it before. And I have only started seeing these entities since you arrived in Nazareth. When Joshua collapsed I saw a whole bunch of them around him. And after Samuel had hit Joshua at your greeting celebration I saw five or six of those entities around Samuel. Only for a moment, but that was quite enough for me!”
Jesus was surprised that she had witnessed all of that. He could still recall the evening well on which the rabbi had beaten Joshua. Back then he had been aware of many grimacing figures that pointed at him, Jesus, laughing spitefully. Then they had proceeded toward Samuel who apparently could not resist the hatefulness of those entities. The fact that Rachel had also noticed this showed him that he was not the only one who had to deal with such perceptions.
All of sudden they were interrupted in their reflections by the sound of Rachel’s father, who was calling for her.
“Yes, yes, I am at the spring, father. I am coming already.” Rachel seemed sad that her afternoon with Jesus was coming to an end. “It was so nice here.”
“Yes, that it was “, Jesus replied. “Hurry up, otherwise you will get in trouble with your father.”
“Yes, I better go.” Rachel hurried away and soon disappeared behind some bushes. Jesus took out his flute and returned to the village, where there would soon be a nice meal, via a small detour.
He was really hungry this evening. And besides, he had to beef up for all of the challenges that he was soon to be facing.
Father, thank you for the talk I had with Rachel today. It was so good for me to have that talk. It showed me once again that you know all about my feelings and my troubles and send people my way so that I can sometimes share my burden with others. For this I thank you. Now I am feeling better I think. It feels good to be able to speak about the loneliness. Up until now I did not realize how strong this loneliness is. Will I always feel lonely like this?
Bakenor once told me that great souls always feel lonely. Why is that so? Haven’t great souls gathered more experience of your love? Surely they must have recognized you more than others?
Thank you for replying to me in my thoughts right away. Let me immediately write down your response so that I can finally understand this seeming contradiction.
As you just told me, great souls feel lonelier in darkness because they are used to a brighter light. And you said that great souls meet fewer trusted partners and likeminded souls in their lifetime than others.
Your response literally shines a bright light into my mind and soul. Thank you, father. Thank you.
∞
“Joshua, I am going to the synagogue now with Bealja. You are to do your writing exercises meanwhile. I will be checking them later on.” Samuel sounded very serious. “You hear?”
“Yes.” Joshua sat in a quiet corner of the courtyard with a piece of leather and wrote. Samuel had seen to it that scraps of leather were always brought to him in the synagogue. That ensured there was always enough writing material for the children, and most importantly, for Joshua. Joshua was tired and found that at the moment the only way to deal with his father was to obey. There was a lot of fear of course. His choice was between agreement and painful consequences. There truly was no other way. And he had had enough pain already lately. So he now preferred to concentrate on writing the Hebrew texts he had been assigned. Today he had to copy write down a passage from the book of Moses which he had memorized in the last few weeks. Unfortunately his father was very good at checking whatever he wrote for mistakes. Thus he had no choice but to do his writing. Normally this was easier for him to do than right now. He currently was having a very hard time putting up with his father. Why did he have to be a rabbi? Why couldn’t he have had maybe a potter or perhaps a craftsman for a father, like Jesus had? And why did his father always have to be so cruel?
To make matters worse he had just heard Rachel laughing and the other girls squealing gleefully. Wasn’t Jesus probably with them right now? Whatever. The children outside were having fun playing and he had to sit alone and do exercises. He saw his mother busy baking bread on the other side of the courtyard. Both of his sisters were helping her.
He was having trouble concentrating today. He hurried, for writing was quite easy for him by now. He knew better than to let his father know that he was able to write much faster then his father thought. This tactic, which he had come up with some time ago, greatly eased his dealings with the rabbi. And so he hurried up with his work and was finished very quickly. Although he could not put the leather aside because his father might exit the synagogue at any moment, at least he now had time to ponder other matters that crossed his mind.
He had not been able to forget the talk he had had Jesus under the olive tree. Jesus had spoken of people on other stars. Was he truly the Messiah, he wondered? Was he the chosen one, the one who was announced in the scriptures of the forefathers? How did a boy come up with the idea that there were other peoples living on other stars? He, Joshua, didn’t even know what things looked like outside of Nazareth. Even Sepphoris he only had heard others tell of, as he had to admit to himself. How then was he supposed to imagine whether or not there were people who lived on other stars? And the stars were so very far away. But it all seemed so matter of fact to Jesus. What did Jesus know that he wasn’t telling? Sometimes Joshua got the feeling that he did not know Jesus at all, although they had often conversed and already spent some time together. Of all the people he knew, Jesus radiated the greatest strength. The fathers of the village were very nice, but superficial. Only a few had a certain strength in themselves. He had already seen a few rabbis that had visited Samuel, but none of those radiated anywhere close to the level of strength that Jesus did, either. He was glad to have him as a friend. But he was hardly ever able to see Jesus because his father could not stand him at all. Did he even hate him perhaps? Had his father only assigned him these writing exercises to keep him away from Jesus?
∞
A usual the family of the rabbi was sitting at the table in silence, for no speaking was allowed during the holy meal of the evening. The only one who was allowed to break the rule was the rabbi himself, if he had something to say. And this evening he had a lot to say.
“I will be picked up by a messenger in a few days“, Samuel began. “He will accompany me to Jerusalem. The journey will take about three to four weeks, until I can return to you. The trip will require about a week just to get to Jerusalem, and another week for the way back. The high priest will have a lot to say to say to me and want to give me a lot of information regarding what to expect in Ephesus. Some emissaries will give me first hand accounts of the situation there. I do not know whether the current rabbi of the largest Jewish congregation in Ephesus will be present. By the way, you children may speak at the table today.”
“Of the largest Jewish congregation?” Sarah was astonished.
“Yes, I will be leading the largest and most important one of them.”
“Did Bealja tell you when we would be travelling to Ephesus?” Sarah wrinkled her nose.
“He said that I should prepare everything for departure when I return from Jerusalem. On the day I set out for Nazareth from Jerusalem a messenger will be sent to Ephesus in order to pass the message on to the current rabbi in Greece, that is, if he fails to show up in Jerusalem by then. I think that we will have about five or six more weeks in Nazareth after I return from my journey. After all I still have to find a successor for myself.”
There was silence, a tense silence, and then Joshua spoke up.
“Father, will we ever return to Nazareth?”
“I don’t think so. After all I am not the youngest anymore and the way is long. That large city will require my full attention. And for that reason I also need all of you with me in Ephesus. Earlier Bealja told me, that this city can hardly be compared to any other city that we know of. Only Rome, Alexandria und Antioch are larger than it. And all Jewish congregations in Ephesus are supposedly as large as those of Sepphoris, Nazareth and Nain put together. Can you imagine how much work awaits me there?”
Again silence was the only reply. Joshua