him for ages though. I was only about twelve last time I came to the market, I think.’

      ‘Do you wanna pop in and see your grandad while we’re up this way? I’ll wait for you outside if you like,’ Barry asked, thoughtfully.

      ‘Nah. He’ll probably be in the pub anyway,’ Stephanie replied, truthfully.

      Stephanie felt her heart flip as Barry held her hand. Her nerves hadn’t embarrassed her so far today, but the feel of Barry’s warm hand pressing against her own felt like an electric shock entering her system. ‘Let’s have a fag,’ she said, snatching her hand away and riffling through her small silver shoulder bag.

      ‘What time you gotta be back later?’

      ‘Ten. Are we hanging about up here all day or going back to the Heathway later?’

      ‘Firstly, I’m gonna introduce you to the geezer I work for. Then, I’ll treat you to lunch. We can have a mooch up and down the market, then I’m gonna take you up to Bethnal Green to show you where I come from. Our last stop will be the Bishop Bonner pub. It’s where my dad drinks and I really want you to meet him.’

      ‘I can’t meet your dad, Bal. Say he tells your mum and then my mum finds out?’ Stephanie replied, horrified.

      Tilting Stephanie’s chin upwards so that she made eye contact with him, Barry treated her to his killer smile. ‘Look, babe, I know you don’t want your mum to know that we’ve been out together and I can understand why. No one wants their daughter associated with a muvver like mine, but my dad’s a good geezer. He’s gotta go away for a while next week and, seeing as you’re the first girl I’ve ever really liked, I’d be well chuffed if you’d meet him. He’ll adore you, I know he will.’

      Stephanie’s heart was pounding at twice its normal rate. Did Barry just say that she was the first girl he had ever really liked, or had her ears deceived her? ‘OK, I’ll meet him then,’ she croaked.

      Wayne and Angela spent the whole afternoon at it like rabbits. After her initial painful experience, Angela had taken to sex like a duck takes to water and had even learnt the art of giving a blow job.

      ‘Suck it again for me, Ange. It’s your fault it keeps getting hard,’ Wayne said, bluntly.

      Angela smiled. Wayne had told her earlier that she gave him the best sex he’d ever had and Angie liked to feel indispensable.

      ‘Do you love me, Jacko?’ she asked him coyly.

      Desperate to feel her plump warm lips around his penis again, Wayne nodded. ‘Yeah, of course I love you, babe.’

      Stephanie Crouch shook hands with Barry’s boss, Steve. Most Indian people Steph had met before, including the two boys in her class at school, were very reserved, kept themselves to themselves and spoke in weird accents, but Steve was entirely different. He was loud, funny and sounded more cockney than she did. When Barry had first told her he was a fly pitcher, Steph hadn’t quite understood the