hard as the base automatically inclined to make the workout hurt just a little bit more. Jack was in the tub, and her father was watching TV in his bedroom, leaving the downstairs to herself. Her favorite crime drama was playing, an episode she’d already seen, but it was a comforting routine—treadmill and TV. Her mind wasn’t on the show, however. She needed to have a long overdue talk with Jack tonight, and she wasn’t sure how she was going to do this.
Lord, give me the words. Let me do this properly...
She heard the plug pull upstairs, and the water started to drain. Jack would be down any minute, wanting his snack before bed, so she stopped the treadmill and gratefully got off. Her legs felt like jelly, and she wiped her face once more as she headed into the kitchen to dish up a bowl of applesauce for her son. It would be gentle on his stomach after the cannolis today.
A few minutes later, Jack ambled into the kitchen. His pajama shirt was done up one button off, and his fingers looked pruney from the tub. He slid into his spot at the table and pulled the bowl of applesauce closer. He took a tentative bite.
“I wanted to talk to you about something,” Sofia said, sinking into the chair next to him. “Something really important.”
“Did I do something bad?” Jack asked warily.
“No, sweetie.” She reached over and put a hand on his arm. “Nothing bad, at all.”
“Oh, that’s good, then.” He took another bite, his spoon clinking against the side of the bowl.
“You know how you’ve been asking about your dad?” she asked. He’d been asking more often over the past couple of years, and she’d been giving him as little information as possible, even though she knew it was the wrong choice. He needed answers.
Jack nodded but didn’t say anything. His eating slowed, though, so she knew that she had his attention.
“Is there anything you’d like to ask about him now?” she asked hopefully.
Jack swallowed and frowned. “I have a dad, right?”
“Yes, you do,” she said quietly. “I didn’t tell him about you, though.”
“Who is he?” Jack asked.
“You met him today. He’s Benjamin Blake,” she said, and then closed her mouth, waiting for the information to sink in.
“The policeman?”
“Yes, the police officer,” she said.
“Does he know about me?” he asked after a moment.
“He didn’t know about you when he was here this morning. I told him after we left.”
“Was he happy to hear about me?”
That was a difficult question to answer. Her ride-along with Ben had not been smooth or comfortable. Ben was most certainly angry with her about not telling him earlier, and while fatherhood obviously hadn’t been part of his plans right now, he’d been adamant that he did care about his son.
“Sweetie, you are very good news,” she said gently. “You were a bit of a surprise, though.”
“Hmm.” Jack nodded slowly. “What’s his name again?”
“Benjamin Blake.”
“I’m a McCray,” Jack said defensively. “I don’t have to stop being a McCray, do I?”
“Of course not!” Sofia slipped an arm around him and pulled him against her. “You’re always going to be my boy, Jack. That will never change, and you and I are McCrays. Period.”
Jack was silent, and she couldn’t see his face past his ruffled hair. What was he feeling? Was he going to be mad at her, too, for having waited so long?
“So...” Sofia paused and nudged him up so she could see her son’s face. “How do you feel about this?”
“I don’t know if I want a dad,” Jack replied after a moment.
“How come?” she asked.
“I have you.” Tears misted his eyes.
“Yes, you do.” Sofia planted a kiss on the top of his head. “Look, Jack, you don’t have to worry about anything. You aren’t going to lose me. I’m your mom. That doesn’t change. Okay?”
Jack nodded. “Does he have any kids? Do I have a brother or sister?”
“I don’t think so, sweetie. I think you’re the only one.”
“Do I have another grandma and grandpa, then?”
“Yes, but we can wait before we meet anyone else. I think this is enough for now. It’s kind of a lot to take in, isn’t it?”
“Yeah,” he said quietly. “My friend Carlton’s parents are divorced, and he has to stay with his dad every weekend. Will I have to do that?”
“It isn’t about making you do anything,” she replied. “It’s about...” She sucked in a breath. “I suppose we’ll take it a step at a time.”
“Are you going to make me hang out with him now?” he asked.
“Not if you aren’t ready.” She smoothed his hair. “I have a feeling you’ll want to know him, though,” she said.
Jack nodded again.
“And, sweetheart?” She put her hands on the sides of his face and smiled down into his eyes. “I love you. With all my heart.”
“I love you, too, Mom.” He wriggled out of her hands.
“Are you okay, sweetheart?” she asked tentatively.
“I’m going to read my comics,” he said.
It wasn’t much of an answer, but it would have to do. Jack needed to process things, and apparently he needed to do that away from her. It stabbed a little. “Sure,” she said, hoping her smile didn’t look as strained as she felt.
Jack ambled into the living room, and Sofia watched him go, her heart full. Had she done this right? Had she used the right words? Did he understand how much she loved him?
She closed her eyes and sighed, seeking her own comfort. She knew that God forgave her for her mistakes, and Jack was the perfect redemption of all the bad choices. He was a beautiful boy who showed her every day how God worked. Right now, she needed God, too. While Jack might be wary of having a father, she longed for her Father in Heaven to smooth this over and to bring them both some peace.
Her cell phone rang, and she looked down at the incoming number. It was Ben. She paused, glancing into the living room where Jack sat reading a book, then picked up the call.
“Hello?”
“Hi.” Ben’s voice was low. “I hope you don’t mind me calling. Chief Taylor gave me your number.”
“No, no, it’s fine,” she reassured him.
“How are you doing?” he asked.
“I’ve been better, to be honest,” she replied with a sigh. “How about you?”
“I’ve had some time to think,” he said. “I wanted to thank you for telling me about Jack. I know you didn’t have to.”
Actually, Jack looked so much like his father that it was only a matter of time before someone put it together, but she wasn’t about to say that right now. Ben was trying to be agreeable, and that counted for something.
“It’s okay,” she said. “In fact, I talked to Jack about you tonight.”
There was a pause. “Oh, yeah? How much did you tell him?”
“That you’re his father,” she said. She sank into a kitchen chair, suddenly feeling very tired.
“How did he take