took a deep breath and asked a real question. “How are you, Tucker...really?”
“I’m busy.” His smile faded, the words taking on an edge that made her tilt her head. And it didn’t answer her question.
“You always were in high demand.”
“With some people. Not so much with others.”
Was he talking about their marriage? Because she hadn’t been the one to withdraw. He had. She’d loved this man. Deeply. Passionately. It was why it had devastated her when he’d shut down completely during Grace’s illness—pulling away from everyone except for his patients.
She’d been his wife! Grace’s slow downward spiral had been just as painful for her. The worst thing was, she’d felt frighteningly alone during those first few months after her death, while Tucker had slept in the guest bedroom and spent longer and longer hours working at the hospital. Desperate to reconnect with him on whatever level she could, she’d casually said maybe they should try to have another baby. If she’d thought that would lure him back into their bedroom, she couldn’t have been more wrong. He’d looked at her as if she’d taken leave of her senses, his next words chilling her to the bone.
I’ll never have another child.
When she’d started to say something more, he’d cut her off with a shake of his head and walked out of the room. Any time she’d brought up the subject after that, begging him to talk to her, she’d been met with the same stony response. Rather...no response. And his hours at the office had increased so that he’d barely been home at all.
Then had come the final blow. On the first anniversary of Grace’s death, he’d announced he’d decided to get a vasectomy, as if it was something people did every day. He’d probably hoped that would end all talk of having more children. It had.
His unilateral decision had floored her. And infuriated her.
The powerlessness she’d felt had been crushing. All-encompassing.
That had been the beginning of the end. Actually, it had been more like a rapid slide to home base, only to find out that the ball had arrived long before you had.
Three strikes and they were out. Bags packed. Papers filed. Divorce decree signed.
Being bitter solved nothing, though. So she stuffed all that back inside.
She went back to his cryptic comment about being in demand. “I’m sure your patients appreciate all you do.”
A softness came back into his eyes. “I wasn’t trying to be the big bad wolf back then, Kady.”
“I can see that...now.”
Back then, though, things hadn’t been so clear, and he’d seemed like the villain in their particular tale.
To her, anyway. Even now the memory of those days pinched at her heart like a pair of surgical clamps, causing a strange numbness to come over her.
But not so numb that it staunched the weird waterworks sensation that was inching its way back onto her radar. God, she wished things could have been different between them. They hadn’t been, though. So she needed to stop looking at him with glasses that magnified those old hurts. “That’s all in the past, where I think it should probably stay.”
He stood. “You’re right. It is. I just wanted to stop by and say hello.”
“I’m glad you did. It was really good to see you again.”
Good and sad and filled with all kinds of regrets.
He walked away, leaving her on her own once again. Only this time she was ready. All decisions about whether or not to have children would be made by her. And as soon as she got home, she was going to act on them. Seeing him again had just brought home all her reasons for wanting a child, and that longing she’d had as she’d carried Grace over those nine months.
All she needed to do was select a sperm donor and she’d be ready to start a family of her own.
For a few brief seconds she’d wanted to throw that letter from the clinic in his face, the way he’d thrown his decision about not having children in hers, but what would it solve?
Nothing.
She didn’t want to hurt Tucker. She just wanted a baby. Not to replace Grace. That would never happen. She would always love her little girl and be grateful for the time they’d had together. At times, Grace’s loss still caused her lungs to seize in the middle of the night as she lay there alone in bed. Any tiny sound in the dark would make her sit up, sure she’d heard a familiar cry. Wishing with all her might that she had heard that cry. And when she realized no one was there, Kady would be the one who cried.
Surely her daughter wouldn’t have wanted her to be stuck in limbo like this, never moving forward. She’d like to think Grace would have wanted her to go on living, to love and be loved. And she was finally ready to share that love. With another baby.
She tried to focus on that and block out the negative thoughts that were steadily creeping into her head.
And the best way to hold those at bay was to stay as far away from Dr. Tucker Stevenson as possible.
TUCKER HAD NO idea why Phil Harold, the department head, wanted to see him. He was already running behind on his appointments and had a surgery scheduled at two o’clock this afternoon. At this rate, he’d be late to the convention workshop today. The convention. Great. Where he’d probably see Kady again.
How in the hell had any of this happened? He’d come to New York to get away from her. No, not from her. From the pain and memories of what had happened in Atlanta. Except some things—unlike his old golf clubs—weren’t as easy to leave behind. Some of them had followed him. And seeing Kady again had been like a punch to the gut, reawaking the guilt of not being able to give her what she’d wanted.
It was just for a week, though. Surely he could maintain some kind of poker face for that long. Then she’d fly back home. Life would return to normal.
Or some semblance of normal.
He rapped on the door, irritated that his thoughts seemed to keep circling his ex.
“Come.”
The curt command didn’t faze him. Phil was that way with everyone. And, as far as he knew, he hadn’t done anything to tick the man off. Not this week, anyway.
He pushed through the door and paused. Someone else was already in there. “Sorry, I can—”
“No, come in. This concerns both of you.”
Both?
Taking another look at the chair’s occupant, his stomach curdled in protest. Talk about circling. Think about her, and she appeared.
What the hell was Kady doing here?
He’d figured she’d be out lounging by the pool this morning, wearing one of those skimpy bikinis she tended to favor. Memories of creamy skin and long, lithe limbs flashed through his skull, only to be ejected in a hurry.
Not even going there.
That was what had gotten him into trouble in the first place.
He chose to remain standing by the door, even as Phil took his seat again. “You have a group of medical students scheduled to shadow you this week between conference sessions. Are you ready for them?”
Oh, hell, he’d completely forgotten about that. Since most of his workshop responsibilities were in the late afternoons, Phil had asked if a small contingent of students who were interested in obstetrics and pediatrics could follow him on his rounds.
That still didn’t explain why Kady was here.
“I am. Thanks for the reminder,