us time?’ Stephanie asked, slightly dismayed that Wayne hadn’t done somersaults over her romantic suggestion.
‘Yeah, course I do. I just thought, if we ain’t in no rush, we could have a bottle of champagne first.’
Stephanie smiled. ‘OK, whatever.’
Within five minutes of arriving at the wake, Marlene and Marge clocked Donkey Dave heading towards them.
‘Nice to see you again, Marlene. I’m so sorry for your loss. How have you been coping?’ Dave asked, completely ignoring Marge’s presence.
‘Fucking brilliantly! Her partner gets his brains blown out right in front of her, so how do you think she’s coping?’ Marge asked, sarcastically. Dave had nearly ripped her insides in half, so how dare he bloody blank her as though she were invisible?
‘You look well, Marge. Have you lost some weight?’ Dave asked, mockingly. She looked even more obese than when he had shagged her.
‘No I ain’t, you cheeky bastard. Look, we don’t wanna talk to you, so why don’t you go and nuisance somebody else?’ Marge replied, glaring at him.
‘I don’t particularly want to talk to you either, but I was asked to come over here by the family to politely ask the pair of yous to leave.’
‘I beg your fucking pardon?’ Marlene asked. She was absolutely astounded.
‘Jake’s family arranged this wake as a private function for their close friends and family, and yous two are neither,’ Dave said bluntly.
‘You cheeky fucking wanker,’ Marge screamed.
Dave held his hands up, palms facing outwards. ‘Listen, this has nothing to do with me, I’m just the mug that’s been asked to give out the orders. If it were up to me, you could both stay, but it ain’t.’
‘Go and find my Barry, Marge,’ Marlene ordered. Barry hadn’t wanted to attend the wake, but Marlene had begged him to. Now he had disappeared, which was just like her son. He was never there when you needed him. When Marge stomped off, Marlene turned back to Donkey Dave. ‘You can go back over there and tell Jake’s family of grim reapers that I ain’t going fucking nowhere.’
Marge returned a couple of minutes later with Barry in tow and two large glasses of wine in her hand. Marlene snatched at the wine, downed it in one and grabbed another off a nearby table. ‘I have never been so insulted in all of my life. I’m fucking going over there in a minute to give them cunts a piece of my mind. Who do they think they are, eh?’ she said to Barry.
‘Why don’t we just go, eh Mum? I said it was a bad idea us coming here, so why don’t I take you and Marge for a nice meal somewhere? We can have a toast for Jake there, can’t we?’
‘If I’m gonna leave then I’m leaving in style,’ Marlene announced, pushing her son out of the way.
‘Go with her, Marge,’ Barry ordered. He knew what an acid tongue his mother possessed and there was no way he was embarrassing himself by standing in on one of her little slanging matches. A man of his ilk did not get involved in crap like that.
Miranda and Isabelle, Jake’s daughters, and his ex-wife, Anne, looked at Marlene in horror as vulgar words and insults spewed out of her mouth. They had never seen or met Marlene before, but every vile description they had ever been given of the woman was actually worse in the flesh.
‘I want you to leave now. You’re upsetting my daughters and making a complete show of yourself and us at the same time,’ Anne said coldly.
‘Making a show of myself! You’ve got some brass neck, you have, and so have them two ugly fuckers,’ Marlene said, pointing at Jake’s daughters. ‘None of you would give my Jakey the time of day when he were alive, you all hated him, so what you making yourself busy at his fucking funeral for, eh?’
‘How dare you call my daughters ugly, you tasteless old tart, and for your information, my daughters spoke to their father regularly, way before his death. Whenever he was over in England, Jake would visit them and me. For my girls’ sakes, I decided to put any grievances I had with Jake to one side. He was their dad, after all.’
‘You lying fucking whore. My Jakey would have told me if he had visited you or them. I ain’t stupid, you know. I know exactly why you’ve reared your ugly, venomous heads now. It’s because you’re hoping to cop some money in his will, that’s why.’
‘I want you to leave this very minute,’ Anne’s brother demanded, grabbing Marlene by the arm.
‘Get off her,’ Marge screamed, throwing a right hander Thomas’s way and catching him full on the chin.
When Thomas went sprawling, all hell broke loose, and Barry had no option but to run over to the fracas to try and rescue his mother.
‘I loved my Jakey with all of my heart and I’ve been treated worse than a leper today by everybody. I hope you’re all ashamed of yourselves,’ Marlene screamed, as her son dragged her out of the building.
‘Marlene will have the last laugh, you bunch of no-good cunts,’ Marge shouted, before Barry bundled her out through the door as well.
‘What is the matter with yous two? I have never felt so embarrassed in all my life,’ Barry said.
‘Shut it, you soppy bastard. You might think you’re upper class now, boy, ’cause you have a few bob in your pocket and a posh tart on the go, but you ain’t. I’m your mother and I know exactly what you are.’
‘And what’s that meant to mean? On second thoughts, don’t even bother telling me. Just get in the car, will you?’ Barry said. He hated his mother in drink; she was an arrogant cow and he couldn’t be bothered arguing with her, today of all days.
Marge got into the back of the car with Marlene. ‘Well, you said if you had to leave you were going in style, and you sure did that, mate,’ she said, laughing.
Marlene wasn’t in a very jovial mood. All she could think of was what Anne had told her and she didn’t like it one little bit. ‘Did you know anything about Jake being back in contact with his daughters, Barry? I know he used to talk to you.’
‘He never said anything to me about it. His ex-old woman was probably just trying to wind you up.’
‘That woman was a fucking liar, mate. Don’t be listening to anything she said,’ Marge assured her friend.
‘Well, she had better be lying, because if I find out that shrivel-cocked, good-for-nothing old bastard has left his family one penny in his will, as God’s my judge, I will go ballistic.’
Back in Chigwell, Stephanie and Wayne had just finished making love. ‘I don’t arf love you,’ Stephanie said, as Wayne rolled off her.
‘And I love you too,’ Wayne replied, getting out of bed and putting his jeans on.
‘Don’t get up yet. Let’s have a cuddle for a bit,’ Stephanie said, grabbing Wayne’s hand.
‘I need to shoot down the gym, babe. I just wanna check that everything’s OK.’
‘But you said you were taking the day off,’ Steph replied miserably.
Wayne smiled, leant across the bed and kissed his wife-to-be. ‘I have taken the day off, you dopey cow. It’s nearly five o’clock and you need to pick our kids up. I’ll be back by the time you get back.’
Stephanie grinned. She’d had such a fabulous day alone with Wayne, she didn’t want it to end. ‘Go on then, sod off and leave me,’ she joked.
Wayne laughed. ‘You should be so lucky. You’re stuck with me for the rest of your life, sweetheart.’
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Stephanie felt anything but excited as she got ready for her hen night the following