voice sounded different. Hoarse. Urgent. I stood up to face him and then it just happened. ‘It’ being my lips connecting with his, followed by a beer-tinged tongue rummaging around my teeth like a penniless man digging for gold. I was wishing I’d brushed my teeth for the full three minutes that morning, and I also wished something romantic was playing in the background instead of the Top of the Pops theme tune. Looking back, it probably wouldn’t be my most enjoyable kiss, but at the grand old age of seventeen, it was certainly my first.
Words failed me afterwards. I’d just kissed my best friend’s brother, for pete’s sake!
‘D’you want another beer?’ he asked, all matter of fact.
So that night, we drank a little as we watched EastEnders on telly, and by nine p.m. hid the beer cans as Carla’s mum and dad returned from their night out.
Dad had written something in the miscellaneous section about kisses, so as soon as I fled next door, heart racing with the intensity of it all, I dug it out.
Miscellaneous: Your first real kiss
I couldn’t figure out where to put this, so I stuck it in the miscellaneous section (if I had my own way it wouldn’t even be a section, because I’m not sure I want some bloke kissing you). But if my dreams of you having kids and growing old with your family around you are ever to materialise, then a kiss is probably likely.
Sooooo…
Here goes (deep breath, deep breath).
Your first kiss.
You’ve probably just had it or are about to. All I can say is, it will feel… well, rather crap actually. The good (or bad) news is, it definitely gets better with practice. Because first time round you’ll be all teeth and lip knocks. You’ll be paranoid about your breath. Or this could all be my own experi ence, while yours, well, yours could just be magical. Like Cinderella’s with her prince.
Remember to enjoy it… but not too much!
And I had.
I smiled and leaned over to my bedside table, the picture of Dad smiling back at me. I was almost too embarrassed to face him, armed with the knowledge that I had, at last, broken my kiss virginity.
I decided not to tell Carla. Not that she’d notice any difference in the way Corey and I interacted, because we waited until she left the room to sneak in a quick kiss. Gazing at one another across the dinner table as we tucked into Sunday lunch. Once, we even held hands under the tablecloth as Carla’s mum talked lipstick colours. An exciting moment in time and one that made me believe all that fluff they sang about in songs. But then I’d go home, sit on my bed, one-eyed teddy by my side, feeling confused at why I was thinking about Corey in THAT way. I’d known him most of my life and seen him as nothing more than…well, my best mate’s annoying older brother. Everything was weird now. Nice, scary, mad, exciting. But mostly nice.
‘When did you start fancying me?’ asked Corey as we left Lanes Fish Bar, carrying his family’s dinner in two paper bags.
‘I never did!’ I protested.
‘What? Never?’
‘You’re just looking for an ego boost.’
‘So what?’
‘You’re not getting one.’
I felt a surge of delicious electricity as he grabbed my hand. ‘Go on, Lo Bag!’
I pulled my hand away playfully.
‘I’m going to tell everyone about us,’ he said, and I thought I’d burst.
‘Not today, though?’ I wasn’t quite ready for everyone to know about ‘us’. Like The Manual, this was something for me that had nothing to do with anyone else. And I wanted to hold on to that feeling for as long as I could. Before anything had a chance to go wrong.
One evening, as Carla ice skated with Antoine, Corey and I lay on the sofa staring blankly at the television screen.
‘Hello there!’ said a voice. As we looked up, Carla’s mum sprang into focus complete with a huge grin.
Corey and I jumped up simultaneously.
‘Mum!’
‘Relax, I’ve known for ages that something’s been going on,’ she said, placing her sequinned handbag onto the settee, which was still warm with the heat from our bottoms. ‘Me and your dad aren’t complete plums, you know.’
I smiled with the relief of it all, finally free to tell Carla the truth. Hoping she’d take it just as well as her mum. I was in love with her brother so this felt like the right thing to do, and Corey seemed to be in agreement as he walked me next door.
‘But let’s just wait for now. Mum won’t say anything.’
‘Why wait?’ I said with pangs of paranoia. ‘Carla will be fine about it.’
‘Just give it till the end of the week, that’s all.’
We kissed on the doorstep. The most magical of kisses and one I wouldn’t forget in a hurry, but for the wrong reasons.
…I know that you’ll really like this boy, but remember to take things SLOW. I mean really slow, like a snail in a pushchair being pushed by ANOTHER snail drinking his third pint. If he puts his hand in a place you don’t feel comfortable with, tell him to get lost and that you’ll tell your dad on him and HE IS WILLING TO HAUNT.
If he insists on taking things further too soon, he isn’t worth it. No matter how much you like this boy, NEVER do anything you’re not comfortable with. If he’s a good guy, he’ll respect you and your wishes. Remember my bit on boys, hormones and teabags? This doesn’t really go away, sweetheart, so always have that in mind. Admittedly, when it comes to you, I’m absolutely no use in these matters… So it’s probably better to talk to your mum about this stuff…
I tensed up at the mention of Mum, knowing I’d rather place toothpicks in my eyes than talk to her about Corey
…. She’ll know more about this stuff than me. Or perhaps you can talk to your best friend about it. Whoever you have, please talk. It’s a great way to see things more clearly.
That night as I struggled with homework, my mind was consumed with Corey. Things we’d do together. How he made me feel. Contrary to what Dad had said on the subject, being mates for so long had to count for something. And not having to sneak around any more would mean holding hands, being together… I wondered if I should just ask him out on a date. A proper date, to mark the very first day of going public.
Miscellaneous: Is it ever okay to ask out a boy? Yes.
I think times have changed since my day (yes, you heard right – I’m sounding like MY dad!). But, remember, there’s a good and bad way to do it and it can be a bit tricky. Just try to be subtle, and after you’ve got the first bit out of the way: i.e. ‘Would you like to go and see a film?’, let the boy choose the film. Or if it’s to a burger bar, let him choose which one. We do still like to remain man-like, you know. Nevertheless, don’t listen to anyone who says a boy never wants to be asked out by a girl. That’s complete and utter rubbish! It’s so rare for a girl to ask out a guy, so when you do, he’ll be chuffed, trust me on that. Go for it, girl – he’d be mad to turn you down anyway!
*
Armed with a sudden bout of confidence, I called round at Carla’s the next day, to be greeted by her very tearful mother clutching