Mummy’s Little Girl: A heart-rending story of abuse, innocence and the desperate race to save a lost child
was still deeply loved – and went down.
At first, nobody noticed her standing in the doorway of the front room. Mum was in the kitchen, for a start, while James and Rebecca stood around Auntie Rose. Dani’s aunt – her mum’s sister – was a chubby lady. In her private moments, Dani had always thought that she looked a bit like a toad – a fat, poisonous toad with jowly cheeks and flat eyes that would sit there, hardly moving, waiting to be fed. She looked particularly toad-like today, sitting on the comfortable sofa with a wide, indulgent smile on her face. In her hands there was a large, dark green plastic bag. Not the sort of plastic bag Mum brought back from the supermarket: this was thicker and altogether more exciting – you could tell just by looking at it that it contained something more fun than food shopping. James and Rebecca could tell that too. They stood excitedly on tiptoes, waiting to see what their aunt had brought them.
James’s present came out first – a shiny metal car in a bright yellow box. ‘Thank you, Auntie Rose,’ he gabbled automatically, before taking his gift off to a corner of the room to unwrap it further. Meanwhile, Auntie Rose was removing something else from the bag. Rebecca looked a little crestfallen when she saw what it was: a magic wand, with a star at one end and a little button at the other. She pressed the button and the wand lit up, a sparkling golden colour. There was a tiara too, which Auntie Rose placed on Rebecca’s head before pinching her affectionately on the cheek.
‘Auntie Rose,’ Rebecca said in a quiet, whingey voice. ‘I’m too old for toys like that. I’m not a baby.’
Auntie Rose bristled slightly, and looked as if she was about to tell Rebecca off for her ingratitude; but at that moment she noticed Dani, and the indulgent smile fell from her face. ‘Dani,’ she said abruptly, as though greeting a grown-up she didn’t like very much. Her voice was lower than that of most of the women Dani knew.
‘Hello, Auntie Rose,’ Dani replied politely. She glanced at Rebecca’s glowing wand and the plastic bag. She didn’t really expect there to be anything in it for her, but she couldn’t help feeling a whisper of hope.
Auntie Rose looked away. ‘You’re too old for toys like that, Dani,’ she said by way of explanation that the bag was empty.
Dani felt a tiny crush of disappointment. In her mind she searched for the words to explain that Rebecca was only a year younger than her; but it wasn’t in her nature to answer back, and anyway, before she could say anything, she felt her mum pushing past her into the front room.
‘You spoil them, Rose,’ she said perfunctorily. ‘They’ve got enough toys as it is.’ She handed her sister one of the glasses of wine she was carrying, and then took a hearty swig from her own.
‘I like to spoil them, Tess,’ Auntie Rose replied. She also took a sip from her wine, and the awkwardness with Dani seemed to be immediately forgotten as they started chatting. Unobserved, Dani took a step backwards, and then silently climbed back upstairs to the refuge of her bedroom.
It had always been like this. Even before Dad left, Dani had always felt second best. Mum made no secret about it – about the fact that after Rebecca and James came along, she had wanted Dani to move somewhere else. It was Dad who had insisted on her staying, but now he had left. ‘Run off’ was the phrase everyone used. And since then, Mum had seemed increasingly bitter towards the little girl, as though she had been left with a burden she had long since lost interest in but couldn’t get rid of.
It was just the way things were. But that didn’t stop it hurting every time she was left out. It didn’t stop the little surge of embarrassment and shame coming to her cheeks. It didn’t stop her from almost crying. She was almost crying now, as she sat once more on her bed, waiting for night-time to come.
Half an hour later, perhaps a little more, she heard James and Rebecca traipsing upstairs. There was a time when Dani would be in charge of making sure they brushed their teeth and washed their faces, but that time was long gone – there was no way her siblings would ever put up with being bossed around by Dani now. And so she waited, listening for the sounds of them getting ready for bed to die away. Eventually she heard footsteps up the stairs – not the fast, impatient footsteps of her mum but the more plodding gait of Auntie Rose. She listened as the footsteps went into James and Rebecca’s room. It sounded as if she was going to read them a story. Stories were a bit babyish, she knew. Still, for a moment Dani considered knocking on their door and asking if she could listen too, just for a bit of company. Just to feel as if she was part of things. But she soon discarded that thought. They probably wouldn’t say no, but it would still be clear to everyone – her included – that she wasn’t really welcome there. No, there wouldn’t be a story for Dani tonight. There hadn’t been a story for her since the night her dad had left.
A few minutes passed, and eventually Dani heard Auntie Rose going back downstairs again. She would be staying until late in the evening, drinking wine with Mum until they both became drunk and noisy. Dad never liked Mum drinking alcohol, but she did it more and more now, as if she was punishing him for going off like that, proving that she could have a nice time without him. But it never really seemed to Dani that she was having a nice time – not if the way her mood got even worse the morning after was anything to go by.
Dani gave it a few more minutes before deciding to go and brush her teeth and get ready for bed herself.
It was dark outside now, and the landing light had been switched off. Rebecca’s wand caught Dani’s eye the moment she stepped out of her bedroom door. It was lying on the floor, discarded but still switched on, its glow bathing the landing in a soft, golden light. To Dani’s young eyes, it looked like some kind of treasure, and she found herself walking almost automatically towards it. She knelt down and gingerly picked it up.
It was such a beautiful thing, she thought. She couldn’t understand why Rebecca hadn’t liked it, why she had just left it lying there. If it had been Dani’s, she would have taken better care of it; she would have put it somewhere special in her room and made sure it could not get damaged by accident. She longed to take it to bed with her, keeping it switched on under the covers so that everything would be suffused with its magical light.
Gently, Dani switched if off and then on again; off and on. She waved it in the air, drawing an elegant curve as she whispered something under her breath – a magic spell in an invented language. How the others in her class at school would laugh at her if they saw her doing this – Dani was always going off in her own little world, and being teased for doing so.
‘What you doing with my toy?’
Dani jumped, and looked guiltily over her shoulder. Rebecca was standing there in her nightdress, an accusing look on her face.
‘Nothing. Nothing … I was just—’
‘Give it here.’ Dani’s foster sister lashed her arm out and grabbed the other end of the wand. It happened in a split second – the golden star at the end broke off in Rebecca’s hand, and the light was immediately extinguished, plunging the landing into a semi-darkness that was broken only by the light from the hallway downstairs. For a moment the two girls looked in silent horror at the broken toy, and Dani felt a twist of apprehension in the pit of her stomach.
She knew what was coming.
Sure enough, her ears were suddenly filled with the sound of Rebecca’s wailing scream. ‘Mum! Mum! Look what she’s done now, Mum!’ Then she threw the piece of the wand that was in her hand down to where Dani was kneeling.
Dani froze as she heard the sound of footsteps rushing up the stairs. The landing light was turned on and there she was, Dani’s foster mother, looking down on her as she held half the broken toy in her hand.
In her little mind, time seemed to stand still.
Then the air was full of screaming. ‘What the hell do you think you’re doing?’
Dani’s tongue seemed to stick in her throat, and her body started to shake as she tried to catch her breath. ‘I didn’t …’ she whispered.
Then