A Grand Old Time: The laugh-out-loud and feel-good romantic comedy with a difference you must read in 2018
and twisting. Water was leaking through a porthole, huge lapping tongues of water, seeping around her ankles. She pulled at a door which would not open and the sea rose high, soaking her white nightgown, making it a dark grey and pulling her down with its weight. She struggled; she looked around but there was no means of escape and no-one to help her. She cried out and held out her arms to no-one. Strange taunting music began to play and a demonic voice sounded in her ears, mocking her. Evie opened her eyes and turned on the light. The lilting music told her it was time to wake up. The French voice heralded the arrival in Roscoff and requested that foot passengers made their way to the foyer. She picked up Wuthering Heights and looked at the bleak picture on the cover, the small figure bent against the wind, struggling towards the future, the elements against her. Evie gave a grim laugh and started to collect her things.
She was dragging her case. Her handbag and coat were over her arm and she was heaving along as lorries rumbled by. There was a four-by-four towing a caravan with stacks of bicycles on the back and then a lovely little campervan with floral curtains. There was no taxi rank, bus stop, or anyone to ask the way, nothing but the dawn wind for company. An articulated lorry juddered past and Evie felt the vibrations. ‘Roscoff’ was the same in French as it was in English, so Evie felt confident of finding a nice hotel. There must be somewhere close to the port, but she’d already walked far enough and her knees were hurting. She pulled the case up onto the kerb and tugged it along the pavement, each movement sending a shock of pain up her bruised arm.
A white lorry with some black writing in French came by very close to her and she raised a shoulder against the shudder, as something twisted beneath her and she felt the clunk like a cracking bone. At first she thought she had broken her ankle, but realised the case was twisted, hump-backed under her grip, and the wheel had come free and rolled away from her. Evie dropped the coat on the case and chased after the wheel, which fell on its side. She picked it up and her hands were immediately grimy. A jutting piece of metal stuck out, but Evie could not make the wheel fit. She turned the case, offered the wheel to the metal, pushed against the fitting and decided another piece must be missing. She hunted around on the pavement.
Evie swore, invoked the Lord and swore again. She looked up for a friendly face but there was no-one around. She considered the French words for ‘please help’, realising that ‘please’ was as far as she could go. Someone would understand once they saw the missing wheel, and she imagined a scenario where a nice man put it back together for her and offered breakfast. With determination, she tugged at the handle and tried to drag the case along on its one wheel. It was heavy, reluctant, and the metal made a slow grinding sound as it scored the pavement. She swore again.
A voice came from over her shoulder and she could hear an engine idling.
‘Hello. Do you have a problem?’
A young woman in sunglasses was leaning out of the window of an old Renault Espace. Evie exhaled and closed her eyes for a moment. They were British, English probably: they certainly spoke English. Pop music was playing from inside the van. She was about to speak to Evie again, then she turned to her companion who was making a comment in a low monotone. The woman turned back to Evie.
‘Have you had an accident?’
Evie nodded. ‘The bloody wheel’s broken on the case.’
‘Can we offer you a lift?’
The woman’s companion mumbled something again from the passenger seat. Evie couldn’t make out the words but the tone was distinctly hostile.
‘Jump in the back.’
Evie heaved her case and coat into the van. As she wriggled in her seat, she was assaulted by a loud flurry of barking and a huge yellow Labrador leaped towards her.
‘Get down, Iggy!’ the passenger shouted and the dog obeyed. Evie’s shoulders tensed, although she wasn’t sure whether it was the dog’s bark or the passenger’s that had set her on edge. She wasn’t fond of dogs, but the passenger seemed even more difficult to placate.
The driver turned around, took off her sunglasses and smiled. She was a pleasant-faced woman in her twenties or thirties wearing a skimpy vest, her light brown hair in a loose plait. It was hard to tell people’s ages these days, Evie thought, when everyone seemed to dress the same, whatever their age.
‘Where shall we drop you?’
Evie surveyed the back of the van; behind her, there were cardboard boxes and a sink with taps. She turned back and looked at the woman.
‘Where are you going?’
‘To the Crozon peninsula, close to Pentrez beach. Is that on your way?’
Evie didn’t stop to think. The words ‘peninsula’ and ‘beach’ were enough, and the words came into her mouth before she had time to consider her options. ‘Oh, the beach, yes. That is where I am going, too. That’s grand.’ She thought and then added: ‘What a coincidence.’
The woman in the front passenger seat did not turn; she had dark hair cut short and spiky, and wore long bright earrings. She offered Evie a cold shoulder, which was visible to one side of her seat. She wore a pale T-shirt, and her lean arms were tanned. Evie thought she made a little grunting noise. She tried to make conversation with the unfriendly girl. ‘You have a sink in the back?’
The driver turned over her shoulder to reply. ‘It’s for the gîte. We are renovating it.’ She swung the Espace onto the main road. ‘I am Maddie.’
‘Evie.’ She smiled at the friendly girl with the long plait, whose eyes smiled back in the rear-view mirror. Flicking her blonde fringe, her grin broadened. ‘Evie Gallagher.’
The other passenger went on looking out of the window. Maddie said, ‘This is Katherine.’
‘Kat,’ said the irritated voice.
‘Pleased to meet you,’ Evie began.
Kat turned the pop music up louder, a pumping beat and woman’s voice repeating the word ‘umbrella’. Evie looked through the window at places she could not pronounce as the van pitched through one village after another. She thought about the Crozon peninsula, and wondered if it would be like the pictures in the travel agent’s window. Her phone sounded and she fumbled and found a message. It was Brendan. He had written Come home, Mammy. The dog was watching her with eager eyes, his tongue hanging from his mouth like a soft pink sock, and she wondered what she would do next.
Evie held the dog by its collar. She was about to knock. The door marked ‘Privé’ was ajar and she paused and listened.
‘I hate it here. You’ve ruined everything.’
‘Kat, that’s not true. We decided—’
‘You decided—’
‘We agreed—’
‘You wanted to live here; it’s always about what you want …’
‘We were going to make it our home.’
‘Yes, me and you, Maddie. Now you’ve invited that bloody woman to stay with us.’
‘You don’t mind, do you, Kat?’
‘You didn’t even ask me. She was in the back of the van, saying, “Isn’t the beach lovely, do you have any idea where can I stay for a few days?” and you were like, “We have a room here with us.” And she was all simpering, “Oh that would be grand,” and you didn’t ask me what I thought.’
Evie pulled a face at Kat’s awful attempt at an Irish accent. Iggy looked up in sympathy, his eyes