to go to bed. It didn’t seem to matter, though, and she willingly surrendered to the Sandman.
This time the dreams were darker. Not of Aaron – loving, laughing, kind Aaron. This time the dreams were of Kendall. His bite, his ire, his venom. She woke drenched in sweat again but shivering this time because no blankets covered her. August was shocked to see it was nearly 6 a.m. and that she’d slept that way all night. Kendall’s words still echoing in her ears, she stumbled to the bathroom and turned the shower on.
Even the hot spray couldn’t dissipate how cold his words made her feel.
‘You don’t want a man like me? Sweetheart, all men are like me. If you dig down deep enough. Eventually, you always get there. Into the darkness of a man.’
August was curled up in the window seat watching the day turn light when Jack’s truck pulled up. She was too exhausted to feel any anticipation. Too dumbstruck by the dream to feel any guilt at missing the jolt of electricity she’d felt the last two days upon seeing him.
She watched, studying him clinically, as he unloaded a squat but elegant tree from the truck. Next he hefted bags of top soil, tossing them one upon the other. The day wasn’t as cold so he wore just a Henley and a flannel shirt and his head was bare.
She let herself enjoy the flex and dance of his body as he moved. Just a painter studying a possible subject, she reminded herself.
Once everything was unloaded, he headed towards the door. She watched him until he disappeared from view, which meant he was standing on the porch. When the bell rang she went to answer it – slowly, as if sore from exertion rather than from haunting dreams.
‘Hey there, August,’ he said. He leaned against the door. ‘Got your tree. Did you want to give it a once-over before I put it in? Make sure it’s OK?’
She shook her head. ‘I saw it. It’s fine.’
He cocked his head, staring at her, his gaze as intent as hers when she was watching him through the window. ‘You OK?’
‘Rough night,’ she said, attempting a smile. ‘Bad dreams. Crappy sleep. You know, just a fun night.’
‘Sorry about that. Did you want me to come back tomorrow?’
‘No, no. It’s fine. I’ll make you a cup of coffee, Jack.’
‘Don’t trouble yourself.’ He was studying her again and she tried to remember the last time a man had studied her face that thoroughly.
‘No trouble. Did you eat? Do you want a bagel to go with it?’ The least she could do was feed the man if he was hungry.
August pressed her lips together. She refused to believe the words Kendall had spoken to her so long ago. Her subconscious might want to push it back up to the surface, but that didn’t mean she had to believe it.
‘Sure. That’d be great. I had a doughnut about an hour ago. Didn’t stick.’ He smiled and she found herself smiling back.
‘I’ll bring it out,’ she said. ‘Or call you in.’
‘Just bring it out,’ he said. ‘Don’t want to mess up your schedule. Thanks.’ He turned and walked off. She opened her mouth to say something else, but had no idea what, so she shut it again.
In the kitchen she busied herself making his coffee and toasting an everything bagel. She hadn’t thought to ask if he was a cream cheese or a butter guy so she smeared it liberally with the former, taking a chance. Then she draped a wrap around herself, pushed her feet into her slippers and took it out. The morning was chilly but held the promise of a warmer day than the previous.
‘Ah, thanks. Food! Awesome.’ He dropped the shovel he was holding and took the coffee. When he reached for the bagel he stopped, staring at his own hand.
She laughed, it felt good, too. ‘You might want to wash those hands.’
‘Yeah, maybe. I don’t mind working in dirt but I have to admit I hate eating it.’
She headed inside, calling over her shoulder, ‘Might as well just come in and eat it. It’ll be cleaner and warmer.’
He followed willingly enough, the sound of his booted feet heavy on her slate steps. Inside he went to the kitchen and washed his hands twice. Drying them on a towel, he said, ‘I gave my sister your stationery. She’s a fan. She wants to know what your website is.’
August sat at the island, sipping her tepid coffee. ‘I must not have put my business card in that packet of stationery. I’ll give you one to take to her.’ She indicated the other seat. ‘Sit. Eat.’
He dropped onto the stool, pulled the bagel forward and took a big bite. August found herself watching his hands again, realising she’d grown somewhat fixated on them. Not just how big they were, or the small evidence of scars and nicks on the skin, but how they might feel on her skin. Running up her thigh. Holding her down…
She blinked, realising he was talking. ‘Sorry?’ she said.
‘I said that the show for Alice’s work is Monday. Can you still make it?’
She almost said no. It was on the tip of her tongue, but instead she nodded. ‘Sure thing. I’m looking forward to it.’
‘Great. She’ll be thrilled. She’s still kind of shy about her work. We’ve been friends since sixth grade. Alice was always winning awards for her art, but until she met Tonya, her girlfriend, she was too afraid to try it as a career.’ He shook his head and polished off his bagel. ‘I’ve never understood talented people being afraid to be talented.’
Jack walked to the trash can and tossed the paper plate and his napkin. He stretched, looking at the pictures in magnet frames on her fridge. ‘Is this you?’
She couldn’t see what picture he was pointing too but she had a feeling. Her stomach sank and she took a deep breath. Going to stand next to him she studied the picture of her and Aaron on the beach right before he died. She really didn’t register it any more, it had been up there so long. The image only seemed to become visible to her on bad days, the hard days. ‘Yep, that’s me at the tender age of eighteen.’
He let out a low whistle and she blushed. ‘Haven’t changed much,’ he said. ‘In fact, I’d say you’ve gotten prettier.’
‘Liar,’ she said. She crossed her arms and tried to not let the sinking feeling overwhelm her. The inevitable was about to happen. She could feel it.
Again, Kendall’s words echoed back to her. Despite her refusal to take them to heart, her face felt cold, her heart too fast.
‘Not lying.’ His voice was softer than it had been and he was watching her in that certain unnameable way men had. ‘You’re pretty here,’ he said, pointing to the magnet. ‘You’re beautiful here,’ he said, levelling that finger at her briefly.
Her face went from cold to hot in an instant.
‘He died,’ she said before she could stop herself. ‘Aaron. That’s him with me in the picture. We were engaged, fresh out of high school, on a…’ She shook her head but forced herself to go on. Somehow confessing this to Jack felt important. ‘Pre-honeymoon is what he called it. And his wave runner…’ She swallowed hard and pushed on. ‘Exploded. It was clearly defective, he’d been drinking – we both had – and if I’d just played the don’t drink and drive, even water vehicles, card, he might still be alive.’
Jack’s eyes were wide, surprised, but also very concerned. He ran his hand down her arm and finally clasped her hand. August felt her pulse jump. ‘August, that’s…I’m so sorry. But you don’t blame yourself, do you? You can’t. There was no way you could have known.’
‘I had a weird feeling.’
He smiled but it was a small, controlled smile. ‘We all have weird feelings all the time. Very few of us act on them. Very few of us notice them.’
She