Alex, we’re both adults. You don’t have to run off as if I’m expecting you to propose marriage.’
He emits a sharp laugh, swinging round. ‘If only you knew.’
‘So, tell me.’
He hesitates, frowns. ‘Can’t, sorry.’ Setting off towards the door again.
Hot colour floods my face, ‘So I’m good enough to mess around with, but not to talk to?’
‘Charley,’ he recoils. ‘It’s complicated. I’m not in the market for a relationship. For anything. You wouldn’t—’
‘Understand? Nope. No way. You can’t do better than that? Do you know what?’ I shake my head, seething anger and sexual frustration driving me. ‘Don’t do me any favours.’ Bucketing forward I grab his jacket and shove it at him, ‘And don’t let me keep you.’
He seems shocked, holding the jacket against him. ‘Charley—’
‘No. Off you go.’ I can’t remember the last time I felt so humiliated. I pretty much push him across the room, needing him out right this minute.
He opens the door and a growl escapes me when he pauses in the doorway. ‘Wait.’
‘What?’
‘Before I leave … ’
‘Yes?’
Lowering his voice, ‘I need to know that you won’t tell anyone about this.’
I frown. ‘What?’
He smooths down his dark hair, erasing the spikes caused by my frantic clutching when we were kissing. His sharp cheekbones are bright red, eyes darting over everything but me. He looks how I feel. ‘You’re making this harder than it has to be.’
‘I apologise,’ I say coldly, stepping back. ‘Why don’t you try explaining to me in words of one syllable what you mean. Maybe then I’ll be able to follow.’
Rocking back on his heels, he shoves his hands in his pockets. ‘Don’t be like that. It’s just – I have to exercise a certain amount of discretion because of my role, my reputation. I fight hard to keep my private life private. So, can I trust that this will stay between us?’
Understanding dawns, and with it, gut-turning disappointment. He doesn’t trust me. It’s upsetting on a number of levels, not only the one related to The Plan. ‘Oh. Oh, wow. You’re actually asking me not to tell anyone. Gee, thanks. What’s the next step, get your lawyers involved and serve me with a gagging order?’ The remark hits home because his cheekbones darken further. ‘Alex, I feel sorry for you,’ I say quietly, sweeping together some of my tattered dignity. ‘That this is the world you live in. I don’t think anyone could pay me enough to. Don’t worry,’ looking him up and down I raise an eyebrow, ‘I’m not one of those kiss-and-tell girls. I definitely won’t be telling anybody what just happened.’
‘Do you mean that?’ he grinds out.
‘I told you earlier today, anything that happens this weekend I’ll keep a secret.’ I make sure to hold his gaze, let him read the sincerity in my eyes. I hope they’re glowing at him. I hope they’re scary glowy. I’m so bloody angry.
Letting out a whoosh of breath, he gives me a brief grateful smile. ‘Thank you.’
For a bright guy, he’s being so dumb. How can he not realise how badly he’s just offended me?
‘Don’t thank me Alex,’ using the most freezing tone I can manage, ‘I’m only thinking of myself.’
He frowns. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Simple really. I wouldn’t want anyone to know how incredibly stupid I’ve just been.’
An emotion I can’t interpret flares in his eyes. ‘Charley, hold on—’
‘Good night.’ It gives me overwhelming satisfaction to slam the door in his face.
Stumbling across the room, I throw myself on the bed. ‘You bloody idiot,’ I mutter at myself. ‘What the hell were you thinking? Remember why you’re here!’ Crawling under the covers, I can’t stop the memories flooding in.
Then
As I lurch into the flat after being suspended, dazed and dizzy, I feel like part of me has died. The fear sets in alongside the shameful humiliation. I slouch on the sofa and give in to it for endless hours while Jess is at work, staring dry-eyed at the wall, unable to compute what’s happened.
When I realise I’m shaking with cold, shock and hunger I make myself move. Showering and pulling on a pair of jeans and a vest top, I force some soup down and call our Human Resources department, getting a copy of every relevant policy I can think of emailed to me. Pouring over them, I highlight paragraphs and make notes. Drinking strong, black coffee and pinning my hair back, I drag my disordered thoughts together and am interrupted only by one of the security guards arriving with my stuff.
‘Thanks,’ I say brightly, looking him straight in the eye. I won’t be pitied, or act like someone who’s already lost. ‘I appreciate it.’
‘No problem,’ the man – one of Baz’s new recruits, Ian – gives me a quizzical smile and I wonder if I look a little manic. ‘Baz said it was important to get this to you,’ he prompts nosily.
‘It is. Thank you. Bye.’ I slide my diary, files and notepads from his grasp and wait until he’s trotted down the stairs before bumping the door closed with my hip. As I do, a piece of paper flutters to the floor and I sweep it up. The tears threatening all day finally spill over as I read the note.
Whatever it is, we’re all rooting for you.
I let go for a few minutes then wipe the tears away and march into the kitchen, where I’ve set up camp at the table. If they’re rooting for me I’d better get on with it.
Some time later, Jess slams in. ‘What the hell is going on?’ She throws her bag into the corner, stripping her coat off.
‘Huh?’ I look up from my diary, where I’ve been backtracking to all the times Tony has said or done anything inappropriate over the last few months, to write up a chronological sequence of events for the disciplinary investigation. It feels good to be doing something meaningful, taking control.
‘I called the casino on my way home to see how you got on with sorting out Tony and they said you left this morning.’ She sets her hands on her hips, temper written across her face. ‘Then Kitty took me aside. Is it true?’
‘What?’ Sitting back in my chair.
‘You’ve been suspended?’
‘She shouldn’t have told you that.’
‘She’s your friend as well as your colleague, and as if you wouldn’t have told me.’
‘Of course I would, but I wanted to tell you myself! Sorry.’ Sucking in a breath: ‘I didn’t see any point in ruining your day too, so I was waiting for you to get home. That b—’
‘Bastard Tony,’ she finishes. ‘Yes. What did he do?’
‘He’s accused me of sexual harassment—’
‘He wishes! The little—’
‘And bullying.’ I rise to get fresh coffee started. ‘They’re taking it seriously. So I’m suspended until they’ve investigated and decided on an outcome.’
‘Which will be that he’s talking a load of crap.’ She drops her hands from her hips and shakes her head. ‘I don’t know how you can be so