have been better working over Christmas, but I knew Bea would have a fit if I stayed in London. Really, it would be better if I got back home as soon as possible. Without my work I’ve got nothing. When I’m working I can just think about Tom and the things we used to do together, Tom and me. It’s all I want, Dad. It’s all I want. I’m trying to be jolly, but I can’t.’
‘Of course you can’t, darling, and no one expects it. If it’s what you want I’ll drive you back straight after Christmas. But you have to face the future, not just dwell on the past. I’m concerned about your health. You’re not eating or sleeping, and it’s getting painful to look at you. I hear you roaming about the house at night. Will you let me give you some vitamin injections to build you up and something to help you sleep, just for a while?’
They were moving up into the sand dunes to get out of the wind and Jenny turned to him. ‘Yes. OK. But don’t let me take any sleeping pills back to London with me.’
James had looked down at her, shocked. ‘Oh, Jen, are you that depressed?’
Jenny had been silent before whispering, ‘Yes.’
‘Then I think you should see someone…’
‘No, Dad. Come on, I hardly need anyone to tell me why life doesn’t seem worth living, do I?’ She had tucked her arm in his. ‘You mustn’t worry about me. I’ll be all right. I’ll get through, but I’m better when I’m working flat out. There’s no point spilling my heart out to complete strangers when I’ve got you and Mum, sisters, Danielle and Flo…’
James had turned. ‘If only you would. If only you would weep and talk and get angry and let us comfort you, but…’
He had stopped as her face closed against him. ‘It’s not my way, Dad.’
She had moved off towards the wild sea, leaving footprints in the damp sand, which filled with water.
As James joined the dual carriageway he said a silent prayer. He loved all his children equally, but Jenny had been a complete surprise to both him and Bea, and he could still see and hear in his head the funny, happy little curly-haired child she had been, lifting her skirts and running, laughing, through the safe shallows of her childhood.
Ruth was playing Bach on her CD player: Eva Marton singing ‘Ave Maria’. It depressed Adam, sitting in the window seat looking out at the creek. Usually he loved the piece, but today it made him sad and restless. He was not enjoying this holiday and he had been looking forward to it for weeks.
Today, for the first time it seemed as if the sun might come out. There was heavy dew glittering on the edges of the grass outside. It would still be cold, he could feel it in the air. He jiggled his knee up and down, wondering what he would do today.
Ruth sat behind him at the table going through some papers for a lecture. Next time they came he thought he might ask if he could bring Simon or Dave from the orchestra with him. As he sat there the sun broke through the mist and cloud, and lit up a patch of clear blue sky and glimmered on the full tide enticingly. Adam felt his spirits lifting.
He knew why he was depressed. His early mornings had been spoilt by his fear and he despised himself. He had never been afraid of going out into the dark mornings on his own before. Half the excitement of it all was the mystery of the creek at dawn, but that had been before…
He felt his skin prickle on the back of his neck at the memory of it. Before the ghost had come to haunt him. Then the other voice, the voice that smirked at his nerdiness, whispered, Ghosts don’t live in camper vans.
Adam looked up to find his mother watching him.
‘What is it, Adam? You’re very quiet and you didn’t go out this morning. Are you feeling all right?’
‘I’m OK.’
‘Well, something’s wrong.’
Adam got up and walked round the room, lifting things and putting them back without seeing them. Half of him wanted to tell his mother about being spooked and the other half didn’t want to admit it.
‘Do you believe in ghosts?’ he asked finally.
Ruth looked relieved. She smiled at him. ‘No. What’s spooked you?’
‘When I go out in the early morning I feel as if I’m not alone. I feel as if someone is following me. I never really see anyone, but it’s like I feel them there, watching me. I want to turn round all the time as if someone is behind me and sometimes I see a black shape of something in the darkness.’
Ruth stared at him. ‘That’s why you didn’t go out this morning?’
‘Yes.’ Adam was suddenly angry. ‘I know it sounds stupid, Mum. I know it sounds sad, but it’s the first time I’ve ever felt scared in my whole life and that’s the truth.’
Ruth got up, came over and squeezed in on the window seat with him. ’Creeks are terribly eerie, you know. We’ve been enveloped in mist nearly every day since we arrived. It’s no wonder you’ve felt scared. When you go out it’s still as black as pitch, with nothing but those mournful waders crying. I’m not surprised you see shapes in the dark. Get up later, when it’s lighter. What birds can you see in the mist and dark?’
‘It’s not so dark when you’re out there. Anyway, we’ve been coming here for years and I’ve always got up early to go out and I’ve never been scared before and…’
‘What?’
‘Oh, nothing. Forget it, Mum.’ Adam got up. ‘The sun’s out. I want to get out there and fish.’
‘What were you going to say? Come on, Adam, tell me.’
‘Only…that when I go out in the early morning there seems to be a camper van parked by the boats, or at the other end of the creek. You know, further on from where that special school is.’
‘And?’
‘I sometimes see this dark shape getting back inside and driving away. I’ve gone up to my bedroom and watched.’
Ruth’s face changed. ‘There’s nothing very ghostlike about a camper van, Adam. So what are you saying? That someone is following you in the early mornings?’
Adam didn’t answer. Then he said under his breath, ‘I don’t know, Mum.’
Ruth got up and the sun streamed in through the window. ‘Right, Adam, I don’t want you going out on your own in the early mornings. If you see this camper van again, come and tell me. Is it ever here during the day?’
‘I don’t think so, but we’ve been out quite a lot. Once I thought I saw it at Perranporth when we were there, but I could have been wrong.’
‘OK. If I see it I’m going to investigate. Where are you going to fish?’
‘Down by the old barn at the head of the creek. That’s where the locals fish. I’m not nervous in the day, Mum.’
Ruth ruffled his hair. ‘I know you’re not. In any case there are plenty of people walking dogs out there. If it’s any comfort, Jenny and I used to spook ourselves down here as children…and you know it might just be another birdwatcher.’
‘Yeah, it could be. I’ll go and get my fishing stuff.’
‘I’ll bring lunch down to you. We’ll have a picnic.’
His mother was rummaging in the cupboard for old newspapers when he came back. He could feel her watching him as he walked down the path. As he turned the corner he glanced across at the space where people parked their cars. There was no van.
Adam knew his mother would come straight out here as soon as he disappeared, just to make sure. In the sunshine