She wanted to hate him, but couldn’t, her heart skipping a beat as he passed. He walked through to the kitchen, ignoring her, and when he came out again, he barely glanced in her direction. Pearl’s eyes blurred with tears. It didn’t seem possible that he could ignore her after something so intimate had happened between them.
Kevin spoke to his father and then walked out of the café without a backward glance, leaving Pearl feeling sick inside. She’d been an idiot, a fool, but despite what he said, she had still clung to the hope that he loved her.
There was a knot of pain in Pearl’s stomach, but then she dashed at her tears, shoulders stiffening with resolve. This was another lesson, one she would never forget. She had let down her barriers – barriers put up long ago in the orphanage. She had allowed someone into her heart, and was now suffering for it. Never again. She would never let her barriers down again.
She was fond of Derek – Connie too – but she wouldn’t allow her feeling to go deeper than that. From now on, nobody would be able to hurt her.
For the rest of the shift Pearl did her work, but her smile was forced, and once or twice she saw Bernie looking at her worriedly. As soon as the lunchtime rush was over he called her to the counter.
‘You still look a bit rough. Go on home and I’ll help Alice to finish off the tables.’
Pearl thanked him, and though she wasn’t ill, she was glad to leave. She had been fighting all day to bury her feelings and now felt emotionally drained. ‘What about Mrs Dolby? Are you sure she won’t mind?’
‘You leave her to me. Now go on, get yourself home.’
Pearl pulled off her apron and was just leaving the café when she saw Kevin walking towards her. With her head down she made to walk past him, but this time he didn’t ignore her.
‘Well, Pearl. You’re quite the little celebrity now.’
‘Let me pass.’
‘Now then, don’t be hasty. I was just going to suggest that I pop up to see you again tonight.’
‘Wh … what?’
‘I said I’d like to see you again.’
She looked up at his handsome face and her stomach fluttered. ‘You … you said you don’t want a steady girlfriend.’
‘Yeah, that’s right, but we can still have a bit of fun on the side.’
Pearl’s hand flew to her mouth as she shoved past Kevin, flaying herself for once more letting him get through her defences. One look at his handsome face and her resolve crumbled. It had to stop – it had to. She was nearing Derek’s stall now and fought to pull herself together, forcing the mockery of a smile.
‘You look awful,’ Derek said. ‘Maybe you went back to work too soon. I’ll get someone to watch me stall and we’ll collect your stuff.’
‘I can’t face going to my room now. Can we collect my things later?’
‘Of course we can. Go on home and Connie will see you’re all right. I’ll pack up in about an hour.’
He leaned forward, giving her a peck on the cheek before she hurried away. Home, Derek had said. Oh, if only it could remain her home – a refuge where Kevin Dolby could never get near her again.
Pearl’s steps faltered. There was a way. Instead of waiting, she could marry Derek as soon as possible. As Pearl continued her journey, the thought became more and more compelling.
At eight o’clock, Pearl and Derek had collected her things, and now they were back in his house. It had been hard to return to her bedsit, but with so few belongings it hadn’t taken long to pack. Derek too had been impressed with her drawings, and was now urging her to show them to Connie.
She reluctantly pulled out her portfolio, and was amazed by Connie’s reaction. ‘Blimey, girl, this is a smashing one of Derek. It looks just like him.’
‘See, Pearl, I told you they’re good.’
‘Why don’t you sell them?’ Connie suggested.
Pearl’s stomach knotted. Kevin had said the same thing and she’d been so flattered, the memory of what happened afterwards making her flush with shame.
‘Gawd, look at her, Derek. She’s blushing. I ain’t kidding, Pearl. I reckon you could sell these and make yourself a few bob.’
‘Maybe. I … I’ll think about it.’
‘Pearl’s room wasn’t up to much, Gran. I’m sure she’ll be able to find something better.’
‘Of course she will, and it’s a shame we ain’t got a spare bedroom. It can’t be much fun sleeping on that sofa.’
‘It’s fine,’ Pearl said, ‘and it’s good of you to have me. I’ll find something else as soon as I can.’
‘What did Nobby Clark say when you told him you were leaving?’
‘He said he could see I wouldn’t want to live there now, and even gave me back my week’s deposit.’
‘Huh, that’s probably because Derek was with you. I wouldn’t trust Nobby as far as I could throw him. Anyway, Derek, how about taking Pearl’s stuff through to the front room, and then we’ll have a nice cuppa?’
‘I’ll make it,’ Pearl said, jumping to her feet, and as she began to prepare the brew, she felt at home in Connie’s kitchen. Once again she hardened her resolve. She would marry Derek, stay in this haven, and now all she had to do was encourage him to ask her.
On Friday, Frank Hanwell set up his stall again, but he was a different man. There were no more jokes, no ribald exchanges with his customers, and when he went into the café the other costermongers became strangely quiet, most keeping their heads down as Frank headed for one of Pearl’s tables.
‘Hello, Frank,’ she said quietly. ‘What can I get you?’
‘I’ll just have an egg and a couple of rashers of bacon.’
‘How’s Eric?’
Frank reached out to grasp her hand, his eyes agonised and his voice barely above a whisper. ‘He’s coming home next week, but he won’t let me near him. It’s almost as if he blames me for what happened. He’s so quiet, Pearl, but it’s his eyes that get to me. They look blank, as though my son is dead inside.’
Pearl returned the pressure of Frank’s hand, floundering for something to say. She felt so inadequate, so unworldly, and could find no words of wisdom to comfort the man.
‘It’s early days yet,’ was all she could come up with, and after writing his order, she rushed to the kitchen. For a moment she stood just inside the door, reliving that awful moment when she first found Eric.
‘What’s the matter, girl?
‘Oh, I’m sorry, Mrs Dolby. I’ve just taken Frank Hanwell’s order and—’
‘Christ, no wonder you look upset. How is he?’
‘He looks awful. He told me about Eric, and … and I didn’t know what to say to him.’
‘I’m surprised he spoke to you about it,’ Gertie said as she joined them. ‘He’s hardly said a word to anyone since it happened.’
‘Maybe it’s because Pearl found the lad,’ Dolly said, rushing back to the stove to save some sausages before they blackened. ‘We can’t talk now,’ she said impatiently. ‘Pull yourself together, Pearl, and get on with your work.’
Gertie threw her a smile of sympathy before hurrying away and, taking a deep breath, Pearl picked up a