‘You don’t need me to walk you home – there’s no point in both of us freezing – and I ain’t too pleased about all this either. I was hoping to tap my mother for a few bob, but I ain’t got a hope in hell now.’
She nodded, just wanting to get away from Kevin and his nasty mood. He was upset, and she couldn’t blame him, but as he closed the door behind her, she almost ran back to Bessie’s.
Bessie was sitting by the fire, one side of her face red from the heat.
‘Blimey, what’s up, love?’
There was concern and sympathy in the old woman’s eyes and seeing this, Pearl flopped onto a chair. She then spilled her misery out in a torrent – the run-in with Connie Lewis, followed by what had happened at the registry office.
Bessie said nothing, letting her cry until there were just juddering sobs. She then leaned forward, saying softly, ‘Come on now. A solicitor will soon sort things out.’
Pearl drew in another shuddering breath. ‘If he doesn’t, it’s no more than I deserve.’
‘Don’t be silly. You can’t beat yourself up over the things Connie Lewis said.
‘She’s right. I … I’m not a nice person.’
‘Rubbish. You were only a child in that orphanage and did what you had to in order to survive. It doesn’t make you a bad person.’
Pearl looked tiredly at Bessie. ‘But I still carried on when I left. I wanted protection and Derek seemed an ideal choice.’
‘Gawd, love, I wish you’d stop being so hard on yourself. When you left the orphanage you were still a youngster and had to strike out on your own. You came to a new area without any friends or family, and of course you were nervous. It’s a bit rough around here and it ain’t surprising that you felt the need for someone to look out for you.’
‘But that doesn’t make it right.’
‘I’m not saying it does, I’m just saying it’s understandable. Listen, girl, we all make mistakes, but hopefully we learn from them. You’ve had a hard lesson and you can let it sink you, or you can take it on board and grow.’
‘How can I do that when I’ve ruined Derek’s life?’
‘Look, you can’t change what’s happened. Derek will get over it in time, and, who knows, eventually he might meet someone else.’
‘Oh, I hope so, Bessie.’
‘He’s a nice bloke, and though not much to look at, I’m sure someone out there will appreciate his good nature. Now come on, buck yourself up. As I said, you’ve had a hard lesson, one to teach you that you can’t hide behind someone else. You’ve got to stand on your own two feet.’
Pearl’s nod of agreement was half-hearted. It was impossible – she’d never have the courage. It was women she feared now, especially the likes of Connie Lewis, Mo Price and her future mother-in-law. Oh, if only she could get Dolly to like her, to establish a good relationship. Nobody messed with Dolly and it would be wonderful to have the woman batting on her side.
Derek Lewis stepped out of the dark doorway, the lamplight hitting his face as he threw a last glance up at Bessie’s window before moving away. He was being stupid, he knew that, but was unable to stop himself from shadowing Pearl. She hadn’t left Bessie’s house during the whole weekend, but still he’d watched.
When Pearl emerged that morning, he’d only had a brief glimpse of her before she ran into the café. Then when she finished her shift he’d been horrified to see his gran attacking her. He’d stepped in to break it up, but Pearl hadn’t even looked his way, and that had hurt. Christ, he was being a mug and he knew that, but he just couldn’t get Pearl out of his mind.
Everyone was now saying that Pearl was a tart, and she was pregnant to prove it, but he still had doubts. He wanted a word with Kevin, to hear his side of the story, but the bastard was keeping his head down. Derek threw a look towards the café, and his shoulders lifted. There he was now, and moving swiftly Derek covered the distance between them.
‘I want a word with you,’ he growled.
‘Look, Derek, none of this was my fault,’ Kevin said hastily.
‘Yeah, that’s what I’ve been told, but I’d like to hear it from you. If you’re so innocent, how come you’ve been avoiding me?’
‘I haven’t. I just didn’t want to rub salt in the wound, that’s all. Christ, mate, we go back years and I knew how cut up you’d be.’
‘Yeah, right, so how come you had it off with my girl?’
‘’Cos, like you, I was taken for a mug. Pearl told me that it was over between the two of you, and I believed her.’
‘You could have checked that with me first.’
‘Yeah, maybe, but at the time she was stripping off, and naked Pearl’s hard to resist. She threw herself at me like a cat on heat.’
Derek pictured the scene, feeling sick to his stomach, but then shook his head in denial. ‘That doesn’t sound like Pearl.’
‘I was shocked too. She looks such an innocent, but she ain’t, mate, and if you must know, I wasn’t the first either.’
‘You … you mean …?’
‘Yeah, believe me, she was no virgin.’
Derek found himself gawking. ‘Are you sure?’
‘I’ve had enough women to know.’
Yeah, Derek thought, that was true enough. With his looks, Kevin had never been short of women. Everyone was right then: Pearl was a tart. He felt a wave of disgust. ‘Christ, I could do with a drink.’
‘Come on, I’ll buy you a pint,’ Kevin said. ‘I could do with one too, and you should think yourself lucky. At least you ain’t stuck with marrying her.’
‘Yeah, I’m beginning to think you’re right,’ Derek said, deciding that Kevin was welcome to her, yet even as this thought crossed his mind he knew it would still take him a long time to get over Pearl Button.
When Pearl saw a solicitor, there had been no swift solution. He had written to the orphanage and was now awaiting their reply. He also advised that without a birth certificate, the only way forward was to swear an affidavit. When asking what this meant, he explained that it was a sworn oath, in his presence, that she was the person she claimed to be. It sounded a daft procedure to Pearl, but one that she complied with.
It was now the eve of Christmas and Pearl was on her way to work, something she dreaded every day. As she scuttled out of Bessie’s door and into the market, she kept her head low, but as usual there were murmurs as soon as the costermongers saw her. She glanced up from under her lashes, saw Derek turn his back as she passed, the man beside him doing the same. Derek would never forgive her – Dolly’s story had seen to that – but she missed him and his gran.
To keep Kevin safe she had gone along with Dolly’s lies, but it didn’t seem possible that only a short time ago she had felt a part of this community. Now she was an outcast. A costermonger hawked, the globule landing in front of Pearl’s feet, and as she began to run, her stomach heaved.
‘Yeah, that’s it, do a runner, and keep going until you’re out of Battersea,’ the man shouted.
‘Yeah, you tell her, Billy,’ a woman customer cried.
Still fleeing, Pearl flung open the door of the café, almost falling inside. She didn’t stop until she reached the kitchen, her breath coming in gasps as she pulled up in front of Dolly.
‘Huh,