There was a rustle at her side, and she saw her daughter wiggle in between them again, now that Jake was standing.
“Peas are ugly,” her daughter announced, looking up at Jake defiantly. When he didn’t say anything, she started to talk faster. “And, I’m a princess, so if I get peas under my mattress, I won’t be able to sleep all night long. And, they make me burp.” She paused and looked down at the floor. “Well, sort of—sometimes.”
Cat had struggled to teach Lara the difference between truth and lies, even before she got the book of fairy tales. At first, Cat thought the book was good because it helped Lara learn to read, but she was beginning to wonder if Lara really believed she was a princess when she said things like that.
“Don’t worry. I’ll get you carrots,” Jake said as he squatted down to her daughter’s level. His voice was gentle and he seemed to really be looking at her. “I’m not that fond of peas, either.”
Lara beamed at him.
Jake just looked at the girl for another minute.
“How old are you, Lara?” he finally asked.
Cat felt her breath clutch. She suddenly realized he was asking the question as if he didn’t know the answer. She’d taken for granted that he’d known that much. She wasn’t ready to tell him everything, but he must know who Lara was. She hadn’t even worried about that on the way here.
“I’m four,” her daughter answered, and held up the required number of fingers with the confidence of her preschool training. “And three months.”
Cat saw the shock wave go through Jake and she reached her hand out to stop him from saying a word. She hadn’t told her daughter anything, but surely Jake had known.
“Lara, will you take the bottle back to the nice man at the counter?” she asked as she held the plastic water bottle out to her daughter.
Fortunately, Jake knew what she intended and waited to say anything until Lara had walked over to the older man and he lifted her up on a stool.
“Who’s her father?” Jake’s voice was low and impatient.
Cat took a quick breath. “I thought you knew. It’s you.”
“Me?” Jake turned to stare at her fully. She couldn’t read his face. He’d gone pale. That much she could see. And his jaw was tense.
She nodded and darted a look over at Lara. “I know she doesn’t look like you, but I promise I wasn’t with anyone else. Not after we …”
She didn’t even have any proof, she realized. She hadn’t thought she would ever need any. She hadn’t put his name on the birth certificate, either.
“Of course you weren’t with anyone else,” Jake said indignantly. “We were so tight there would have been no time to …” He stopped and lifted his hand to rub the back of his neck. “At least, I thought we were tight. Until you ran away.”
His voice had drifted, but it was still loud enough to be overheard and she lifted her hand to ask him to lower it. But then he went completely silent, just crouched there looking at her. Soon his black eyes warmed until they were filled with golden flecks. She’d forgotten they could do that.
“She’s really mine?” he whispered, his voice husky once again.
Cat nodded. “She doesn’t know. Although she doesn’t take after you—her hair and everything—she’s got your way of looking out at the world. I assumed someone on the staff at the youth home must have told you about her …”
His jaw tensed further at that.
“You think I wouldn’t have moved heaven and earth to find you if I’d known you’d had my baby?” Jake’s eyes flashed. He’d obviously forgotten about being quiet. “I made several trips back to the home to try and trace you. They said you didn’t want to be found so I finally accepted that. But if I’d known I had a daughter, I would have forced them to tell me where you were. I’d have gotten some high-powered lawyer and made them talk.”
Cat suddenly realized why she’d been so sure he knew. “But you’ve been sending me money. No letters. Just the money. Why would you do that? I thought it was like child support in your mind. That you wanted to be responsible even if you didn’t want to be involved with us.”
Jake shook his head. “I didn’t put down any words because I didn’t know what to say. I thought the money spoke for itself. That you would write when you were ready. And the money—it was like a tithe.”
“A tithe? You’re going to church?” Cat asked in relief. Maybe God had worked things out better than she had hoped. If Jake was a Christian, then she would feel so much better about him raising Lara if it came to that.
He shook his head. “Churches never have been any use to me, you know that. But I remember something Mrs. Hargrove gave me when I was a kid. You remember the lady who used to write me when I was in the home?” He looked at Cat until she nodded. “Well, one of the church papers talked about tithing.”
Cat was confused. “People give tithes to churches.”
Jake nodded. “Yes, so the church can help those in need. I am just cutting out the middle man. I figured you could use food and things so I gave the money to you.”
“Charity?” she whispered, appalled. She’d never imagined that was what the envelopes of cash were about.
Jake lowered his eyes, but he didn’t deny anything.
“I had money. Not much, but I didn’t need charity,” she finally managed to say before she heard Lara squeal and come running back to the sofa.
Cat willed her heart to stay steady. She couldn’t afford to get upset. She breathed as deeply as she dared and stayed silent. Jake’s eyes were caught by Lara, anyway.
“Come here, princess,” he said softly to the girl as she danced closer. The ballet shoes had been a present last Christmas, too. “Let me look at you.”
Lara twirled around and faced him, her cheeks flushed with merriment. “Are you going to turn me into a toad?”
Jake grinned. “Not today.”
Her daughter was enchanting, Cat thought in relief. No one could resist her.
Jake did seem interested in Lara, but that wouldn’t be enough, Cat reminded herself. She hadn’t even asked the crucial question yet. Now she wasn’t so sure. Jake had always been the first one to stand up and do what was right. But that didn’t equal love. She knew that better than anyone and she didn’t want Lara to grow up feeling as though she was a burden on someone.
Cat reminded herself that’s why she had run away from Jake and the home all those years ago. She’d known back then that he’d marry her for duty, but it wasn’t enough. What if Jake agreed to take Lara, but then treated her like a charity child? He might as well turn her into a toad right now and be done with it.
What had possessed him to send her all that money, anyway? She’d just assumed he knew she’d had a baby seven months after she left the home and had done the math. Over the years, he had sent her forty or fifty thousand dollars. She worked as a waitress at first, and some months she wouldn’t have made rent without his help. Even now that she worked in an office, she didn’t really make enough to do without his assistance. At least she had medical insurance, she told herself.
But money wasn’t everything. She wanted more than that for Lara.
Dear Lord, she thought finally. I need Your help here. Lara needs a father and not an imaginary prince who will break her heart. And I need wisdom to know if he is the right one to raise her if I can’t. He might be her biological father, but will he come to love her as a father should? Every little girl needs to be loved, whether she’s a princess or not.