Tony’s sake and because she didn’t want to spoil her own holiday. But since Marie had confessed her shocking secret, some weeks after her affair with Tony, Eileen had found it difficult even to think of Marie.
Eileen could remember that day as vividly as if it was yesterday. Marie had gone to visit her – she had been out of her mind with guilt and worry. She confessed she’d become pregnant by Tony and, for all their sakes, she had taken the drastic and criminal decision to bring an end to the entire, unfortunate matter.
Eileen had been utterly distraught and to this day had avoided ever seeing Marie again. Now Marie was back in their lives, bringing the past back like a ghost. What exactly did she want? The unanswered questions haunted Eileen. The worry she’d kept the secret from her own husband all these years troubled her.
It was true that there was a time when Eileen would have welcomed Marie with open arms; but not now. Not after what she had done.
Over the past two days, Eileen had actually come to wonder whether Marie was here for one purpose only: to entice Tony into her arms for a second time! But, no, she’d hardly have written asking to meet them both if that were the case. Nor would she try to seduce Tony while he was on holiday with his wife. The only way to get at the truth, Eileen decided, was to ask Marie directly. But, before she could put her question, Marie turned to her. ‘Eileen, I want to ask you something.’ She paused to take a nervous breath before going on. ‘Promise you won’t get upset, because I honestly don’t want to cause any trouble.’
‘Oh, really?’ Eileen looked her in the eye. ‘Don’t you think that’s a bit late after what you did?’
‘I just want to say how sorry I am, about what happened between me and, well, you know what I’m saying, don’t you?’ Under Eileen’s hard and disapproving stare, Marie was losing her nerve again.
‘Well, come on then!’ Eileen knew exactly what Marie was trying to say. ‘Let’s get it over with. You mean you’re sorry for having a fling with my husband. But you already told me that long ago, and I don’t want to hear it again. Tony was a fool, a man flattered by your attentions. He had no love for you. Yes, he did a foolish, and disgraceful thing, but it was you who threw yourself at him, didn’t you? You saw how much he loved me, and you wanted him all for yourself.’
Leaning closer to Marie, she lowered her voice to a whisper. ‘It took me a long time, but I forgave him because he was a man swayed by a woman who knew what she wanted and used her womanly wiles to get it … whatever the damage it might cause to my marriage!’
Shaking her head, she moved forward and continued in a whisper, ‘Tony was snared by you. You saw him, and you took him, and you didn’t give a damn whether my marriage or our friendship was torn apart or not!’
When Marie tried to speak, Eileen firmly shook her head. ‘I don’t want to hear your excuses. It took a while but I finally believed him when he insisted that he was sorry. That he was ashamed and needed my forgiveness.’
When Marie lowered her gaze, Eileen hissed in her ear, ‘Tony will be back any minute with the rest of our luggage, and I don’t want him to hear what we’re talking about. He is a good man. All right, he did a bad thing, he made one mistake, but you went for him, you set your cap at him, and you meant to take him away from me. Be honest … wasn’t that the case?’
‘No! Believe me, Eileen, I never intended to take him away from you. It was an emotional moment, a mad moment of loneliness. My Derek had died just two months before and I was a mess. I needed to talk to you. It was you I came to see, Eileen – my one and only friend – and I so needed you. But you weren’t there, and Tony was, and I was distraught.’
Recalling the occasion with embarrassment and guilt, she fought back the tears. ‘I’m so sorry … I truly am. Please, Eileen … please believe me, it was a moment of grief and emotion … I was in a bad place. Oh, Eileen! If I could turn the clock back, I would, I swear!
‘But I needed help, and Tony comforted me, and yes, I held onto him. It was a fleeting, crazy thing we did, but at the end of the day it meant nothing. It was wrong, it was never meant to happen.’ When she reached out to take Eileen’s hand, Eileen moved it away.
Looking Marie in the eye, she told her firmly, ‘Tony is my world. I know how a woman can seduce a man if she wants him badly enough. I forgave Tony, eventually, but we were miles apart for a long time. We nearly broke up. For months I agonised about you and Tony, but because I love him I was desperate to put it all behind us which we have now.’ In a low, trembling voice, she admitted, ‘I honestly did try to forgive you too, but in the end I couldn’t do it because of what you confessed to me about the baby and how you dealt with it … I never imagined you could ever do that!’
After a moment, her voice shaking with emotion, she went on softly, ‘Even though it was a long time ago … it still shocks me! I really did think about whether we could mend bridges on this holiday, but your confession kept coming back to haunt me – about the pregnancy and the decision to end your unborn child’s life. How could you do it, Marie? How could you? It was Tony’s child too! You at least should have talked it through with him. Why didn’t you come to me before you did it? Why didn’t you tell me what you were planning to do? We were friends.’
‘I wanted to tell you, but I was so afraid, so hopelessly mixed up. I was going out of my mind, Eileen. It was never meant to happen. I was a woman over forty. I had lost my Derek just months before. One minute he was there – my haven – and then he was gone, and I was hopelessly lost. My whole life was suddenly turned upside down. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t work. I got behind with the mortgage. I was ashamed to tell my daughter. And then I could not even afford to keep the house.’
All the bad memories came rushing back. ‘I tried and struggled, and there was nowhere to turn. And then, not realising I was pregnant, but knowing I was finding things increasingly difficult, my daughter and son-in-law offered to take me in to live with them. So, I sold my cottage, and did that. I have never regretted it, but I missed my Derek so much! Life seemed unbearably lonely, but I counted myself fortunate in having a loving family about me, and I was hugely grateful for that.’
Choking back a sob, she went on, ‘Then I discovered I was pregnant. I was afraid and ashamed. It was an impossible situation, but I had to deal with it in the only way I could. My head was bursting. I felt suicidal. I had to make a decision, Eileen, and it had to be settled quickly. I simply had no choice but to do what I did.’ She fell silent, because that was as far as she dared go with that particular subject.
Eileen hissed, ‘I do not want Tony to know the truth about the pregnancy, and what you did. Do you understand?’ She continued quietly, ‘It’s far too late for regrets. And as we’re being honest with each other there is something you need to be made aware of.’ She leaned closer to Marie. ‘After we leave here, I never want to see you again. Do you understand?’
Sad to the heart, Marie nodded.
Eileen stole a glance towards the lift, but Tony had not yet reappeared. ‘What I am telling you now, Marie, must never be repeated. Not to anyone. Will you promise?’
Marie nodded. ‘Yes … I promise.’
Eileen leaned closer to Marie. ‘I have never told anyone this, but I need you to know so maybe you can fully understand my pain and disgust at what you did.’
Taking a deep breath, she addressed Marie in the softest whisper. ‘I knew Tony was bitterly disappointed that we were never blessed with children. I felt I’d let him down, but as the years rolled on he seems finally to have got over his disappointment at not being a father, but it was always secretly his dearest wish.’
Her voice wavered as she went on and she forced a smile. ‘The truth is, I’m used to it. I like my life as it is now, just the two of us. So, that is why I never want Tony to know you were left with his child and you did away with it. Always remember, Marie, that it was your wickedness, not mine! I can’t even begin to imagine what pain it would cause him! Do you understand what I’m saying?’
‘I understand.’