Some people need a drink or a chocolate to make them happy. I know what I need is Jallal.
Phew, she’s derived all this from a photo and one long-distance telephone conversation. Love must indeed be a powerful thing.
ShelleyPixie says: I’m just wondering—how do you know it’s love and not just a crush or something?
SugarShuli says: Well—you’ve read about it, haven’t you? It just takes over your whole world, just like Mystical Crystal said in ‘Superstars Secrets’ last month. All I can think about is the wedding. It’s, like, taken over my brain.
Surinda doesn’t have an enormous brain, so that shouldn’t be too hard, the uncharitable thought pops up.
SugarShuli says: All I can think about is…you know, the actual night. I’m working on my mum to buy me some nice stuff, lingerie, you know the type of thing. She says I won’t need it. It won’t matter. But I’m working on her; it’s all part of the fun, isn’t it?
ShelleyPixie says: I guess.
How would I know? She’s talking about sex. I’ve never even been kissed. I’m never going to be. I’m not much of a friend, I know, but her joy is making me miserable. The more wonderful Surinda assures me that her life is, the crappier I feel about my own. Not that any of that is her fault. Krok hasn’t answered my emails for ages and he’s never online these days. I don’t know how he spends his time. Having fun making music and going out with girls who can go out with him, I suppose. I want to ask him about the Beat the Bank tickets. Not that I’m planning on going, it’s just a thing we talk about online.
ShelleyPixie says: I don’t know how you can get so enthusiastic about someone you’ve never met.
There I go. I don’t want to rain on her parade, not really.
SugarShuli says: You’re enthusiastic over your Krok, aren’t you?
ShelleyPixie says: I’m not marrying him, though.
I wish I were. I can’t believe I just thought that. I’m jealous. I admit it. Surinda sees this Jallal as the easy way out of her life as she’s living it at the moment, stuck in that tiny house with her five brothers and sisters and her strict ‘do-as-I-say’ father and her timid-mouse mum. She was always a dunce at school so marriage is her only way out of it.
I wish I had an easy way out of my life too.
I guess I do.
I’ve already gone through all my options on that score and I’ve made my decision but it isn’t a very thrilling one. I’m going to have to tell someone soon because keeping it all to myself is killing me. Ha ha.
It has to be someone who won’t say anything, though, or my plans will be ruined. I have to tell Mum, of course, but I want to tell someone else as well. I don’t know if I can trust Surinda. I want Krok.
SugarShuli says: I wish you could be happy for me.
ShelleyPixie says: Don’t think I’m not. Once you’re married you’re stuck with him, though, aren’t you, Surinda? I mean, with your family being the way it is, you won’t have the option of a quickie divorce if things don’t work out.
SugarShuli says: I’m content, girl. I couldn’t be happier. I see your Kieran boy was in the papers this morning?
She means Krok. Kieran is his real name.
ShelleyPixie says: Was he? What for?
SugarShuli says: He must have got them places he was after. They were doing a piece about how today’s youth have such high expectations and it’s all because of the hype surrounding game shows. They all had to say what they hoped to gain if they won. Kieran’s bit got the biggest coverage—they said because he’d tragically lost his parents and here was a lad who wanted to do something positive in their memory, but I think really they’re targeting him because he’s so photo…photoginetic.
ShelleyPixie says: Photogenic?
SugarShuli says: ’God damn gorgeous, girl! Anyway, he’s on tonight’s show.
Christ, is that what he’s been up to? I didn’t know. He hasn’t even bothered to let me know…I feel like not even watching it now. Plus, now there’s the added worry that everybody else is noticing him. I don’t want everyone else making a fuss of him. He’s mine.
ShelleyPixie says: Not been talking to Krok lately.
SugarShuli says: He pissed with you?
ShelleyPixie says: Why would he be?
SugarShuli says: Dunno. Maybe because you wont send him a photo? And he hasn’t sent you them tickets.
ShelleyPixie says: NOYB, is it? Anyway, even if we did get tickets—assuming he’s not eliminated in the next few weeks—how would we get there? Mum won’t take us so how would we…
SugarShuli says: Yes she would. Your mum is the best mum in the world. She gives you everything. You’re so lucky. She’d give you the lingerie I’m after if it was you in my place.
ShelleyPixie says: If it were me.
SugarShuli says: That’s what I said, if it was you.
ShelleyPixie says: If it were me, not was me. Anyway, why don’t you ask Jallal if he’s so loaded? It’ll be mainly for his benefit, won’t it?
SugarShuli says: lol. Big brother wants the computer off me—he’s looking for jobs now. Speak to U tomorrow.
ShelleyPixie says: Okay, CU then.
God, she’s so excited. She’s like a jumpy bunny. I’m a cow, I know, but I don’t want to hear all about it really. I wish I had some proper friends I could speak to, like Miriam, not just Surinda. I wish Krok would come back online. Maybe I could phone him and speak to him at the DVD shop? Just the thought of doing that gives me butterflies in my stomach. What if he doesn’t want to take my call? I’d be so embarrassed.
I was thinking about that last night. I looked up his shop but they aren’t listed on the Internet and Mum keeps the telephone directories upstairs so I can’t get to them without her wanting to know why, and I don’t want to tell her so I’m stuck. Unless Surinda does it for me?
ShelleyPixie says: B4U go—could you look up the telephone number for David’s DVDs for me? It’s in Kensington somewhere.
SugarShuli says: Did you think of trying directory enquiries?
ShelleyPixie says: I haven’t got the full address—you might have to hunt for it.
Surinda’s brother works in telesales. He’s got a huge pile of directories beside his bed at home. Surinda told me he keeps his collection of top-shelf magazines hidden underneath them too, but that’s more than anybody wants to know.
SugarShuli says: Give me a little while. If Yusef goes out later I can search for you, otherwise not.
ShelleyPixie says: Thanks for that, Surinda.
She’s not so bad after all. It’s not her fault her life is on the up and mine isn’t. I think I’ll make out a ‘May resolutions list’. I’ve got such little time left. I need to focus on what I want to get done before I go. It’s a pity I won’t make Surinda’s wedding like she thinks. I would have liked to have seen her all decked out in her orange sari.
But I promised myself I wouldn’t do the ‘if-onlys’.
I said I’d never do that.
My ‘May resolutions list’ would look like this:
1 Meet Krok. Okay, I do want to meet him. I want to say hello and goodbye. I want to know if I really would have fallen in love with him. I want to know what that must feel like. I can’t