carrying his children and soon they would be a happy little family. Something he’d never really been a part of. Next to his wife, the Laurens of the world were ten a penny. Simon glanced over at her and she gave him a slow, sexy smile. He smiled back, but that was all she was getting from him. Simon followed Giles to the poker table.
A few hours later, he’d stopped smiling.
Paddling in the Atlantic in late March is not something I would go in for normally, but Demi’s enthusiasm won’t let me sit on the dunes huddled in my duffle coat. A duffle coat and a blanket, to be exact, because my coat will no longer fasten over my bump. So here I am, ankle deep in the surf and actually loving it. The biting cold has subsided and it feels almost warm.
‘So refreshing, isn’t it?’ Demi asks, rolling up the hem of her jeans, which are already damp.
‘Actually, yes it is. Makes you feel alive and connected to nature,’ I say, looking at a fishing boat, a red splash on the horizon.
‘It does; told you it would do you good. Wash all that city pollution out of your skin.’
Talk of the city brings an image of my husband’s disgruntled face to mind, soft grey eyes steely with contempt. He wasn’t best pleased the other night when I told him I wanted to stay until tomorrow. I don’t normally go against his wishes, but I’m just not ready to go back yet. I think it might be that I am at the nesting stage, and nests are built at home. I never think of London as my home, but I’d never tell Simon that of course. Also, I wanted to spend another day with my bestie. It’s been far too long… and I am happier being here with her than I have been in a long time, if I’m honest with myself. I don’t usually allow that – honesty. It’s no good for me.
‘You okay?’ Demi asks and splashes a few droplets of seawater at me. I raise a quizzical eyebrow. ‘Well, you look kind of far away.’
‘I was back in London, so yes, I was.’
Demi frowns. ‘Hmm. We can’t have that, can we? Right, first one back to the beach chairs eats all the Scotch eggs and sandwiches!’ She takes off like a hare towards the dunes, sending her laughter back to taunt me.
‘Hey, that’s not fair! I have a lot to carry, you know!’
The sea air gives me an appetite and before I know it there’s just a few crumbs left at the bottom of the sandwich container. With a sigh I lean back in my beach chair, stretch out my long legs, rest my feet on a rock and sip my tea. This is the life. Contentment builds a home in my chest and seeps through the rest of me until I am truly relaxed. Any thought of a return to London is absolutely banished to the darkest recesses of my mind, and all I can see is sunshine, sea and sky. Oh, and Demi’s daft grin as she brings her face close to mine.
‘You look so much better for being out in the elements.’
I laugh. ‘You make it sound as if we’re on the top of Mount Everest or something.’
‘Well, you do have a mountain for a tummy these days.’
We laugh and I pretend to strangle her. Then we do synchronised tea sipping for a while in a comfortable silence.
‘Do you ever think about Jowan?’ Demi asks in a quiet voice and the silence turns uncomfortable as I struggle for an answer. Why the hell did she have to spoil the day with that?
I sigh. ‘Why do you ask?’
‘Just wondering… childhood sweethearts do tend to have a special place in a girl’s heart, I hear.’ She digs her toes into the sand and looks away from me up the beach.
‘Sometimes, I guess. But he smashed up that special place when he buggered off and left me for the army.’
‘That’s why you went to London, isn’t it – to heal your heart and forget him?’
‘You know it is.’ Why the hell she’s bringing this up, I have no idea.
‘Hmm.’
‘Hmm, what?’
‘So if he hadn’t gone in the army, do you reckon you’d be together now?’
Oh, for God’s sake. ‘How do I know? Yes. No.’ I lift my arms and let my hands fall to my thighs with a slap. ‘Who bloody knows!’
‘You seem to be getting a bit pissed off… a sure sign you still have feelings for him,’ Demi says, scrutinising my face.
‘That’s rubbish. I just can’t see the point in bringing all that up now. It’s ancient history.’ I bite the inside of my cheek to dislodge an image of Jowan’s smiley face, mop of blond curls and sky-blue eyes.
‘Four years ago is hardly ancient.’ Demi gives a wistful smile and puts her hand on my arm. ‘I guess he’s on my mind because he’s back. Saw him in the bank yesterday actually.’
Jowan’s back? To my surprise my stomach does the little roll of excitement it used to do when I thought of him. My heart rate steps up a pace too, but I take a breath and make my voice behave itself. ‘He was visiting his family then? Home on leave?’
‘No, he’s bought himself out of the army. He said it was the worst mistake of his life; just did it to prove himself to his dad and wished to God that he could turn back time.’
I can feel Demi’s eyes on me, so I send my gaze to the thin navy line that divides sea from sky. A flurry of unbidden thoughts are coming from different directions, smashing into each other, past and present, a tumult of emotions mirroring the pattern of waves bashing against the rocks in front of me. Eventually I say, ‘Well, don’t we all wish we could go back sometimes? Do things a different way? A better way?’
Demi nods. ‘He said that he misses you every day and wishes you were still together. Said he was a fucking idiot to leave you.’
I look at her to see if she is messing about but she’s deadly serious. ‘Really?’
‘Yeah. He knew you’d moved away, of course. Your mum told his mum that you were married. He didn’t know about the babies though – I told him. He said that I should tell you he’s glad for you and wishes you all the happiness in the world.’
The breeze picks up and I look into it and away from Demi to let the moisture dry my eyes. The trouble is, more tears are waiting. I don’t need this. Not now. I can’t think about Jowan. My heart can’t take it.
‘Holly? Are you crying?’
‘No, of course not,’ I say briskly and begin to gather the picnic things. ‘The wind is making my eyes water. Let’s go back to the house now. I’m getting chilly.’
‘Hot chocolate is just the thing for shock,’ Demi says and places a steaming mug in front of me on the balcony table. The clouds have rolled themselves across every inch of blue sky and we are wrapped in blankets, eating biscuits and watching the brave souls still on the beach.
‘I think you’ll find that’s hot, sweet tea. And I’m not in shock.’
Demi looks into her mug. Hot, sweet tea? No, it’s definitely hot chocolate.’
‘I meant that…’ The mischief in her eyes stop my words. It’s usually me that does the winding up.
She points a digestive at me and then dunks it into the mug. ‘Got you there. Makes a change.’
‘Yep. So how’s the jewellery business going? You haven’t said much about it.’
‘Really unsubtle way of changing the subject, Hols.’
I sigh. Demi is really beginning to get on my nerves now. ‘Unsubtle or not, I’d really rather talk about your life for a bit. You said the other day that your new guy might be moving here. Any more developments?’ I take a drink of the hot chocolate and push another image of