mouth to speak, but she interrupted. ‘I’m sorry. I must go now.’ Bye, Derek,’ she blurted, hurrying away.
Pearl rushed to the chemist, saddened by her encounter with Derek. She had opened up old wounds for him, seen his pain. Oh, if only they didn’t have to see each other, if only she and Kevin could move from this area. Kevin’s nerves had been bad and he had given up looking for work, but he was recovering, and now maybe she could broach the subject again.
Another week passed. Pearl had been home for over two weeks now and disturbed by her’s movements, Kevin turned over in bed. He forced his eyes open to glance at the clock. Bloody hell, it wasn’t even four in the morning and he didn’t know how she got up this early to start work.
‘Kevin! Kevin, where’s the baby?’
He ignored the panic in her voice, saying impatiently, ‘In his bleeding cot. Where do you think?’
‘He isn’t. It’s empty.’
‘What!’ He swung his legs over the side of the bed, his mind jumbled before he had a coherent thought. ‘Maybe Mum’s got him.’
Their eyes met, and without another word they made for Dolly’s room.
As Kevin opened the door, all he could see were two humps in the bed and his heart began to thump in panic.
‘Mum, wake up!’ he shouted. ‘Johnny isn’t in his cot.’
‘Bloody hell, where’s the fire,’ Dolly grumbled as she turned onto her back. ‘I heard him crying in the night again so I brought him in with me.’ She moved the blankets to reveal Johnny snuggled by her side.
‘Christ, Mum, you frightened the life out of us.’
‘Well, that’s nice, ain’t it? I thought I’d give Pearl the chance of a good night’s sleep and this is the thanks I get.’
‘Yeah, sorry, Mum,’ Kevin said, his heart calming down. ‘It was good of you.’
‘I’d better give him his bottle before I start work,’ Pearl said as she stepped forward.
‘He’s already had it, and I’ve changed his nappy. The poor little mite was soaking wet,’ Dolly said reproachfully, and then her tone broaching no argument she added, ‘he can stay with me and you can put the kettle on.’ Kevin glared at his wife, his voice equally harsh. ‘You daft cow Pearl. I’m going back to bed and I don’t appreciate being woken up for nothing.’
Pearl saw her husband storm off, and chastened by both him and his mother, she headed for the kitchen. Whilst waiting for the kettle to boil, she had a quick wash, finding her breasts hard and painful, engorged with milk as she gingerly took off her nightdress. Tears filled her eyes as a feeling of helplessness washed over her. In the short time she’d been home from the hospital, Dolly had taken over her son, so much so that she hardly felt that Johnny was hers. Even his name had been Dolly’s choice, Kevin happily falling in with his mother’s suggestion.
The kettle began to whistle, and hurriedly throwing on her dressing gown, Pearl rushed to make the tea, carrying two cups through to Dolly’s bedroom as soon as it had brewed.
‘About time too,’ her mother-in-law complained.
‘Morning, Pearl,’ Bernie said, but his eyes were on the baby snuggled between them. ‘Look at him, he’s spark out, but how come he’s in with us every morning?’
It was Dolly who answered, ‘The poor little nipper was screaming his lungs out, but as usual Pearl didn’t hear him. Honestly, I don’t know how she sleeps through it. I always heard Kevin when he was a baby.’
Unable to believe that she’d failed to hear Johnny crying again, Pearl’s eyes filled with tears. What sort of mother was she?
‘Get going, girl,’ Dolly snapped. ‘There’s work to be done, but you’re standing there like a tit in a trance.’
Pearl nodded, throwing one last glance at her son before leaving the room. He looked so snug and cute sandwiched between her in-laws, but her arms ached to hold him, to console him for not hearing his cries. Pearl dashed her tears away. The sooner she prepared the vegetables, the sooner she’d be back again and for a while she’d have Johnny to herself. She hurriedly dressed and, without bothering to drink her tea, dashed downstairs.
That afternoon, when she finished cooking the vegetables, and despite Dolly’s scowl, Pearl went across to see Bessie, the woman smiling as she went into the shop.
‘Hello, love,’ she said, moving to look into the pram, her face soft as she gazed at Johnny. ‘He’s thriving.’
‘Yes, and it seems Dolly was right about putting him on the bottle.’
‘If you say so. Anyway, what’s up, love? You seem a bit down in the mouth.’
‘Nothing really.’
‘Don’t give me that. Now come on, tell me what the problem is.’
Pearl sighed. ‘It’s just that I don’t hear Johnny crying in the night and I feel like a useless mother.’
‘Considering that you have to be up at four in the morning, it ain’t surprising.’
‘Dolly said she never failed to hear Kevin when he was a baby.’
‘Huh, I can see she’s still holding herself up as a saint.’
‘She wakes for Johnny, and I don’t.’
‘If you ask me, you shouldn’t have to work in the café. When is Kevin going to get a job?’
‘I don’t know. I mentioned it yesterday, but he said his nerves are still bad.’
‘Huh, nerves my arse.’
‘Oh, Bessie, don’t be like that. I’m sure as soon as he’s able, he’ll find work.’
The door opened, a woman coming in.
‘Hello, Tessa,’ Bessie said. ‘What have you got for me?’
‘A really nice coat,’ she said, laying a parcel on the counter.
Bessie opened the package, the smell arising awful. She held it up, her nose wrinkling. ‘Sorry, love, but I can only give you a tanner for it.’
‘All right, and thanks,’ Tessa said, her hand held out.
Bessie gave her the money, and Pearl shook her head as the woman left the shop. ‘That coat’s only fit for the dustbin. Why on earth did you buy it?’
‘Tessa’s struggling. Her son used to look after her, but he’s just been sent down for six months.’
‘What did he do?’
‘A bit of petty thieving. He’ll see me all right when he comes out again and, in the meantime, us locals will keep an eye on Tessa.’
Pearl nodded, used now to the ways of the area. She still felt like an outcast, and missed the easy camaraderie she used to have with the costermongers. They didn’t cut her dead now, and some stopped her to have a look at the baby, but others still refused to speak.
Pearl glanced at the clock. ‘I’d best get back or Dolly will go on the warpath.’
‘Christ, girl, you’ve hardly been here for five minutes.’
‘I know, but when the café closes she likes to spend time with Johnny.’
‘Whose baby is he? Yours or Dolly Dolby’s?’
‘He’s mine, of course, but I don’t want to get on her bad side.’
‘Pearl, when are you going to stand up for yourself?’
‘Stop worrying, I’m fine,’ Pearl lied. ‘I’ll see you soon, but I must go.’
Bessie didn’t look convinced, but Pearl ignored this