Jeremy Jackson

I Will Not Leave You Comfortless


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      Table of Contents

       Title Page

       the first part

       A Storm

       Food, Animals

       See Farther

       Stay

       A Good Party

       the second part

       In the Dark

       Stop

       We Had Some Lights

       Coming Home

       So, Christmas

       So, Christmas: Part Two

       Such Hope

       Once

       Distance

       Deep

       Pray

       Plans

       Deep: Part Two

       Go Back Tomorrow

       Backward

       Guard

       We Are Weak

       Her Existing Sixteen Journal Entries from April 30 Turned into One Journal Entry

       Houston’s Creek

       The God of Mildred Jackson

       Then

       the last part

       Normally, We Got Normal Milk

       You Will Lose More

       Under the Summer Sun

       A Day Made for Grape Juice

       East

       Epilogue

       Acknowledgments

       Milkweed Editions

       Copyright Page

      Also by Jeremy Jackson

       In Summer

       Life at These Speeds

       the first part

       A Storm

      On the last Wednesday of April, 1983, my grandmother went to a funeral. She drove from the farm to Windsor through the early afternoon sunlight, past pastures where the grass was shin high and rising, past full creeks, past newly plowed fields. In town, the last tulips bloomed in front yards and side yards, the sidewalks were swept, and the streets were shaded by leaves that as of a week ago hadn’t even been born. This was spring in Missouri.

      She had heard on the radio about the thunderstorms, but there was no sign of them yet. The day was quiet. She walked from the parking lot to the church through a breeze with no hint of threat to it. She was not a nervous woman, nor unfamiliar with the storms of her part of the country. She had lived in western Missouri her whole life, and she didn’t consider changing the course of her day just because storms were near.

      That said, when the funeral was over and she had played the last sustained chord on the organ, she headed straight home. Within the course of an hour, the sky had changed. The sun had slipped behind a veil of high clouds so that the day was still bright, but there were no shadows anymore. She drove west, and once she left the trees and houses of town she could see the storm clouds in front of her. They were close.

      Really, it was a race. She was on a collision course with the storms, and it was simply a matter of who would reach the farm first. The clouds that were approaching were not pleasant clouds. They were black and moving fast, like the flagships of night.

      She left the blacktop and headed up the gravel road. Back toward town, there was still blue sky visible. Just a little badge of it in her rearview mirror.

      She had a couple of miles to go on the white, straight-shot road. Dust billowed behind her. The rumble of the tires cruising over the gravel masked any sound of thunder.

      She was almost home.

      At last she pulled into the driveway of the farmhouse, gathered her purse and sheet music, and got out of the car. The clouds were nearly overhead. The air was moist and stuffy, like a greenhouse. She went inside. She set her purse on the kitchen counter as a rapidly expanding whooshing sound came from all directions at once, and the house’s joints began to creak inside the walls. She looked out the kitchen window and saw the wind sweeping the yard in one sustained and still-gathering blast.

      Then rain hit the panes.

      She