tablespoons of water. Season and cook for 10 minutes until browned, stirring occasionally. Meanwhile, put the chilli flakes, rosemary, parsley, paprika and lemon zest into a food processor.
Tip the cooked aubergine into the food processor and wipe out the pan with kitchen paper. Return to a low heat. Heat the remaining tablespoon of oil, add the onion and the garlic and fry for 5–7 minutes. Tip into the food processor and blitz everything into a rough purée. Add the breadcrumbs and blitz again. Chill in the fridge for at least 20 minutes.
Line a baking tray with foil and lightly grease. Wet your hands and roll the mixture into 22 ping-pong-sized balls. Now, lay them on the lined tray, cover them with cling film and leave in the fridge or freezer until you’re ready to cook. The following recipes require the balls to be uncooked but you can cook them straight away and eat as you like. Simply preheat the oven to 180°C/350°F/Gas mark 4 and bake the tray of meatballs in the hot oven for 30–35 minutes.
To freeze
Lay the balls on a tray, cover with cling film and place in the freezer until frozen. You can then tip them into a freezer bag. Label with the recipe name and the date made, then place in the freezer and use within 3 months. Defrost in the fridge; overnight is fine, or take them out in the morning and they’ll be defrosted once you’re ready to make dinner.
To chill
If you don’t want to freeze them, the balls are fine, uncooked, for 3 days in the fridge. Keep them covered, then, when ready to eat them, bake as above.
Mean feat no-meat meatballs
In a wrap with hummous, soft herbs, toasted pine nuts and yoghurt
I’ve not included exact quantities for the toppings because it’s really up to you. Use all or some of these, pile up as much as you like and make your own Wrap of Dreams. Cooling yoghurt and some sort of hot sauce are pretty essential in my opinion and I love to use loads of herbs, almost as a salad rather than a garnish. Swap hummous for aïoli if you’ve made some and, if you’re really hungry, add a couple of slices of seared halloumi to make this even better!
Serves 1
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olive oil, for greasing
3 uncooked Mean Feat No-meat Meatballs
1 tsp pine nuts
1 large flatbread, wrap or pitta bread
a dollop of hummous
a couple of leaves of little gem lettuce, shredded
a dollop of natural yoghurt
1 tbsp chopped mint, coriander and flat-leaf parsley leaves
pomegranate molasses and/or chilli sauce, for drizzling (optional)
Preheat the oven to 180°C/350°F/Gas mark 4.
Line a baking tray with foil and grease with the olive oil. Stick the meatballs on the tray and cook in the hot oven for 30–35 minutes.
When the balls are nearly done, toast the pine nuts in a dry frying pan over a medium heat for 1–2 minutes until golden brown, shaking the pan often. Tip into a bowl and return the pan to the heat. Warm the flatbread, wrap or pitta through in the pan on both sides. Smear the hummous over the middle of the flatbread or wrap (if using a pitta, carefully slice open and spread the hummous inside). Pile the shredded lettuce onto the flatbread or wrap, or stuff into the pitta. Remove the balls from the oven and sit on top of the lettuce. Add the yoghurt, top with the chopped herbs and toasted pine nuts, drizzle with a little pomegranate molasses or chilli sauce (if using), then roll up and shove in your face.
Mean feat no-meat meatballs
With tomato-butter sauce and pasta
I found a pasta shape called ‘fusilli lunghi bucati’ when I first made this dish and it’s the most ridiculous thing: very thin, tightly curled tubes, about 60cm long. If you can find it, I highly recommend it for a bit of fun, but I think linguine or spaghetti would be my next choice.
The sauce is based on the famous Marcella Hazan recipe for tomato sauce. Whereas Hazan discards the onion half before serving, I like to keep the onion and blitz the whole lot. Don’t reduce the amount of butter. You’ll thank me.
Serves 2
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1 x 400g tin plum tomatoes
50g salted butter
½ onion, peeled, unchopped
6–10 uncooked Mean Feat No-meat Meatballs, depending on how hungry you are
pasta (spaghetti, linguine, fettucine … whatever kind you like and as much as you want)
2 tsp extra-virgin olive oil, plus extra for greasing
flaked sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
a few fresh basil leaves, to serve
finely chopped rosemary leaves, to serve
Parmesan cheese, to serve
Preheat the oven to 180°C/350°F/Gas mark 4. Line a baking tray with foil and grease with a little olive oil.
To make the sauce, tip the whole tin of tomatoes into a small saucepan. Add the butter, the onion half (unchopped) and a big pinch of flaked sea salt. Place over a medium heat until it starts to blip, then turn the heat right down. Cook for 45 minutes, uncovered, stirring occasionally and mashing up the tomato with the back of a spatula.
After the sauce has been cooking for a few minutes, stick the meatballs on the lined tray and bake in the hot oven for 30–35 minutes. While the meatballs are baking in the oven and the sauce is bubbling away, cook the pasta according to the packet instructions.
After the sauce has been cooking for 45 minutes, use a hand-held blender to blitz the whole lot, onion and all.
Drain the pasta, drizzle with the olive oil and place on plates or in shallow bowls. Place the cooked balls on top and cover the whole lot with sauce.
Sprinkle over the herbs, grate over some Parmesan and season with lots of black pepper … use any or all of these to make it just how you like it. Devour.
Mean feat no-meat meatballs
Squished into a burger, in a bun with Dan’s Fry Sauce
One of my biggest peeves as a non-meat eater is restaurants thinking that if you want a burger, you want a wholemeal bun and none of the good stuff. If I want a burger I want it ALL, just not the meat. I want cheese (there’s a time and place for sliced cheese and it’s here and now), I want pickles, I want lettuce and I want plenty of sauce. My mate Dan created this ‘Fry Sauce’ recipe. Originating in Utah, this is used as a sauce in burgers, as a dip for fries and even as a dressing for salad. The standard version is simply one part ketchup to two parts mayonnaise (so that’s basically prawn cocktail sauce, right?), but most burger joints have their own closely guarded recipes, with additional bits. Inspired, Dan knocked up his own version, which is, as he would say, ‘frigging superb’. Tangy and spicy, yet smooth.
Serves 4
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2 tsp olive oil, plus extra for greasing
12 uncooked Mean Feat No-meat Meatballs
4 burger buns
a few leaves of little